Chapter 15 ALEX
ALEX
I curl up on my couch and stare out the living room window, drifting between numbness and panic as I try to wrap my mind around the situation I’ve found myself in.
The guy I have a crush on broke into my house, tied me down, raped me, and he thinks we’re dating. I need to figure out how to escape him, but I can’t run from him like I did from Danny.
I have no idea what to do.
My phone chimes, startling me, and I see a new contact name pop up.
Theo, 1:49 AM:
Sweetheart, go to bed. It’s late.
How would he know I’m awake? It’s not like he can see me or -
I stare at the phone, horror piercing through the confusion.
Oh my god, he’s got cameras in my house.
How long has he been watching me? Where are the cameras?
I look around quickly, but I can’t see anything obvious.
What should I even be looking for? I pull out my laptop to search for surveillance equipment, but my search engine glitches and shuts down.
I try it twice more, but it does the same thing each time.
Is he in my laptop? I need a fucking drink.
I open my fridge, finding it packed with more food than I can reasonably eat.
It looks like a health food store exploded in my fridge.
There are glass containers with sticky notes on them, and neat, blocky handwriting listing what’s inside, the date it was made, and reheating instructions.
I pull one of the containers out and stare at the salmon, vegetables, and rice suspiciously.
I do some rough math, and indignation flares through me.
This asshole is fucking dieting me.
I worked so hard to get my life under my control, and he’s taking it all away from me.
I can’t go to the cops or get a rape kit, because if my real name goes into the system, Danny will find me.
I can’t run, because Theo’s tracking me somehow besides my phone.
I’d look up ways to track people, but my laptop is no longer a resource.
I reach for my phone and then pause, considering.
He had it all weekend. Can you even hack a phone? Probably.
Fuck. I’m trapped.
I breathe deeply and think of the affirmations I’ve been repeating for months, but I can’t seem to remember them.
Theo, 2:02 AM:
You should get some sleep.
I don’t sleep, but I lay in bed and pretend so that he stops texting me.
I replay the weekend in my mind, getting stuck on the sex.
Rape? Sex? I don’t even know what I think that was, and I can’t handle how it made me feel, so I try to ignore it.
This has to be about more than sex if he thinks we’re dating, but I don’t know.
He’s going to kill me either way, but if I play along, maybe he won’t hurt me until then.
How did I end up in this situation? Maybe this is just what happens with me and men. Maybe this is my fault, somehow, the same way Danny was.
I close my eyes and exhale harshly, pinching myself.
I can’t think about it like that anymore – there’s no fucking way that was my fault, and this isn’t, either.
I lay there until my alarm goes off then get up and start getting ready quickly, staying as clothed as possible.
When I walk out into the living room, I groan when I notice all the gift bags.
I can’t accept anything from him, but I can’t piss him off by throwing them out, so I put them all under my bed.
My phone chimes repeatedly, but I ignore it. I need to play along with him, but I can’t lean into his delusion, so I’ll just try to ignore him for the most part.
Theo, 7:00 AM:
Good morning. How are you feeling?
You haven’t had insomnia before.
Theo, 7:14 AM:
You forgot your lunch.
I get to work early, skipping the cafe just in case he knows I go there, and I sit at my desk and stare into space trying to figure out how to handle this.
Theo, 7:53 AM:
Why didn’t you come to the coffee shop?
Of course he’s been stalking me there. God, how did I not notice any of this?
Theo, 8:32 AM:
Why aren't you eating breakfast?
Oh my god, he’s got cameras in my office, too. Is that why he was here last week? How long has he been following me?
I pull up the web browser on my work computer and start looking for surveillance equipment to see what I should be looking for, but my web browser crashes.
I pull up the browser again, searching for “THEODORE ANDERSON OREGON” and the browser crashes.
I search for what to do if you’re being stalked, and the browser crashes again.
I’m on the verge of tears when I hear my phone chime.
Theo, 9:17 AM:
Please don’t be upset.
This is just while we adjust.
Theo, 10:09 AM:
You look gorgeous today.
Theo, 10:20 AM:
You don’t usually have this much coffee.
Theo, 11:41 AM:
Are you going to respond at any point?
