Chapter 5
Shawna
It’s so dark that I can’t even see the little clouds from my breath in the frigid air.
Headlights approach and my heart leaps in my throat.
It hasn’t escaped me that I came to this party to give my heart to Ryker, but I ended up losing it to Zane.
This has been by far the craziest Christmas Eve ever.
Mine is typically spent sipping hot chocolate in front of the fireplace, which I’d love to be doing right now.
My heart won’t let me leave though. That kiss under the mistletoe stirred something inside of me, something I want to continue to explore.
“Zane wins!” Jackson throws his fists in the air and then turns to all of the football team.
“I told you son-of-bitches he’d win. Time to pay up.
” There’s a round of grumbles, but Jackson shines the light on his phone and begins collecting everyone’s payment.
Zane’s Camaro slides a little on the ice then comes to a stop.
He unfolds his tall frame, his eyes widening in surprise when they meet mine.
Everyone greets him, but no one dares to get too close.
I inch forward, watching him for any signs of how he feels about me being here.
People are talking all around him, but his lips aren’t moving.
They’re partly open and he is staring at me.
As if by his will, I walk faster toward him.
He takes a step toward me, parting the crowd.
I feel ice beneath my feet, and before I can even react, I lose my balance.
Zane rushes forward and his long arms reach out to steady me.
Someone snickers and the look Zane throws over his shoulder could melt the ice beneath my feet.
His eyes soften when he turns them back on me. “Are you okay? You’re freezing.”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
His eyes widen a fraction but then harden and turn to narrow slits. Zane’s hands flex and his Adam’s apple bobs with a heavy swallow. “What the fuck do you care if I’m okay?”
The slight tremble of his voice doesn’t match his harsh words. I give him my honest answer. “I don’t know. I just do.”
I’m not prepared for the assault of his lips on mine. He swallows my gasp, and he pulls me against him. He asks against my lips. “How’d you get here?”
“I rode with Zoey.”
“Do you want to ride with me? Not back to the party. Somewhere we can be alone.”
I nod, eager to spend more time with him, to learn more about him. I want to study him and understand him. His eyes search mine, and in a stern voice he claims, “I’m not going to be your boyfriend. I’m not long term. Anything that happens, it’s only for tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t fucking deserve you. And you don’t deserve to put up with my shit and all the baggage I come with. I’m selfish enough to invite you back to my place.”
“And I’m selfish enough to ask that you give me the entire rest of the night.”
“All night it is then.”
****
Zane navigates through the dark winding rodes with expertise.
I know he’s driving slower on my behalf, which I appreciate it, but my body is so wound up over him.
The dim lighting from the dashboard illuminates his handsome face.
Christmas music hums through the speakers, and I can’t help but smile.
“I’m surprised you were listening to Christmas music.”
“I wasn’t.”
“It’s playing…”
“I turned it on for you. I heard you singing it with Zoey…on more than one occasion at school.”
“How long have you noticed me?”
His answer is a noncommittal shrug. I’ve noticed him plenty, of course, but I’d always been too scared to consider him as anything more than…Zane. The tires crunch as he pulls into a gravel driveaway. It’s dark, but I can tell this house is rundown. I open the door, but Zane touches my arm.
“Let me come around to help you. It’s slick.”
I allow Zane to help guide me to the wooden front porch, that’s missing a few boards.
Without saying anything, Zane shows me where to step as the porch creaks in protest under our weight.
He opens the screen door and places a key in the lock.
From the shape of the wooden door, a good shove would probably open it – locked or not.
When it’s opened, he directs me to step inside.
My nose inhales the sweet scent of sugar cookies, as my skin welcomes the warmth.
Zane flips a light switch, and I notice the house is extremely tiny but homey.
The living room is extremely small with only a television, couch and recliner.
The kitchen has only the bare essentials with little counter space.
Then there’s a tiny table for two. The kitchen is clean, but the warmth and fresh sweet aroma is still lingering.
I look over to find Zane watching me carefully. “Did someone bake sugar cookies?”
He releases a surprised chuckle. “What?”
“It smells really good in here. Like sugar cookies.”
Evident relief washes over his face. He looks down as though he’s unsure how to answer. I smile wildly and ask, “Did you? Do you bake?”
“I did. I baked some for my Nana.”
I look around and notice there’s no Christmas tree or wrapped presents.
There’s no evidence inside this house that tomorrow is Christmas.
Only the smell of sugar cookies. Before I can ask who he lives here with, Zane takes my hand and leads me toward the hallway.
One of the doors is cracked, and I see that it’s the bathroom.
He opens a door and leads me in. The lights are off, but instead of flipping the switch, he turns on a bedside lamp.
