Chapter 23 #2
“Apparently, she filed the restraining order because she’d been fucking my asshole roommate for six months, and she knew I wasn’t going to take it well.
” He takes a deep breath in and blows it out quickly.
“I didn’t take it well. I couldn’t really control my reaction – I was young, you know?
– and I absolutely lost it.” He grimaces.
“I wanted to take my time telling you, maybe wait until you and I were in a better place and you were more adjusted.” He raises our hands to his mouth and presses a gentle kiss to the back of my hand.
“It seemed like that was happening,” he says under his breath, his tone sad and a little resigned.
He looks over at me, but I’m looking out the window, staring at the car ahead of us as I struggle to get my breathing under control. He killed her, and now he’s going to kill me.
Now that I’m not pushing him to do it, it’s so much scarier.
I can’t believe I’ve been stupid enough to think I can handle this.
I start hyperventilating as Theo takes the exit to get us on the highway towards the coast. He’s going to kill me when we get back, I’m sure of it.
“Woah, hey, deep breaths, okay?” He squeezes my hand again. “I know this is a lot to take in, but it’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise. Why don’t we -”
“Please don’t kill me,” I beg, and he shoots me a wounded look.
“Alex, come on. That’s fucked up.”
I gape at him in horror. “I just found out you killed your fucking girlfriend!”
“Wait, what? I didn’t kill Ashley! I didn’t fucking touch her.
Jesus, Alex, you know me better than that,” he says, his voice indignant and hurt.
He squeezes my hand again, frowning at me.
“I tried to kill Kevin, sweetie. I got really close, too, before Ashley knocked me out with a baseball bat, but I still beat the ever-loving shit out of him and put him in a coma. I mean, technically, his doctors put him in a coma, I just gave him the brain damage that made it necessary.” He snorts and shakes his head slightly.
“Ashley was a softball player in high school, so Kevin wasn’t the only one with brain damage,” he says, rolling his eyes at me.
He seems to realize that joking is the wrong move once he sees my face, and he looks away quickly.
“Anyway, he’s awake now and lives with his mom, I think.
He kind of has to,” he mutters the last part under his breath, but I catch it.
I stare at him, horrified.
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“Um, yeah?”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” My voice is so shrill that Theo flinches.
“It’s not that bad, honey. I’m not going to tell you what Adam did, but I’m a fucking saint compared to him, I promise.” I give him a questioning look, and he shakes his head a little bit, staring ahead at the road. I think about how he was trying to keep me away from Adam, and I shudder.
I don’t think I want to know.
“What happened to Ashley?”
Theo shrugs. “Last I checked, she was about to finish her residency, but that was a few years ago.”
“Why are you bothering me if you were so fucking in love with her?” I ask, and he winces.
“Um, after she gave her victim impact statement, I found out that we’d never had the relationship I thought we did.
She didn’t even love me, she loved Kevin - just not enough to stay with him after all that brain damage,” he says, sounding both disdainful and smug.
He shrugs and then looks at me, a little bemused.
“Wait, Alex, are you jealous?” I blanch at the suggestion, and he laughs.
“Seriously, sweetheart, don’t be,” he says, kissing the back of my hand.
“That was so different from what we have. Honestly, I basically didn’t even give a shit about her compared to how I feel about you.
” He smiles at me sweetly and I burst into tears, jerking my hand out of his to cover my face as I sob.
“Fuck,” he mutters, letting me take back my hand and smoothing his hand over my hair as I sob.
“Sweetheart, please don’t cry. Everything’s fine.
” He keeps trying to comfort me, his voice getting increasingly panicky, but everything he says makes it worse.
Eventually he stops talking, taking my hand in his and running his thumb over the back of my hand in small circles in an attempt to be soothing.
I don’t stop crying until we get back to his house.
I got lulled into this false sense of security, convinced myself that I could handle this because he’s affectionate and hasn’t hit me and he’s good in bed, but he’s still going to kill me.
He parks and turns toward me, pulling my face towards him with his free hand, looking at me with concern.
“Let’s get you inside, okay? I’m so sorry you found out like this.
I wish I’d been able to tell you on my terms, but we’re going to get past this.
It’s all going to be fine.” He pulls handcuff keys out of the center console and uncuffs me, and I let him lead me inside and guide me to the couch.
