Chapter 17
Quentin
There are a lot of moments I’ve been nervous for in my life.
When Camille nearly got us caught while we were drinking underage when we lived back home. Our parents would’ve lost their minds had they found out, despite it being socially common among teenagers.
Or when I decided to leave said home for good. When I was nearly finished pitching my first no-hitter, because one mistake would ruin it all.
Right now, though, I don’t think I’ve ever been as nervous as I am.
Teagan’s on the table, waiting quietly as we’re about to see our baby together for the first time.
Looking at the sonogram was an impactful moment in itself.
The last time I went through this, thinking I was having a baby, my happiness was pulled out from underneath me faster than I could imagine when I discovered that it was all a lie.
So to now see my baby, my actual child in a photo is nearly an indescribable feeling.
It feels all-encompassing, like everything I thought I loved before pales in comparison to the tiny blueberry in that photo.
And knowing we’re moments away from seeing Blueberry growing and their heart beating has me more excited for this than anything else in my life.
“You okay?” Teagan asks, looking up at me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I brush it off, trying to play it cool.
“It’s okay if you’re nervous. I am too,” she admits, her honesty making me feel relieved that I’m not alone in this.
“What for?” I ask, my tone gentle.
“I just want everything to be okay, you know? I want Blueberry healthy.”
“They will be.” I do my best to reassure her, despite it not being a guarantee of a statement. “You’re taking care of yourself. Everything will be okay.”
Teagan nods silently as she takes it in, then asks, “Why are you nervous?”
I roll my lips together as I think of how to explain it.
“It’s the anticipation of emotions if that makes sense. I know hearing the heartbeat for the first time is going to change me, and it’s nerve-wracking awaiting such a huge emotion.”
I’m slightly nervous as well that somehow I’m not the father, because I’ve already become invested.I can’t go through that kind of pain again.
“I get that. When I heard it for the first time, it changed something in me. Knowing there was life inside of me that needs me, it’s what made everything set in for me,” she tells me, and God, I wish I had been there with her for that first time.
I don’t plan on missing a single thing from here on out.
“Good morning,” Dr. Caruso says as she enters the room with a warm smile, clipboard in hand.
“Good morning,” Teagan and I say in unison.
“Should we start with the paternity results?” she asks, looking from me to Teagan.
My gaze goes down to Teagan, who gives me a reassuring look.
“I’d like that,” I tell Dr. Caruso. It feels like a boulder of anxiety sits on top of my chest as I await her answer.
“The baby’s yours, Mr. Laurent,” she replies with a soft smile.
Relief blows through me and the nerves I’d been carrying since Teagan told me she was pregnant evaporate almost instantly at the confirmation that I’m going to be a father this time. While I trusted Teagan, having the reassurance after the shit I went through last time is something I needed.
“Thank you,” I murmur to Teagan, who’s looking at me with a small smile on her lips.
“I wanted you to have this sense of security in this situation,” she tells me, and I nod, doing my best to keep my emotions at bay because it’s exactly what I needed.
We stare at one another for a beat, my lips turning up into a smile as we do.
“Let’s see your baby now,” Dr. Caruso says happily as she cuts into the moment while she washes her hands in the sink and then covers them with gloves.
She presses a few buttons on the machine, then puts gel on the doppler.
“This will be cold,” she warns as she presses the doppler against her belly, moving it back and forth.
The room is eerily silent, so much so that I swear I can hear my heart in my chest beating rapidly. Then a strong thud, thud, thud fills the room and in an instant, everything changes.
Goose bumps spread across my skin at the noise, while my heart feels like it’s expanding in my chest, overflowing with a love so strong and powerful. In the last few years as I’ve spent time with my niece, it’s made me want to have a child of my own someday.
And now that day is here.
This baby, my baby, is my life now. I don’t care about anything except for how to be the best parent to Blueberry.
On the screen, there’s a tiny bean-looking image, and Dr. Caruso points to it and says, “There’s your baby.”
“Wow.” Teagan marvels, a hand flying to her mouth.
My knees go weak, forcing me to lower myself into the chair beside Teagan as my eyes mist with tears. There are tears pooling in her eyes as well and my fingers flex toward hers, wanting to wrap her hand in mine, but I refrain after the conversation we had when I picked her up.
She wants to keep this uncomplicated for the baby, and I want to respect it. Which means no unnecessary touching. Yet everything in my body screams that it is absolutely necessary to touch her right now. To have that connection with her, to express how happy I am that we’re doing this together.