The room is bare except for a simple full-size bed, nightstand, closet, suitcase, and one dresser with a cracked mirror.
Zane stands towering before me, his body so lean yet muscled.
His raven curled hair wild against his sharp facial features.
The dim lighting making his features more prominent.
His eyes burning bright with desire, but still cautious as they take in my face.
“Shawna, we don’t have to do anything.”
I know we don’t. There’s not a doubt in my mind that I could tell him to take me home, and he would.
No pressure. What Zane doesn’t realize is that after that kiss, I’ve never felt so much.
I want to see if I can feel more. I’m almost eighteen, and I’ve lived my life dull and by the book.
I never would’ve imagined that last year when Zane first appeared that I would be alone in a room with him on Christmas Eve about to offer my virginity to him on a silver platter.
“Shawna? I don’t want you to feel pressured. Let’s just watch a movie.”
“No. I…” I place my hands on his chest and lick my lips. I look up and confess, “I want you, Zane.”
I feel his intake of breath. “Is that what you want for Christmas?” I nod and smile. “You have the most beautiful smile. Are you sure? I’m not good, Shawna.”
“Did you make the naughty list?”
“I’ve never not been on there.”
“Zane. Stop trying to convince me to push you away. You promised me tonight.”
He slides his hands underneath my shirt and runs them along my sides and then circles to my back. “I don’t break my promises. But this is only for tonight.”
“Tonight.”
His heart is pounding beneath my palm as his lips feather along mine. He increases the pressure against my lips at the same time his hands feel along my back. Abruptly, he pulls back and stares at me.
“You’re not wearing a bra.”
“No. Cameron’s don’t fit me.”
Zane lifts my shirt above my head in one swift move.
On instinct, I bring my arms up to cover myself.
He circles me, much like a wolf does when he’s found his prey.
Slowly, Zane closes in and guides me to the bed.
I sit down and enjoy watching him remove his shirt and jeans.
He grabs his wallet and pulls out a foil packet.
“It’s important to me…it’s important for you to know that you’re the only girl I’ve ever brought here. I didn’t want to do this with you at a party, or in the back of my car. Nobody has ever been to any of the places I live.”
“Any of the places?”
He shrugs. “I get rotated and shifted around quite a bit between grandparents, mom, dad, and a few times, my aunt. But I never bring a girl ‘home.’” He does air quotes on the word home.
“I’m glad.”
He nods and then places his fists on either side of me. “Why are you hiding from me? I think it’s evident that I find you attractive.” I blush, because there’s definitely a large bulge at his black briefs. “If either one of us should be self-conscious, it should be me.”
“You’re gorgeous and the biggest badass. What on Earth could you be self-conscious about? Especially with…me.” It’s not that I think less of myself, it’s just that I’m stating the obvious. This is Zane. I’m quirky, plain girl Shawna.
His nose runs along mine as he releases a disbelieving chuckle.
“Wow.” He repeats it again. “Wow. You have no clue how special you are. You’re this priceless, rare gem.
I’m the dirt you’re burying yourself in.
I’m the typical loser bad boy, a dime a dozen.
You are so wholesome and sweet…” He kisses my cheek. “I’m an asshole and a criminal.”
“Criminal?”
“That got your attention. I know you’ve heard whispers and rumors.” He kisses along my neck. “Are you still sure?”
The sensation of his lips easing lower on my collarbone sends a heat that gathers at my core. I’ve never been kissed there. The skin is so tender, and his lips are so warm. “Have you ever murdered someone or hurt children?”
“No.” He scoffs.
“What about puppies? Kittens?”
He nips my collarbone and says, “I’d never hurt either.”
I sigh. “Then we’re good. I couldn’t handle that. Or old people. Don’t mistreat them.”
“I one time did hit my grandpa with a shovel.”
“Why?”
“He tried to steal my money for booze. I mowed lawns for a week straight to buy new shoes. I caught him in my hiding spot in the backyard going through my backpack and counting my money. I knew he wouldn’t let me have my money back, so I hit him with a shovel then took my money and ran.
Told my grandma to call my mom for me and begged her to let me live with her again. ”
His eyes slowly come up to meet mine. My heart stops. “What a horrible man. I’m glad you hit him with a shovel.”
Relief fills his eyes. “I’ve mostly gambled in cards and races. I’ve been a runaway vehicle driver for my dad in whatever shit he’d gotten into. I’ve been in lots of fights – lots. When I’ve been hungry enough, I’ve shoplifted or dined and dashed.”
“You have been naughty,” I say, trying to ease the tension between his eyes. “Why don’t you show me how nice you can be?” I surprised myself with the bold comment, but I go with it.
“Yes ma’am.” Zane says. He gently uncrosses my arms and takes my nipple between his lips.
“Zane.” I moan.