7. Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
I nviting Ezra into his house hadn’t been the smartest idea.
Not because he was afraid of the guy—no, Meg had vetted him, and even if she hadn’t, Kai had spent a whole hour cotopping with him for a class. Talk about a team-building exercise on steroids.
No, the biggest issue was having Ezra in his space summoned a lot of urges he’d been repressing. Mostly the daydreams of letting someone bind him up. Of getting bent over and paddled until he ached. He was curious as fuck about domming, but he was equally curious about subbing, and the idea of getting to explore both options messed with his head.
Ezra pushed up from his seat in a fluid motion. Fuck, the way the guy moved was sexy as hell. Everything about him was. Ezra stood a few inches shorter, but with his coiled muscular frame, the intensity in his chocolate eyes, yeah, he was hot as fuck. His deep brown hair was combed to the side, showcasing his undercut, and his lush lips and thick dark brows contained worlds of expression.
Ezra unzipped his bag, and Kai leaned forward, curious to see what he’d brought.
“Before we get started, if we do scene and are working with each other’s bodies at all, I’d like to preface that I’m trans. If that’s an issue, we’ll end this now,” Ezra said casually as he pulled out his water bottle from the bag.
Kai blinked. That hadn’t even been on his radar. “It’s not an issue, but like everything else in my life, I have zero knowledge. So tell me what you need if things arise.”
Ezra’s gaze settled on him with a warmth that sent shivers down his spine. Fucking hell, the guy had intense sexiness down pat. “That works fine with me. So, what you’re saying is you’re trainable?”
The purr in his voice was dangerous, and Kai couldn’t help but slip into a different headspace around him. When he and Ezra had been playing with Sloan, he’d loved taking care of Sloan, the responsibility involved, being the doer and watching the reactions as Sloan had melted for them. However, around Ezra alone, that instinct flipped. He wanted to follow Ezra’s commands, listen to his dulcet tone telling him what the fuck to do.
The idea had such a strong allure it almost grew violent. Especially with the way he’d been spiraling as of late. Today was a pain day, so the idea of trying submission wasn’t in the cards, but he hadn’t wanted to waste another moment holed up inside his apartment. At least here, if he needed to step away to take a hot shower or some meds or apply some Tiger Balm, he could.
Out and about, not so much. Plus, if he seized up, if his limbs locked, or he had other problems, he’d be at home. Ezra witnessing would be embarrassing, sure, but experiencing that in public would be a hell of a lot worse.
Ezra pulled a crop, a paddle, and a bottle of oil out of his bag. “Okay, so you’ve learned the basics of at least negotiating consent and going over limits beforehand, right?”
“Yeah, besides the research, I’ve talked with folks at the munch about it, and the sheet we filled out for the class felt like a great primer.”
“Do you have any other generalized questions about domming?” Ezra ran his hand up the length of the crop. He brought the tip down against his thigh with a sudden swish and crack, and Kai startled in his seat. The motion had been so fluid and strong that lust rushed through him. Normally, his cock would respond to that, but erections got a little dodgy on higher pain days. Still, he wasn’t sure if he would make it out of this session in one piece.
“Different styles, I guess? How do you know if you’re into domming or subbing? What if you’re curious about both?”
“Style is whatever you want. I’ve known some odd combinations you wouldn’t expect, but it’s whatever works between you and the partners you take on. I can swing between caretaker and sadist, so it depends on what itch I need to scratch or the vibe I’m getting from my play partner.”
Kai licked his lips again, which were far too dry. Ezra handling the crop, running his fingers over the leather, while talking calmly about kink was too much of a turn-on, and Kai was going to incinerate. “So, if I’m not interested in wielding impact toys, but I’m curious about how they’d feel?”
Speaking these things aloud sent a thrill rippling up his spine. He’d been locked in his head for the last year or so, pasting on a smile back home as he mulled over a million and one issues that arose. It felt forbidden and freeing in the same breath .
“Meg mentioned you might have some switch tendencies.” Ezra ran his hand along the length of the crop again, the movement hypnotic. A shiver rushed through him. The idea of plastering himself to a surface and surrendering to the sting of the crop against his skin, of the sound echoing over and over again—fuck, it was so hot. Awareness sparked between them. The people in this scene were so blunt and specific, so different from how he’d grown up.
“I’ve never submitted to anyone, so all I have are curiosities. And my first time domming was the class as well.”
“Well, then I’m glad I got to experience that with you. Would you like to try any of the impact toys I pulled out? It’s recommended to test on yourself first to gauge pressure and sting from the swing.”
