Chapter Two #6
Hongjoong snorts against my shoulder blade. “Suffering, mostly.”
He says it lightly, like a joke, but I can hear the edge underneath it, the weariness of someone who’s been white-knuckling his way through his own body’s need for a long time. And I know why. I know exactly why, even if he doesn’t.
I stare at the wall and guilt coils into the pit of my stomach, thick and nauseating.
He doesn’t know. He has no idea that the reason he can’t knot anyone else, the reason every omega the agency sent was unsatisfying, the reason he’s been suffering through his ruts alone for years, is because he’s already bonded.
Has been bonded since that night on the classroom floor fifteen years ago.
I didn’t know what was happening at the time.
I don’t think he did either. But somewhere between the desperate fumbling and the heat of his mouth on my neck and the way he knotted me for the first time on that cold tile floor, something clicked into place between us that neither of us understood or acknowledged, and by morning it was done.
And I’ve never told him. I’ve never told him about the bond, and I’ve never told him about Sungyoon, and those two secrets sit inside me like stones I’ve been carrying so long they feel like part of my skeleton.
I wait with my eyes fixed on the wall until I feel the knot start to soften, the swell gradually reducing, the pressure inside me easing degree by degree.
When it’s small enough, Hongjoong pulls out in one smooth motion, and I moan quietly at the sudden emptiness, my hole clenching around nothing, cum and slick leaking out of me in a warm rush that drips down the inside of my thigh and onto the sheets.
I don’t move. My limbs are still trembling with aftershocks and my muscles feel like they’ve been wrung out, and I lie there on my side with my eyes half-closed and try to gather the energy to get up.
Before I can, I hear Hongjoong moving behind me. The mattress shifts as he gets up, and then shifts again a moment later as he sits back down on the edge of the bed near my hips. His hand lands on my thigh and pushes gently, spreading my legs apart.
I lift my head off the pillow and look back at him. “What are you doing?”
“You didn’t feel like you stretched enough beforehand,” Hongjoong says in a matter-of-fact tone, already reaching for something on the bedside table. I hear the soft pop of a lid being twisted off and see a small tub of ointment in his hand. “I’m checking you.”
“You don’t need to do that,” I say, starting to close my legs, but Hongjoong’s hand is already between my thighs, his fingers careful as he swipes away the mess of cum and slick leaking from my hole.
The touch is proprietary, nothing sexual about it, and I feel my cheeks burn hot as he examines me with enough attention to make me want to crawl out of my own skin.
Clients don’t do this. This isn’t something any alpha I’ve ever been with has done.
They finish, they pull out, and they either roll over and go to sleep or they tell me I can use the bathroom to clean up before I leave.
Nobody has ever sat me down afterward and checked to make sure they didn’t hurt me.
Hongjoong dips two fingers into the ointment and rubs it gently around my swollen rim, the cool salve stinging for a second before it starts to soothe, and I bite my lip and look away, staring hard at the headboard.
He works carefully, his touch light and thorough, and I can feel him checking the tissue for tears, for damage, his fingers moving with an attentiveness that makes my throat.
“Nothing’s torn,” he says after a moment, sounding satisfied. He wipes his fingers on the edge of the sheet and screws the lid back onto the ointment. “But you’re going to be sore tomorrow. You should’ve let me prep you more.”
I don’t answer that. I push myself upright as soon as his hands are off me, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and standing on legs that are still unsteady beneath me.
I cross the room to the chair where I folded my clothes and reach for my pants first, stepping into them and pulling them up over my hips, fastening the button and the belt with fingers that are only slightly less steady than I’d like.
I pull my shirt on next, working the buttons closed one by one, and I keep my eyes on my own hands the entire time, not looking at Hongjoong, not looking at the bed, not looking at anything in this room that might make me feel something I can’t afford to feel right now.
Once I’m fully dressed, I smooth down the front of my shirt, tuck it into my pants, and turn around.
Hongjoong is still sitting on the edge of the bed, shirtless, his pants pulled back on but unfastened, his blonde hair mussed from where he was pressing his face against my back.
The tattoo on his right side is fully visible now, dark ink climbing up his ribs and over his shoulder, and he’s watching me with an expression like he’s waiting to see what I’ll do next.
I meet his eyes and keep my voice even. “You can send the payment in the morning. I won’t complain if it’s late.” I pause, swallowing once. “I’m sorry about the awkwardness. I understand completely if you don’t want to speak about this again, and I’ll tell the agency you opted out of a contract.”
Hongjoong tips his head to one side, that cat-like angle, and his brows draw together. “What are you talking about?”
I look down at my feet, at my socks on the expensive hardwood floor. “Well, you probably don’t want to sign a contract with me now that you know it’s me. Right?”
“What would make you think that?”
I look up. Hongjoong is watching me with genuine bewilderment on his face, like I’ve said something ridiculous.
“I want to sign the contract tonight, actually,” he says. He leans back on one hand, casually. “I’ll extend the terms and add a bonus if you want. Make it a full two-year contract.”
I blink. The words bouncing off my skull but not sticking. “Why?”
Hongjoong laughs, startled, and the dimple appears in his left cheek, deep and unmistakable, and my son’s face flashes behind my eyes so vividly that I have to look away.
“Are you kidding?” he says. “That was the best sex I’ve had in years.” He points at me, grinning wide. “Congratulations, Jae. You’ve got yourself an alpha.”