I’m starting to get numb, so I just stare at him as he kneels between my legs, cupping my face and giving me a nervous smile.
“I know the prison thing is freaking you out, honey, but I promise that I’m in a better place now. I did a lot of work on myself while I was in prison, and I see a therapist now.” I school my face into an expression I hope looks neutral and not horrified.
I don’t want to know what he was like when he was younger if this is him better.
“You don’t need to be afraid of me, Alex. I made bad choices, but I’m not a bad person.” I take a shuddering breath and try to stay calm.
“Theo,” I say, my voice shaky, “can you understand why I’m scared?
” He looks at me, frowning. “It’s just that I don’t really have a choice of whether or not to be here, and I don’t actually know you at all, and I’ve been letting you fuck me, and I can’t go to the cops, and you’re a stalker, and almost a murderer, and you’re probably going to kill me, and -” Theo covers my mouth with his hand, which is for the best.
“Alexandria, you need to stop spiraling. You’ve got a skewed perception of our relationship right now because you’re upset, but you’re being mean.
You do know me, okay? You just didn’t know this about me.
” I’m glad his hand is still over my mouth because I want to laugh at how insane he sounds.
“Also, you haven’t been letting me fuck you.
You’ve got this idea that our sex life and relationship are one-sided, and it’s hurtful because they aren’t.
You’re a very active participant in both.
” He finally drops his hand from my mouth, but I have nothing to say.
He sighs in frustration and looks away from me, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Listen, I’m sorry today sucks, okay? I felt like things were going well this morning.
Why don’t we try to reset? We were going to get brunch, so let me make you brunch.
I won’t split the hollandaise.” He gives me a small smile, and I stare at him, dumbfounded.
His smile falters, and he nods. “Okay. I’m going to be in the kitchen. ”
I pull out my phone the second he’s out of the room and search “THEODORE ANDERSON OREGON” but my search engine shuts down immediately.
It was worth a shot. I look around and see his phone and keys on the coffee table, and I grab his phone as quietly as I can.
I look at the lock screen and type in my name, and it opens. Of course.
I search his name and click on the first item.
LOCAL STUDENT ARRESTED ON ASSAULT CHARGES
February 3, 2014
SALEM, Ore. - A University of Oregon senior is being held on a $150,000 bond after he was arrested on charges of assault in the first degree, stalking, and harassment.
Police say Theodore Robert Anderson, 21, was arrested after assaulting his roommate, Kevin Eric Jackson, 21, in the apartment of Ashley May Chen, 21.
Chen has an active restraining order against Anderson dated January 17, 2014, and she alleges that Anderson began harassing her and stalking her following their breakup on December 27, 2013.
Anderson was allegedly hiding inside Chen’s house when he discovered Chen and Jackson romantically involved. Anderson brutally attacked Jackson, only stopping when Chen hit Anderson over the head with a baseball bat and was able to contact law enforcement.
Jackson is currently in an induced coma as he recovers from the traumatic brain injury caused by Anderson. Chen’s lawyers have requested her whereabouts be kept confidential.
Theo comes back into the room with a cup of coffee, grimacing when he sees me looking at the phone. He walks over and pulls it from my hand, scrolling through it briefly before sighing and setting it down on the coffee table.
“Alex, don’t freak out, okay?” I can feel the edges of my perception starting to get blurry, but I can’t afford to get numb right now. I need to focus.
“You were in her house?” He grimaces as he sits next to me and grabs my hands, gripping them tightly.
“Uh, yeah. I needed to talk to her, and she was avoiding me.”
“Can you blame her? Being stalked is terrifying.” He winces slightly, but I don’t think the jab lands fully.
“I’ve tried to apologize.” He makes a face. “She has not accepted.”
“Would you have killed Kevin?” Theo looks up at the ceiling, his jaw tense.
“Probably. I was very upset at the time.”
“How are you even out?” He shrugs.
“I had good lawyers, I took a plea deal, and I got out on parole for good behavior.” He seems so nonchalant about it, and I narrow my eyes at him.
“Have you ever killed anyone?” His face goes blank instantly, and I lean away from him. He looks over my shoulder, and his mouth becomes a thin line.
“Um, yeah,” he says quietly, “I killed my dad when I was twelve.” My eyes widen uncomfortably, and I lean farther away from him, feeling his hands grip mine tighter.