Chapter 56 THEO
THEO
The psychologist Elise hired, who I lied to carefully and relentlessly, testifies that I’m a reasonable, mostly stable person with complex trauma, and while I was afraid for my own life, I was genuinely terrified for Alex’s.
The doctors testify that while I was severely injured when we got to the hospital, they almost lost Alex, which I did not know.
The rental owner testifies that the body was horrifying to see, which is a little fair, because I completely lost my mind.
The cops testify that no one who could do what I did to Danny should be allowed to walk free, but they’re fucking cops and they’re being melodramatic because he was a cop.
After two days of sitting in this courtroom impatiently listening to people I don’t fucking care about, we get to the most important testimony. When Alex walks into the courtroom, everything else fades away, and I have to work hard to seem somber.
She still looks too thin and tired, but she seems a lot more like herself.
She’s obviously nervous, but her shoulders drop slightly the second she sees me, and she seems calmer immediately.
I’m not supposed to interact with her, but I can’t help smiling at her a little bit and giving her a quick wink.
She blushes, trying not to look at me, and Elise clears her throat sharply, so I look down at the table until I can control myself.
Once the prosecutor starts asking questions, I have to work hard to keep my shit together. I didn’t want Alex to testify because I thought it would be too hard on her, but I didn’t even consider that listening to her would be hard on me, mostly because I’m a fucking idiot.
The prosecutor asks her tough questions about what happened, and it’s a series of stops and starts because she keeps crying.
I’m stuck at this fucking table, and it’s making me miserable to have to watch her cry with no way to comfort her.
I want to do anything I can to take care of her, so every time she looks over at me, I take a deep breath, and she follows suit.
It calms both of us down.
Alex gets into the details of what happened to her, some of which I knew and most of which I did not.
My knee bounces quickly as she talks about getting kidnapped, and I shut down entirely when she starts talking about what Danny put her through in the cabin.
When the prosecutor asks Alex if she remembers being raped by Danny and she says no, I go cold and work hard not to freak out in front of all these people.
She’s fucking lying.
“Mrs. Murphy, will you please review Exhibits 1 through 20?” The prosecutor gestures to the photos in front of Alex, but she stares at him for a second, not looking at the pictures in front of her or at the large crime scene photos printed and displayed for the jury to her left.
I can tell she’s tired, and when her eyes finally dart to me, I help her breathe.
Alex finally looks down and shuffles through the photos slowly, and I watch her face anxiously, my knee bouncing quickly.
“Now, you were the only witness to the altercation between Mr. Murphy and Mr. Anderson, correct?”
“Yes, I was,” she says, still looking down at the photos and cautiously not reacting to them.
“Do you believe Mr. Anderson acted out of self-defense when he did this?” he asks, waving a hand at the large, blown-up photos of Danny’s body.
“Yes, I do.” No, she doesn’t. She knows I did it for her. Everyone in this fucking courtroom knows I did it for her.
“You said earlier that you were experiencing some level of psychological dissociation as you witnessed the altercation, correct?” Alex raises her head and stares at the prosecutor, and I can tell she’s irritated.
“That’s correct,” she says, her tone sharper.
“Do you feel as though you were able to accurately assess the situation, given your psychological state at the time?” I grit my teeth as Alex’s face flushes and her eyes narrow.
“Being brutally beaten and raped isn’t fun, so excuse me for coping,” she snaps.
I draw in a sharp breath and hear Elise exhale slowly beside me.
“Seeing as Danny was raping me while I was dying, and Theo got shot and beaten half to death trying to save my life, I think I have an exceptionally accurate assessment of the situation, thank you very fucking much,” she says slowly, her voice acidic and condescending.
There’s a flurry of whispering in the courtroom, and the prosecutor looks irritated.
Alex looks at me, her face tense and anxious and furious, and I mime breathing in and out for what feels like the hundredth time in the last two hours, giving her a small, encouraging smile.
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, and I see an older woman on the jury catch the exchange.
The judge looks down at Alex, who has started to quietly cry again.
“Mrs. Murphy, I understand this is upsetting, but you need to calm down,” she says gently. Alex quickly wipes her eyes with a crumpled tissue and nods down at her hands.
