Chapter 36
Teagan
The sun peeking through my closed curtains awakens me, the bright light making it hard to stay asleep.
I stretch in bed with a yawn before grabbing my phone to see that it’s just past nine a.m.
Sitting upright, my heart pounds excitedly when I realize that Quentin will be home today.
It’s been the longest two weeks of my life, and I don’t think quiet has ever felt so loud. I felt his absence daily, craving his smirks and gentle words.
God, it seems like forever since I’ve seen him.
My stomach flutters at the reminder, as I’m eager to see him, yet slightly nervous. Because the last time I saw him was after he helped me in the shower.
What has me nervous is that what if I see him and want to do that all over again? Because it’s definitely crossed my mind once or twice, or a lot.
I also miss him…and I’m confused about what all these varying feelings mean.
And I’m terrified to find out.
Not wanting to dwell on my feelings any longer, I decide to get up and get started with my day. It’s a Saturday, which means no work for me, so I can have a slow morning with my decaf iced coffee and breakfast.
I’m doing just that, sipping my coffee while eating a bagel with avocado when I get a ping from a notification on my phone.
I open it up to see an email from Director Olsen, congratulating me about the pregnancy and letting me know my options for maternity leave.
While I knew I would take a few months off after Blueberry was born, I never considered taking an entire year off teaching.
But with my desire to compete again, on top of having a baby, it might be the best choice despite how much I’m enjoying my job.
It’ll allow me to focus on myself training-wise and be a present mother to my baby.
I know Quentin plans on being hands-on, even when I eventually move out, so I know I’m going to have support, which is reassuring.
Although the idea of moving out makes my stomach twist because if I’m being honest, I don’t want to be on my own anymore.
I shake my head, trying to get those thoughts off my brain.
I need to focus on what’s important, which is talking to him about this. So when he gets home today, I’m going to be sure to mention it so that we’re on the same page going forward.
I’m rinsing off my dishes in the sink when I hear the front door open and close. What the fuck? Quentin isn’t supposed to be home until noon.
Turning the sink off, I cautiously call out, “Who’s there?”
I really would not survive in a horror movie.
“It’s just me,” Quentin calls back, making my chest deflate as I let out a sigh of relief.
He comes around to the entrance of the kitchen, the sight of him making my chest ache, because it feels like I just got back something I’ve been looking for.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I opted to fly home earlier,” he says as he walks toward me.
“How come?” I ask as I try my best to fight off the need to pull him into me for a hug.
“I may have been more eager to get home than others,” he says with a small smile, stopping right in front of me.
He was eager to see me? My body warms at the sentiment as an overwhelming need to be in his arms consumes me.
I can’t contain myself any longer as I wrap my arms around him, pulling him into me for a hug.
He’s stiff for a moment, then wraps his arms around me and hugs me as tightly as he can. Tension I didn’t realize I was holding loosens every second I’m in his arms.
“Miss me?” He huffs a laugh as his chin rests on top of my head.
I pull back, making him move his head as I say, “Blueberry did, yes.”
As if he knows I don’t want to say the words aloud, he doesn’t push it and says, “I missed you both.”
I can’t help the smile that spreads from cheek to cheek, nor the way the butterflies in my stomach take flight.
“Thank you for keeping us well fed while you were gone. I appreciate it,” I tell him as we pull apart.
“Of course,” he says dutifully. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m good today. No body aches or anything. But I did want to talk to you about something,” I reply, wanting to discuss the email I got from Lisa.
“What’s up?” he says, taking a seat at the island.
I follow suit, taking a seat beside him. “I got an email today from the director of ESA. She congratulated me on the pregnancy and made me aware that they offer year-long maternity leaves. It has me thinking that I would like to take the year-long leave, if that’s okay with you?”
I leave out the part about me competing again because I don’t feel ready to talk to him about that just yet. Because I’m scared he might think differently of me for being a coward and not coming forward to the public about it.
But any woman knows that making a claim of harassment and wrongful termination from a male isn’t a walk in the park.
I also just want to do this on my own, not needing his involvement in the matter.
“You could never go back to work again and I wouldn’t care, Teagan. Take however long you need.”
“I enjoy working, especially with gymnastics, but thank you,” I tell him, grateful that he’s on board with the decision.
“While we’re on the topic, can I run something by you?” he asks, his tone slightly nervous, and he wrings his hands together on the table.
“Go for it,” I encourage him, curious as to what has him like this.
“I was in an accident six months before the season started.” He pauses, likely because he can see the look of shock on my face, then says, “I’m okay.
It wasn’t serious. But my shoulder just hasn’t been the same since.
I was cleared to play and I’m doing great, but afterward, I find recovery is taking longer than it used to.
It’s probably a combination of the accident and the overuse of my shoulder as a pitcher over the years.