Kai froze. As much as he fantasized about taking a beating, with the way his nerves were on the fritz today and how close he was to flaring, impact might send him over the edge. He should be telling Ezra about his lupus, but the idea of the guy looking at him differently, or worse, deciding he was too much of a problem to bother with made him swallow those words.
Ezra’s gaze traveled over him slowly, in a way that melted the clothes right off him.
“I’ve got an idea, if you’re comfortable with it.” Ezra placed the crop down on the table and picked up the bottle of oil. “I pulled this out to talk about aftercare techniques. If you’re okay letting me work on you, I can give you a light massage to show you an avenue to help take care of your sub afterward.”
Kai’s eyes burned the slightest bit. How Ezra had been able to sense he was in pain was something else. The idea of someone working on him, releasing him just the tiniest bit from the torrents of spasms and nerve flare-ups that had been plaguing him all day… He swallowed hard .
“Yeah, I’d love that.” He squeezed his nape.
Ezra gave the room a quick scan. “Floor or your bed?”
God, Kai was going to burn up. The idea of being in bed with Ezra planted filthy images in his brain. Of things he’d pretty much just watched in porn—whether it was getting fucked or doing the fucking, he wanted it all. Except his body was saying “fuck no” today.
“Bed works,” he said, his voice thick with lust. “Need me to take anything off?” The words ignited an inferno into the room. The air grew heavy, loaded with the sheer tension percolating between them.
“Whatever you like.” Ezra walked to the bed with the smooth prowess of a jungle cat. “I’m comfortable.”
Right, Kai was the only previously vanilla newbie who blushed over everything.
He swallowed hard. Ezra was just going to massage him, which sounded better than sex right now. And he was in the middle of a drought too. But the pain days with lupus got so bad that any hint of relief was all he could dream of.
Kai summoned his nerves and tugged his shirt off. Ezra perched on the bed, watching unabashedly. His dark gaze burned, licking up Kai’s limbs. Kai set the shirt on a nearby chair, and he reached for the waistband of his sweats. Even that tiny movement sent a flare of pain through him, and he fought to hide his wince. Ezra’s gaze sharpened as if the guy had him figured out.
Yeah, he wasn’t there yet. After the sheer amount of puppy dog eyes from friends and family back home, he didn’t want to receive pity from strangers.
“Where do you want me?” He placed his sweats with his shirt, far too aware he was stripped down to his black boxer briefs .
Ezra licked his lips, looking like he wanted to devour. Kai’s skin prickled under that intensity. If he survived this massage in one piece, it’d be a miracle.
“On your stomach,” Ezra said. “Anything I need to know about? Anything to avoid?”
“Just no crazy pressure.” Kai dodged the first question.
“I’m no massage therapist. Just going to show you how I like to treat my subs.”
Ungh. The smooth way he said it, how his gaze never left Kai—everything about Ezra suggested he saw right through him. That he offered the massage for a reason. And if there was the slightest hint of pity in his gaze, Kai would’ve called this quits then and there. But no, the sensual hunger in Ezra’s eyes was the pure opposite, leaving no room to misunderstand. This man was very interested.
Kai lowered himself onto the bed. A thrill zipped up his spine, even as his limbs groaned. All he could think of was how Sloan had surrendered to him and Ezra. He’d loved it as much as he’d been jealous of it. He and Sloan had been texting back and forth, and he could admit he felt a definite draw toward that man. However, the pull toward Ezra was undeniable too.
“Get comfortable,” Ezra said, the bed creaking as he rose from it. The click of a bottle cap made him shiver. Mind out of the fucking gutter. “I’ll be checking in with you, but make sure to tell me if anything is too much.”
Today was more the deep ache of pain on a joint level, so he welcomed the touch. Other days when his skin felt like it was aflame, not so much.
Ezra settled in behind him, and his body hummed at the proximity. Honestly, he was desperate for whatever scraps of touch he could claim. Ezra’s hands descended on his back, and the first strokes had him almost moaning out. The brief seconds of relief almost grew too much.
“How’s the pressure?” Ezra asked.
Kai sucked in a sharp breath, trying to find his voice. “It’s great.” His tone was thick, and he hated that his eyes burned. Alone, feeling fucking broken some days, he craved this touch. It meant more to him than Ezra could ever know.
Ezra dragged his palms down Kai’s back, the glide slick from the oil. Despite Ezra’s calloused hands, the motions were smooth, and goose bumps spread across Kai’s body. His movements were slow and pronounced, with a care that radiated to Kai’s bones. He crossed his arms in front of him and buried his face, if only to hide the liquid glossing his eyes.
“You’re tense as fuck,” Ezra said.
