Chapter 7
Nathaniel
Mackenzie’s cock was the strongest of drugs, and I was insatiable.
Every time we came together, I wished I could tell him the truth that was festering in my heart, but the words just wouldn’t come.
Guilt nipped at me, but I pushed it aside.
Mac pounded into me from behind, and I couldn’t help but wish I could feel him, raw and unhindered when he spent himself inside of me.
He came with a growling grunt and my entire body lit up. Tingles zipped down my spine as my own climax came roaring to the forefront. I cried out his name, his knot filling me so perfectly. I never wanted this to end…
“You’re amazing,” I moaned, cum-drunk.
Mac kissed my shoulder. “I try. Sleep, baby.”
“Don’t leave,” I mumbled into the pillowcase. “Stay…”
“I’m right here,” he promised me and as I was dozing out, I could’ve sworn I heard him whisper, “As long as you want me, I’m here.”
In the morning, I found Mac sitting at the kitchen table, cluttered with yesterday’s newspaper and the take-out boxes from last night’s Chinese. He stared down into his coffee cup, and he was so intent on whatever was going through his head, that he jumped when I came up behind him.
“Sorry!” I said, squeezing his shoulder to reassure him it was only me.
“No. No, it’s okay. You startled me.”
“What were you thinking about?” I asked, and a deep sadness filled his eyes. For some reason, that scared me. I tensed up. “Is everything okay?”
“Can we talk about something?” Mac asked, all of a sudden.
I blinked. “I mean, yeah? You can tell me anything, you know that, right?”
“Do you plan on having kids?”
The question hit me like a brick. It punched the breath right out of my lungs.
I gaped at him. Did he know I was pregnant?
Had he figured me out? My heart hammering in my chest, I nodded jerkily.
“I-I mean, yeah, someday. Don’t all Omegas want babies of their own?
” I swallowed hard and joined him at the kitchen table. “Why?”
He closed his eyes on a long sigh, almost like he was let down by my answer. The thought of disappointing him made my stomach churn, made my heart leap into my throat.
“What’s wrong, Mac?” I whispered.
His throat worked. “Having a family… It likely isn’t in the cards for me. That’s all.”
My chest grew tight. He didn’t want kids. I’d found the perfect Alpha and he wasn’t interested in having a family—that, or maybe he just wasn’t interested in having a family with me. “You don’t like kids?” I managed to ask.
His smile was wistful. “I love kids. I love my nephews more than I could ever imagine but…”
“But what?” What wasn’t he telling me? There was something he wasn’t telling me. “Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” My voice pitched high, betraying my feelings to the man sitting so close, but yet so far away.
Mackenzie’s eyes flashed wide. “What? No! No, it’s not you. It’s… I… Fuck.” He surged to his feet, bumping the table in the process and rattling his coffee mug. He raked both hands through his hair, and suddenly, I could see the pain in his posture, like this was killing him.
He released a shuddering breath, then slowly turned to face me. His expression was pinched. Guarded. “Do you know how hard it is for me to talk about this? To be an Alpha who’s impotent?”
“What?”
“I’m sterile, Nathaniel. The doctors confirmed it.” His shoulders sagging, he sank back down in his seat. “I was engaged to a man and we tried for years, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t give him what he wanted, so he had an affair and left me. I’ve been alone ever since.”
Every ounce of me screamed to go to him, to comfort him somehow, but I was rooted to the spot. “But…you want a family? Right? Couldn’t you use a donor? If your mate could conceive?” But when I spoke the words, he recoiled as if I’d lashed out at him.
“I need to go,” he uttered, “I’m sorry.”
“Mac?” I was on my feet in an instant, but he’d already grabbed his coat and was headed out the front door.
“Wait!” I cried, stumbling out into the snow after him.
Wet seeped into my socks, chilling my feet to the bone, but I couldn’t let him go.
“Wait, please. Mac, I-I need to tell you something and I—” I hiccuped on a sob. “This is hard for me too.”
Mac laughed, the sound soft and derisive. “You want kids, don’t you? That a dealbreaker for you?”
I frowned. “Come back inside, out of the cold… Please? Can we talk?”
My throat knotted up nice and tight as stomach acid roiled in my gut. It was now or never. Either I confessed the truth to Mackenzie, or possibly lose him forever, and even though I was terrified of his reaction, I couldn’t let him go. Not like this. It couldn’t end like this.
To my relief, he followed me back inside.
I wrapped my arms around myself, as if I could somehow hold myself together as the truth came spilling out.
“I need to tell you something and I’m sorry, I know I should’ve told you before we started messing around, but I— I like you a lot and I didn’t want you to hate me. ”
He frowned. “Why would I hate you?”
“I’m pregnant.” I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see the anger in his. My voice trembled as I forced the words out. “I…I fucked up and screwed some guy a couple months ago. I didn’t even catch his name. He said he was on business here, so… I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.”
Mac was silent, but all I could hear was the blood rushing between my ears.
“I’ve wanted babies for as long as I can remember.
I’m from a big family, lots of siblings and cousins, and I wanted that for myself, too, but…
I could settle for just one baby to spoil, if you were my Alpha.
” I took a deep breath. “I don’t think any less of you, you know.
In fact, I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you the minute I saw you. ”
“Nathaniel…” When I looked up, Mackenzie’s eyes were swimming with tears. “I can’t give you a big family.”
I sniffed. “Maybe I’m only meant to love one?
We could always adopt. Or find a sperm donor with your traits?
I know we haven’t been dating that long, but I…
I really like you. Like, a lot. Like, you could be the guy I marry, the Alpha I raise a family with.
If this isn’t a dealbreaker for you… If you’ll have me, I want to try with you.
I mean, we’ve got about seven months to see if we work longterm?
If not, I guess I’ll raise my little peanut by myself. ”
He searched my face before his gaze dropped to my stomach. “You’re really pregnant?” His voice trembled, like he wasn’t sure he wanted to believe it. I touched my belly and nodded, biting my lip. Relief washed over me when he held his arms out to me. “Come here, baby.”
I crashed into his chest, hugging him tightly as tears blurred my vision. I pinched my eyes closed, but they leaked out anyway and soaked into his shirt. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you sooner, but I was afraid you’d hate me and—”
“I could never hate you, Nathaniel,” he promised me, with a finger on my lips. “Ever. My fiance got what he wanted, you know. His boy-toy knocked him up and it broke my heart, because Ronnie led me on. He let me believe it was mine for two weeks before dumping the truth on me. I was gutted.”
He held me close. “I want a family to love and to cherish. I don’t care if the baby isn’t mine. I would love them either way…just as I love their father.”
I gasped, pulling back so that I could see his face. “You love me?”
He grinned. “I do. I know it sounds crazy, but when you’re in my arms, nothing else seems to matter. The idea of losing you like I lost Ronnie…” He shook his head.
“I would never do that to you,” I promised him, cupping his cheeks in my hands. My heart swelled with hope, with possibilities. Could this really work? Could I really keep this man and call him mine? My Alpha?
“So…you wanna try this thing?” I ventured. “With me? No takesy-backsies?”
Mackenzie clenched me to his chest, but not before I saw the tears that slipped down his cheeks. “I would be so blessed. So damn blessed.”