So I’ve been thinking of maybe retiring when this season ends. ”
Whoa.
I take a moment to process everything he’s told me, then say, “Thank you for sharing that with me. If that’s something you need to do for yourself, I support it fully. No judgment here.”
“I appreciate that. Can I ask you about your ret—”
He doesn’t get to finish his question because of a knock on the door, and thank goodness for that. Because I don’t want to have that conversation right now.
Quentin leaves to see who it is, and moments later, he walks into the kitchen with Ian.
My eyes nearly fall out of my head at the sight because what the hell is my brother doing here randomly? And why are he and Quentin smiling and talking like everything’s fine?
“Uhm, what is going on here?” I ask, sounding dumbfounded, because I am.
“I’ll let you two talk,” Quentin says and backs away from the kitchen, leaving just Ian and me.
“Hey, Teagan,” Ian is the first to speak, his tone quiet and unsure.
“Hi,” I respond, on edge because what the hell is going on right now?
“I’m sorry for coming over unannounced, but I needed to talk to you,” he says as he walks toward me, taking the seat that Quentin was just in.
“Ian, is everything okay?” I ask, rubbing a hand up and down my neck to alleviate the tension that’s growing there.
“Mom called me last night,” he says, making me pause my movement, my breath halted for a beat.
I haven’t heard from her in…God, was it over a year now? So hearing that she contacted my brother makes me anxious to know if I’m next. Where I used to perk up every time she would call, now I find myself not wanting to speak to her.
“What did she say?”
“She wanted to know my odds of making it to the World Series,” he tells me as he clears his throat with sadness in his eyes.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Ian,” I say, wishing I could’ve been there for him last night. I know exactly how it feels to be on the receiving end of those calls. Each one is another reminder that we’re only worthy when we’re at the highest points in our lives.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he says, his tone soft. “I just wish you had been here. I usually brush it off, but for some reason, something about what she said set me off like never before. So much so, I got drunk last night.”
My mouth pops in shock. “Wait, what?”
“I know. I never do during the season, but I just needed something. I was going to call you, but it was so fresh and I didn’t want to talk,” he replies, pausing for a beat, then says, “Despite how much it sucked, it made me realize one thing. I’m tired of holding on to the hope that she might start caring about us and act like a mother.
I’m done with being her shiny toy she likes to be proud of when it serves her. ”
His words hit me like a brick wall and the clarity they bring me instantly. He’s right, so goddamn right. Why are we basing our hopes and dreams on a woman who doesn’t think twice about us or our hopes and dreams?
“I’m proud of you, Ian. I imagine it was painful to come to that realization, but I think it’s for the best, for both of us going forward,” I admit.
“Thanks, Jen. You are your own person. Do what you want whenever she decides to touch base with you. Just know that you have my support. Always.”
“And you’ll always have mine.”
Ian clears his throat, and this time when he speaks, he sounds remorseful.
“I want to apologize for reacting how I did, about Quentin being the father. It was childish and stupid. I shouldn’t be stressing you out like that.”
“How you found out wasn’t ideal, I admit. I appreciate your apology, though, because it was ridiculous.”
“I know, and I’m sorry,” he says, sounding full of regret. “You know, he’s not as awful as I thought. Quentin found me at the lobby bar, drunk. I don’t know why, but I spilled my guts to him about Mom. It felt therapeutic, to talk to someone, and his advice was reassuring.”
A tear trickles down my cheek and I let out the biggest sigh of relief at that. “I’m so glad you two were able to talk. We’re all family now, and we need to act like it, for Blueberry. You have no idea how relieved I am. I was so worried you were going to pull away from me.”
“Jen, you’re my little sister. You’ll always have me.”
My nose sniffles as I say, “I’m so happy to hear that, Ian. You can change your path any day, any time. I’m glad you want to make choices that feel good for you. I’ll be here for you, no matter what.”
Ian stands up from his stool, wrapping his arms around me as we hug.
“Thanks, sis,” he says into my hair, his voice sounding watery as he sniffles. I clutch onto him, giving him a squeeze before pulling away.
“On the plane home this morning, I sat with Ryker and Quentin, and it was nice to talk to them. They’re good guys. Quentin even invited me to guys’ night tomorrow. I’m kind of nervous about it, but I want to be more social with the team.”
“You’ll be fine, just be yourself…well, less of a stubborn ass, but yourself,” I say with a chuckle.
“Got it.” He laughs with me.
My mind is reeling with so many revelations. The one that’s sticking out right now, though, is Quentin’s kindness.
Of course Quentin did that, because that’s the kind of person he is. Even though he couldn’t stand my brother prior to this, he has the biggest heart and invited Ian into his circle with no hesitation after their talk.
It makes these already conflicting feelings more complex than ever.