Still, I restrain myself and focus on the screen, watching as the doctor takes images of different angles and records measurements.
“Are you okay?” Teagan’s soft voice draws my attention to her, and I swallow with a nod.
“Yeah, it’s just a lot to see for the first time,” I croak, then clear my throat. “In a good way,” I add, not wanting her to think any differently.
Her brown eyes are glassy and she blinks rapidly to keep the tears from falling. “I know what you mean.”
I’ve never seen her like this, and simply seeing the tears in her eyes is killing me. It makes me want to cradle her into me and hold her where I know both she and the baby will be safe.
Dr. Caruso goes over a few details regarding the pregnancy from what to expect as she transitions into her second trimester and things to look out for.
“Is there anything I can do to help as she goes through the pregnancy?” I ask once she’s done cleaning off the gel from Teagan’s belly.
“The advice I give to all dads is to just be there for her,” she replies, then adds, “Oh, and to give Mom whatever she wants. It makes everyone happier.”
We all laugh at that, and then she reminds us to book an appointment in two weeks once Teagan’s officially in her second trimester.
“Thank you so much,” Teagan says with a smile on her face, but I can tell something’s bothering her.
Once Dr. Caruso is out of the room and the door closes behind her, I turn to face Teagan.
“What’s going on?” I ask her gently.
“Seeing Blueberry makes me emotional, that’s all. It’s…exciting and terrifying. I didn’t think this was going to be my life, you know?”
I give her a soft smile and sigh. “I’ve realized that’s usually how life tends to go. The way we don’t expect.”
Teagan’s mouth opens like she’s going to say something, then pauses, closing her mouth instead. I desperately want to push and pry, to figure out what’s going on inside her head, but I don’t want to overwhelm her more than she already seems to be by forcing her to confide in me before she’s ready.
Instead, I do the second-best thing I know how to do and cover her hand with mine, giving it a gentle squeeze.
My skin instantly jolts at the contact and Teagan inhales sharply. Our gazes meet and the air around us shifts into something that feels familiar, yet unknown at the same time.
Time feels frozen for a moment as I look into her brown eyes when a knock on the room next to ours snaps the thread that was connecting us.
Tegan pulls her hand from under mine and says, “We should get going.”
“Right,” I agree, already feeling the absence of her skin against mine.
I help her down the examination table, and I wait for her to look at me, but she keeps her gaze averted even when we make it to my car.
“Did I do something wrong?” I ask once we begin our drive back to ESA.
“No, not at all. It was just me, not you. Sorry for being difficult to deal with. I don’t make things easy,” she says apologetically.
“You have nothing to apologize for. My sister was a troublemaker growing up, so I’m used to being challenged. Besides, I’m confident I can handle you.”
“Platonically, of course,” she reminds me.
“Of course,” I repeat her words, laughing as I do.
“Are you guys close?” she comments, changing the subject as I pull onto the road.
“We are. I spend any time I can with her and Liv.”
“Olivia is such a sweet girl,” she praises, making me smile.
“She is,” I agree, making me think of how great of a mom my sister is. It reminds me of how Camille wants to meet her, and I feel like this is the perfect time to bring it up.
“And my sister wants to meet you. Well, you’ve met at pick-ups, but officially meet you if you know what I mean,” I add, hoping she’ll be receptive to it.
“I’d like that.”
Her answer makes me relax, knowing that she’s open to it and is willing to have a relationship with my family.
“What about you and Ian? I remember you told me it was just the two of you growing up.”
I glance over at Teagan, seeing a small smile on her face. “He’s supportive, a bit overprotective, and kind of an asshole at times, but he’s the best brother. I couldn’t imagine growing up without him.”
“Kind of an asshole?”
“So you know him well.” She chuckles, making me smile at the sound. After clearing her throat, she asks, “Why do you guys hate each other?”
“We’re just different,” I say, not wanting to be disrespectful.
“I keep telling him he’s on a team sport and to act like it. But we are related, so he’s as bullheaded as I am.”
“Yeah, he’s something all right,” I mutter, the words slipping out uncontrollably.
“Look, I don’t expect you guys to be besties, but I’d like for it to not be a bloodbath anytime you’re in the same vicinity,” she says pointedly, and she’s fair in asking for that.
“I think it might be Ian who has a harder time with that.”
“You let me deal with him.”