Chapter 31
. . .
Stupid, stupid, stupid echoed through Heath’s head as he pushed Evan toward the bed, collapsing on top of him when his knees buckled and he fell back onto the sheets still in disarray.
He’d said no, and Evan had accepted it. All he’d had to do was return to his room, pretend to sleep for a few hours, then beg Olivia for his own transport to the tiny airport, because he couldn’t share that boat with Evan knowing it would be the last time he’d see him. Could not.
Except as he’d approached the door to the porch, he’d heard Evan pacing in the room across the way, and everything in him had rebelled against common sense.
His hands, his mouth, his skin, and heart all wanted more.
Just one last taste. One last touch. A final evening wrapped in each other’s arms, basking in the glow of how fucking amazing it felt to be there.
It was stupid. He’d regret this show of weakness for the rest of his days, but he’d have regretted not doing it as well, so screw it.
Evan arched into the mattress, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it across the room while Heath shed his own. The hot press of their skin made him want to cry in its perfection, and the coarse tickle of Evan’s chest hair across his already throbbing nipples dragged out a shameless moan.
He buried his hands in Evan’s hair, holding him immobile against the assault of his mouth along his jaw and neck. He moaned, cock jumping and pulsing at the sounds Evan made when Heath teased his favorite spot with his tongue and sank in his teeth.
Evan tore off his shorts and rolled him onto his back, pinning him to the bed with his weight. It felt perfect to be at his mercy. To writhe beneath him and succumb to the whims of his hands and mouth. The way he kissed Heath senseless, fingers wrapped firmly around his dick.
He shuddered, embarrassingly close to orgasm though they’d only barely begun.
But this was different. This wasn’t them taking their time because they had plenty to spare.
This was taking everything the other was willing to give, because it was their last opportunity to do so.
Their last chance to lay claim to a tiny shard of space in each other’s hearts.
Heath wrapped his legs around Evan’s hips and bucked, nodding wildly when he pulled back with questioning eyes. “Please.”
Evan had asked the same of him, and he’d denied it, but now he saw the folly of his pride. He needed this like his next breath. Needed to solidify the memory that this had happened. This man had been his, if only for a blink in time.
He pushed the bottle of lube into Evan’s hand and arched when a slick finger penetrated him and curled upward. Evan had such beautiful hands. Such long, slender fingers. They felt heavenly inside him.
Evan added a second, fucking him slow and deliberate. Readying him for what he really wanted and desperately needed.
“You’re sure?” He lined the head of his cock against Heath’s opening and nudged.
Heath moaned and tightened the grip of his thighs. “Please!”
Evan inhaled harshly against his neck and slipped an inch inside. The stretch was ecstasy. That moment of burn before he relaxed and canted his hips to take more.
“Jesus fuck, you’re so tight.” He pressed further, the pace so gentle and slow that it was torture.
“Evan. Please.”
Did he understand what he was asking for? This lover, made just for him. Such a cruel joke to hold perfection in his arms only to have him snatched away.
“You want me to fuck you?”
An incoherent moan rumbled free as the thick cock inched further inside, then retreated.
“Tell me you want me to fuck you, Heath.”
“Please.”
“No, use your words. Tell me what you want. Tell me you want me to split this tight ass in two with my dick. Say it.”
Heath shuddered, his cock throbbing in the space between them. Evan grunted and fisted it hard, squeezing him with a delicious efficiency that choked the building pressure until it abated.
“Tell me you want me,” he whispered, lips teasing the curl of his ear.
Heath whimpered and writhed, desperate for the fullness. Insane with the need to feel taken, claimed, owned.
“Tell me you want this.” Evan nudged again, his mouth hot on Heath’s neck. “And I’ll fuck you so good you’ll never want anyone else.”
It was already too late. Didn’t he know that? He could take one hundred lovers, and none would compare. None would ever be Evan.
“I want you,” he gasped, taking another inch as teeth bit into his shoulder.
“Want me to what, Heath? Do your taxes? I need specifics.”
Heath bit Evan hard in rebuke, reluctantly laughing alongside him as he chuckled and pressed kisses to his neck.
“C’mon, pookie. I know you can do it.”
Heath buried his hands in Evan’s hair and yanked his head back to face him. Those brilliant hazel eyes devoured him. Golden-green rings around pupils like black holes, pulling him into the abyss. Trapping him in liminal space.
“Please fuck me,” he begged, pulling Evan’s mouth to his. “Make me yours. I want to be yours.”
Evan slid home with a ragged inhale, and Heath let his head fall back against the pillows with a shuddering moan.
“You want to be mine?” he asked, sliding halfway out, then driving deep with a snap.
“Yesssss!” Heath arched his back and rode Evan’s hips.
“Then you’re mine, Lennox. I don’t care who shows up after I’m gone, this ass will always be mine. Never forget that.”
“No, yours. Oh my fucking God.”
Evan fucked him relentlessly, whispering filthy promises while Heath clung to him. Met each thrust with a greedy rise of his hips, each promise with a plea for more.
Those beautiful fingers gripped him again, pumping his cock in rhythm with the pounding of his hips, and Heath’s vision went white, head jerking back as his spine arched and the hot spray of his release shot over his stomach and chest.
Above him, Evan moaned, burying his cock to the hilt once, twice, thrice before he pressed his face into the pillows and let go with a hoarse shout, his body jerking with every pulse of pleasure as he came deep and hard.
They lay panting in the silence that followed. Evan turned his face into Heath’s neck and ran his fingers through his hair. Heath held him, pressing gentle kisses to his temple as his cock softened and slipped free, taking the feeling of belonging with it.
“Please stay.”
Heath closed his eyes, willing the tears burning at their edges to stay put. “I can’t. You know I can’t.”
A nod was Evan’s answer. No argument, save the tightening of his fingers in Heath’s hair as he nuzzled harder, ran that immaculate mouth over the pulse pounding in his neck. Memorized his scent with deep, ragged breaths.
He fought the desperate sob that pushed against his ribs.
This was good. He was glad Evan wasn’t arguing.
Not having another awkward conversation made this infinitely easier.
They would have this last moment together to remember and cherish, and that was so much better than walking away filled with anger or resentment.
Heath repeated the mantra while kissing Evan’s sweat-dampened ginger curls. He basked in the light, alluring scent that was Evan’s alone, praying it would cling to his own skin for just a little while longer.
Evan remained silent throughout his goodbye.
Eyes closed, he turned away when Heath shifted, lifting his own weight to make slipping out of the bed easier.
He wanted to say something, but didn’t dare.
Any words coming out of him now would betray the false strength he clung to until he reached the other side of the porch’s closed door.
Collapsing on the bed, he choked with sadness and regret. Poured his heart into the linens, even as he shoved aside the doubts fighting to undo his resolve.
I haven’t given a shit about anyone’s opinion of me in years, but from the moment we met, yours has mattered.
Whatever kept Evan on his father’s leash would still be there in the morning, and every morning after.
It wasn’t going away. So no matter how desperately he wished it weren’t so, tomorrow they would go their separate ways, because Heath refused to be a dirty little secret ever again. Not even for Evan Westin.