Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
KENSINGTON, TEXAS
Sometimes, the speaker says it better than I do.
“In a year where we’ve lost so much, to have our community surround us is the cushion after the fall. Day after day, they’ve kissed our healing cuts. We appreciate those who have donated everything from the venue, goods, services, and, above all, their time to support Greenwich Hospital. But there’s always more to do. We’re not the only organization that needs help. Send Me An Angel—chaired by the incredible Ursula Moore—is one such organization. If you’re looking for other ways to help, I’m certain StellaNova will have their information included on their website tonight, as well as ours.”
Our gratitude to Dr. Laura Lockwood, affectionately known by all at StellaNova as “Queen Gore.” Earlier this year, Gore’s life was threatened by terrifying events at Greenwich Hospital.
—StellaNova
Jesse slides me a beer across the table before acknowledging the disgust on my face at the woman I finished chasing away with a few well-placed harsh sentiments. “Not interested tonight?”
“Not interested, period.” It’s the truth. I want nothing to do with middle-aged women looking for whatever they think they’ll find. All I want or need is waiting for me to call her back when I’m done catching up with my brother.
“Interesting.”
“What is?”
“You.”
“What about me?”
“You’re throwing off ‘taken’ vibes.”
I tip my head back for a long pull before asking, “Is it that obvious?”
“Only to someone who knows you as well as I do.” He takes a drink of his own longneck before remarking, “Of course, it might be because the chick didn’t notice the mark on your neck. Got yourself some while you were in Seven Virtues?”
I’d just taken another slug of beer and—fortunately for my older brother—twist my head before the spray of it flies out of my mouth. Pulling from the roll of paper towels Ralph keeps on his beat-up tables in lieu of wasting money on something as classy as napkins, I wipe up my mess when I grit out, “Christ, Jess.”
He holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Just making an observation, brother.”
“How about not doing it when I have a mouth full?”
He smirks. “Seems to me you likely had your mouth full plenty recently.”
“Watch what you say,” I warn, an undercurrent in my tone that brooks no arguments. I won’t let my brother demean Fallon in any way.
“So, she’s someone special?”
You have no fucking idea. I shrug, trying to pull off nonchalant.
And apparently failing miserably when Jesse counters with, “You’re so full of shit, it reeks from this side of the table.”
“Jess—” I begin.
“What?” he questions, confused. “You’ve never not shared about a woman with me. I mean, it’s not like you fucked our Fallon.”
I avoid his eyes, concentrating instead on peeling the label back from my dark ale.
“Ethan, tell me you didn’t.”
I decide silence is the best answer but in my head, I’m shouting to myself, It wasn’t just fucking. It can’t be something as dismissive as that when your heart’s involved.
Jesse’s sigh is so enormous you can hear it over the rodeo competition on the big screen. “Tell me you wouldn’t be stupid enough to do something like that.”
“What would make Fallon and me—two consenting adults—coming together stupid?” I question. Then I hasten to add, “Not that I’m admitting to anything, mind you.”
“Right.” He drawls the word out long enough to extend it into next week. Then he hits me with a few hard truths that have lived in my head for years—preventing me from taking what’s mine years ago. “Maybe it’s the fact you’re old enough to be her father? Or the fact she’s our niece’s best friend?”
I wince, knowing both to be true.
“Let’s not forget she’s about to take her first baby steps in life and we’re about to teeter into retirement?”
“Speak for yourself, old man,” I retort.
His smile is smug and I want to throw a punch across the table to wipe it off his face. “What?”
“You didn’t deny it was Fallon.”
Crap. Crap and triple crap. I meet his gaze head-on and find concern and love but not what I expected to see, which was judgment. “Not a single word, Jess.”
His brow creases. “Why not?”
My mouth opens and closes before I come up with a plausible reason. “It’s new.”
Christ, is it new. So new I’m certain the texture of her skin beneath my fingertips is still there. This paradox of a woman is consuming my thoughts. I only flew home this morning and already resent the distance between us.
Just then, a text causes my phone to vibrate.
Fallon:
I wish you were still here.
Ethan:
I wish it was different.
Fallon:
Regrets?
Ethan:
No. You?
Fallon:
Only that time didn’t stand still.
Ethan:
We’ll figure this out, Fallon.
Fallon:
For some reason, I believe you.
Ethan:
Probably because I’ve never lied to you, witch.
When I place my phone face down on the table, Jesse gives me a knowing look. “Was that her?”
“Yes.” Judging by the expression on his face, he’s waiting for me to elaborate. “She was asking if I have any regrets.”
“And do you?”
I meet my brother’s challenging gaze before I give him the truth. “No.”
Jesse’s tight facial expression eases. “That’s all that matters.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. Keep treating Fallon that way and I won’t have to kill you.”
My jaw drops as I verbalize, “You’re not pissed at me being with Fallon. You’re worried I’m going to hurt her.”
My brother’s eyes bore into mine, the truth clear as day.
I stand up and pull out my money clip. Tossing a few bills onto the table to cover both our tabs and the tip, I lean forward to hiss, “You have nothing to worry about.”
He offers me a sad smile.
“Spit it out, Jess.”
He lets out a long sigh. “You’re not here, E. You’re not here to listen to the old man’s ramblings about Mama at home and in his therapy.”
Ice chills the heat in my blood. I slide back into my barstool, not saying a word.
Jesse takes that as a cue to go on. “He loved her so much he lied to our sister, kept her from her soulmate for decades. His pain turned him inhumane.”
Recalling the way he lied to our sister as she tried to find her baby’s father to notify him of her upcoming pregnancy in her late teens, I wince. The knowledge of the ways he systematically degraded her to make her co-dependent on him makes me roar in fury. The fact Paige forgave him says a lot about my sister.
As for me, “I harbor so much resentment about what he did to Paige, I’m not certain I can get past it.”
Jesse leans forward. “See, that’s just it.”
“What?”
“How can you pursue Fallon when you can’t give her your full heart?”
“I’d be giving Fallon everything I have,” I snarl.
“Would you be giving her your blind trust?”
Shock holds me in place when Jesse stands. “Right or wrong, Dad had his reasons. You need to listen to them.”
I dismiss him. “He’s made his peace with Paige. She’s the only one who needs to forgive him.”
“And the longer you keep thinking like that, the more your relationships are going to suffer.” Just as I’m about to argue some more, Jesse turns. “I’ve got to go. Are you done?”
I surge to my feet, ready to bury this topic and wishing I had a way to bury my cock in Fallon tonight. God knows I need her and only her.
Ethan:
Can you get away for a few days?
Fallon:
Seriously?
Fallon:
When?
Ethan:
Next weekend?
Fallon:
I’ll switch shifts?
Fallon:
Where are we going?
Ethan:
Would you care if the answer is nowhere?
Ethan:
I just want to see you.
Fallon:
That sounds perfect.
Fallon:
I miss you lying next to me.
Ethan:
Five days.
Fallon:
Seems like five million but it’s a start.
Encouraged by her response, the ache of discussing my father’s betrayal eases as I make my way out of Rodeo Ralphs to my truck. Knowing I’ll speak to Fallon daily between texts and phone calls, we can make this work.
We have to.
I can’t live without her any more.