“Yes, Your Honor. I’m sorry.” She looks up at the prosecutor. “I’m sorry, Mr. Franco.” He nods at her, and Elise hums in approval from beside me.
“That’s alright. I understand that you’ve been through a lot, but I thought you testified that you don’t remember being raped?” Alex pales and looks at her hands.
“I remember it starting,” she says quietly, “and I had to deal with all of the injuries, so I know it happened.” Those aren’t lies, but they also aren’t the truth. I have to look down at the table because I don’t need anyone on the jury to see how furious I am.
“Understood. Do you believe that this level of violence was justified as an act of self-defense?” I look back up at Alex as she nods down at her hands.
“Yes, I do.”
“Can you explain why?” She straightens up and looks at the prosecutor, her jaw set.
“Danny was terrifying. He was a big guy, he was really strong, he knew how to fight, he was trained with firearms, he had horrible anger issues, and he was extremely jealous. He would have used the same amount of violence to kill Theo, if not more. Danny seriously injured Theo, and that was while he was defending himself. I think the level of self-defense was entirely justified.” Alex’s voice is soft and insistent, and Elise surreptitiously draws a small smiley face on the notepad in front of her.
“I’m still having a hard time seeing how the level of extreme violence in these photos makes sense as an act of self-defense.” Elise makes a slight noise of irritation but doesn’t object.
It was an extreme level of violence, and the photos are jarring.
Danny’s head barely looks like anything anymore from how it’s collapsed in on itself, his face bashed in and the entire back of his head cracked open, his brains spilling out on the floor beneath him.
His arms, chest, and torso are covered in stab wounds and a few bullet holes, and he’s bloody everywhere.
All I see when I look at the photos is how much I love Alex, but I don’t know what she sees. I watch her closely as she looks at the pictures again, and my heart skips a beat as her face softens almost imperceptibly.
No one else would catch it, but I do.
Months ago, she and I briefly spoke about the fact that she remembers me killing Danny, but she never told me how she felt about it.
Now I know that she saw the love in it.
That’s my fucking girl.
“The photos make sense to me,” Alex says softly before looking back at the prosecutor. “Knowing Theo, he was terrified, and I’m sure he wanted to be absolutely positive that Danny couldn’t keep hurting me.” She shoots me a tender look, and I mouth I love you as subtly as possible.
“How did you feel about watching Mr. Anderson do that to your husband?” I focus on Alex’s mouth very carefully as she looks back at the prosecutor and takes a deep breath.
“It was horrible, but he only did it to protect me,” she says quietly, and I bite my cheek to keep from smiling at her when she looks at me with soft, adoring eyes.
“I know Theo never would have done anything like that if it wasn’t a life-or-death situation,” she lies, and the prosecutor gears up to ask her another question.
“She’s doing well,” Elise whispers quietly after the judge calls for a break. I watch the bailiff escort Alex out, catching her eye and giving her a small smile. “Now we just need her to make you look sympathetic.” I give Elise a brief, amused look.
“Tough ask,” I say quietly. Elise makes a big deal of putting her papers away in her bag, making a lot of noise as she does.
“Not as tough as you might think,” she whispers.
***
“Your Honor, I’d like to move to refer to the witness by her preferred name of Alexandria Shearer during my questioning.” Alex shoots Elise a look of deep gratitude, and the judge thinks for a moment before nodding.
“I think that’s fine,” the judge says, glancing at the court reporter and asking her to add it to the record.
“Thank you, Your Honor.” Elise, sharp and imposing in her tailored suit and high heels, softens as she approaches Alex. “Ms. Shearer, how did you meet Daniel Murphy?” Alex swallows hard.
“Um, he was one of the cops who came to tell me my parents had died in a car accident.” I hear some faint murmuring in the room.
“What were your respective ages at the time?”
“I was seventeen and he was twenty-eight.” More murmuring, and Elise hums in concern.
“How did you two enter into a romantic relationship?”
Alex laughs bitterly. “Uh, I wouldn’t say we entered into a relationship so much as he forced a relationship on me.” I’m slightly uneasy about the way she’s phrasing that, and my knee starts bouncing.
“How so?”