Kai swallowed hard. It wasn’t from getting touched or any fear. No, his body just locked up a lot from the consistent pain. Not like he would admit as much and send Ezra running for the hills. “So I’ve been told,” he muttered.
Ezra didn’t dig in or try to work out any spots. He hadn’t been lying. The massage was purely for touch and comfort. He dragged his hands along Kai’s back in steady strokes that lulled Kai into a trance. Fuck, any sub would be lucky to have a Dom like Ezra. He should be taking notes, paying more attention, but he’d closed his eyes to pretend the tears weren’t slipping from them, and he surrendered to the relief pouring from him at the gentle touch.
The quiet that descended grew comfortable but loaded. Ezra’s body loomed behind him, and the power of his movements, his calm competence was beyond a turn-on. Any lighter pain days and his cock would be waking up, his body primed to fuck. However, he basked in cessation from the constant ache, from a brief period of less pain than what had been raining down on him since he woke up this morning.
Ezra’s hands sent flickers of lust through him that fast roared into an inferno. Kai could only imagine the way they’d feel wrapped around his cock, or those long, slender fingers sliding inside him. Oh, fuck. His cock stirred. The combination of pleasure and relief quieted some of the pain.
He floated in the sensations, unaware of how much time had passed. His mind turned off in the best way, and Kai let go of the worries and doubts constantly on spin-cycle. All that existed was the scent of lavender, Ezra’s soothing touch, and their quiet breaths.
“Hey, you with me?” Ezra’s voice snapped him to awareness.
“Huh?” Kai shot up. His eyes were a little bleary as if he’d passed out.
“You were snoring a little there,” Ezra teased. He stood at the side of the bed and placed a hand on Kai’s shoulder.
Kai pushed up. Adrenaline rushed through his body, but then the fast motion caught up to him. His joints flared with pain, and he winced. Fuck.
“You okay?” Ezra asked, those dark eyes filled with concern.
“Moved a little too fast.” He shifted to a seated position on the bed. Heat flushed through him from head to toe. “Damn, I’m sorry for passing out on you.”
“I’m not.” Ezra’s smirk unknotted the tension that had coiled through Kai. “The fact that you were comfortable enough with me to let go that way? For me, that’s what kink is all about.”
The realization wasn’t a thunderbolt but the slow susurration of a breeze. That was the piece he’d been missing, the part of domming and maybe submitting he craved. The intimacy of trusting someone enough to shed all pretenses, to completely let go. Fuck, ever since he’d gotten diagnosed, he’d wondered if he could be capable of that again.
“Thank you,” Kai murmured, meeting his gaze.
Ezra nodded, the casual smile on his lips enough. He didn’t need to clarify, not yet, and Kai appreciated the space the other man gave him, that he could admit to things on his own terms instead of forcing them.
“You look like you could use a longer nap than you got.” Ezra playfully skimmed his fingers through Kai’s hair.
Kai chased the movement without thinking, craving Ezra’s touch. His body wasn’t in as much pain as before, but the fatigue still deadened his limbs. He yawned, unbidden. “You might be right.”
“Let me get out of your hair, then.” Ezra pulled away.
Disappointment thudded through his veins. He didn’t want to be alone, even if tonight he’d be shit company.
“I could always order takeout,” he blurted out. “If you’re hungry. Though you probably have better things to do.” Embarrassment flushed through him at putting himself out there like that. No doubt Ezra had more exciting night plans than hanging out with his lame ass.
“Depends,” Ezra said, his eyes crinkling with warmth. “What’s your taste in movies?”
“Considering I watch historical documentaries in my free time, I’ll let you pick.” Relief rushed through Kai. Ezra prowled toward Kai’s couch and made himself at home.
“Are you opposed to horror?” Ezra glanced back.
“We talking like Scream level or Saw ?” Kai took his time rising from the bed. He slowly dragged his shirt and sweats back on, not missing the way Ezra’s gaze flicked to him. Damn.
“What about one of the classics, like Romero?” Ezra asked.
Kai shrugged as he approached the couch where Ezra had made himself comfortable. He settled in beside him, and their legs brushed. A thrill flared through him. “I’ve never seen a Romero movie.”
“None of the zombie classics?” Ezra placed a hand over his chest in mock-horror. “We’ll remedy that with Day of the Dead.”
“I’m game,” Kai said, and his gaze met Ezra’s. The warmth that burst to life in him was new and something he wanted to hold on to.
Tonight, for a few brief moments, he wanted to pretend he was normal still. That he wasn’t broken.
Tonight, he wanted to just be a guy, exploring something new with another guy.
Tonight, he just wanted to dream.