At lunch, I run down to the rec center, leaving my phone at the office to get some reprieve. I try to lose myself in the yoga class, but I’m so scattered that I fall out of a pose, and I spend the rest of the class in child’s pose, just trying to keep myself from crying.
Theo, 12:22 PM:
Are you okay?
That fall looked painful.
Theo, 12:49 PM:
You forgot your gym bag at the rec center.
Okay, so I’m constantly under surveillance. Fuck, he’s taking everything away from me.
Theo, 1:15 PM:
Alex, you need to eat something.
I pretend everything is fine, but I think Suzie can tell something is wrong.
She keeps giving me this concerned look and asking if I’m okay when she comes down for coffee, which she’s doing far more than usual.
I just force a smile and tell her I have insomnia, and I think she can tell I’m lying, but she grabs her purse and slips me an Ambien anyway, telling me to get some sleep.
Theo, 2:39 PM:
Please don’t take medication that’s not yours.
Theo, 3:18 PM:
You shouldn’t have caffeine this late.
I sigh in agitation, shoving my phone in my desk drawer. He’s going to kill me, but apparently he’s going to mother me first.
Theo, 4:45 PM:
Do you need a ride home?
I leave work a few minutes early and walk home quickly, looking for him everywhere, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
When I get home, I look around my apartment for anything suspicious, but nothing seems to have changed, except that my planner now has “DINNER” on Wednesday written in red ink.
I close the planner and slip it into a drawer.
I guess that’s not mine anymore, either.
Theo, 5:55 PM:
Are you seriously not eating at all?
Theo, 6:02 PM:
How about dinner tonight?
Alex, please answer me. You’re being rude.
Fine. I’m coming over.
Panic flares through me and I scramble to leave my apartment. Ignoring him isn’t going to work, and I need to get out of here. Roger is still gone, and there’s no one in the rental right now, but maybe someone else can hear me scream if I’m not in my apartment.
I walk up the hill towards the center of town, silencing my phone to ignore the chiming. I’m jumpier than usual, constantly looking over my shoulder for any sign Theo, taking streets I’m not familiar with.
I end up in an older neighborhood that looks out over the river, full of nicely kept Victorian houses on big plots. I panic when I realize I’ve walked down a short, dead-end street. There’s only one large house at the end, partially obscured by trees, and there aren’t a ton of streetlights.
I need to get to someplace better lit, with a lot more people. I pull out my phone to help me navigate downtown and another text pops up.
Theo, 7:03 PM:
Can you please fucking answer me?
“Crazy asshole,” I mutter as I read the message.
“What is your problem today?”
I scream and spin around, finding Theo right behind me, looking down at me with a cold, polite smile and his arms crossed over his chest.
Fuck, he’s quiet.
“Um, I didn’t sleep well, and I’m not feeling like myself.
I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry,” I say, trying to keep my voice sweet and placating as I take a small step back from him.
I can make this work, but I need him to not be angry with me.
He sighs and cocks his head to the side a little, scrutinizing my face.
Whatever he sees makes his expression soften into something concerned but still irritated.
“Well, I don’t like being ignored or insulted, okay?”
“Okay,” I say quietly, taking one more tiny step away from him.
“Let’s get you inside.”
“What are you talking about?” He frowns and hooks a thumb over his shoulder silently, and I look behind him at the large house visible through the trees.
There’s no fucking way.
“Is that your house?”
He looks at me, puzzled. “Yeah, I sent you my address when you started walking. Did you seriously not read any of my texts?”
“My phone was on silent.”
“Wait, so you weren’t even trying to get here, and you still ended up here?” He looks extremely excited for some reason, which is probably bad.
“I guess so.” Theo’s whole demeanor softens, and he steps close to me, rubbing his hands over my shoulders and gripping me hard the second I try to pull away from him.
“Wow,” he says softly, smiling at me. “Listen, let me pick you up next time, okay? I don’t want you walking alone in the dark.
” He loops a tight arm around my shoulders and guides me towards the steep, tree-lined driveway at the end of the road towards a massive, well-kept Victorian.
All the lights are on, giving the house an inviting air that feels wrong given the circumstances.
The property looks out over the town and river, and the lights from the houses and ships and the bridge twinkle softly beneath us.
It’s beautiful, and for just a minute, surprise washes away all of my fear.