Chapter 40
Quentin
I look around The O, the same bar that Teagan and I met in. It brings a smile to my face, especially seeing how much things have changed since then.
I’m waiting at a high-top table for Ortiz, as I texted him about meeting up once we got back from our road trip. Since I’m considering retirement more and more, I wanted to talk to him since he’s gone through it and really make sure this is what I want to do.
“Laurent,” Ortiz says in greeting as he takes a seat across from me.
“Hey, man, it’s good to see you. Thanks for coming.” I smile as we slap our hands together over the table.
“No problem, it’s good to see you too,” he says, resting his forearms on the table. “Not to jump straight into it, but I gotta ask. What made you want to meet up?”
“Our conversation from last time has stuck with me, and since I’m going to be a father soon, I wanted to talk.”
“That’s amazing. Congrats, Quentin.” He smiles, his eyes crinkling with joy.
“Thanks, man. I’m excited, but I…” I trail off, unsure of where to even begin.
“Am scared about fucking everything up and being the worst parent?”
I let out a huff of a laugh. “I wasn’t until now.”
Ortiz laughs at that, and I join him. Once we settle, he jumps back into the conversation.
“You’ll be great. What’s going on, though?”
“My agent’s pushing for me to sign a new contract at the end of this season, but I don’t think I want to play anymore.
I can’t even believe I just said that because I don’t know what to do without baseball.
On top of it, my shoulder’s not one hundred percent anymore, and I want to go out on a high note. ”
Ortiz goes to reply when the waitress returns with our drinks. We thank her and then he says, “It sounds like you’re ready for what comes next, but you’re also worried about the unknown.”
“Yeah.” I nod as I take a sip of my beer. “It feels like this chapter of my life is coming to an end, but I feel like I should have a plan before I retire.”
“Should is an obligation. It’s not something you have to do. If you retire, Q, you can do whatever the hell you want to do. If you want to be a full-time dad, be a full-time dad. If you want to start a lemonade stand, do it. There’s no straight path after retirement. It’s different for everyone.”
I soak his words in, letting them settle into my mind. While I’m still slightly nervous to retire and call it quits, there’s a sense of comfort that wasn’t there before.
Ortiz’s reassurance that I can just be and figure it out as I go is something I needed to hear. As someone who always had a plan and was constantly working for it, I needed to be told that it’s okay to not know anything.
Along with knowing that he felt the same way I do, wanting to leave our careers on high notes rather than low. Add in my injury that I don’t want to get worse, and the fact that I want to be able to pick up my daughter without my shoulder aching, it seemed more clear to me than ever before.
I’m going to retire.
When I get home two hours later, I’m about to call Teagan’s name to tell her about my conversation when I see her passed out on the couch.
Quietly, I kick off my shoes and make my way over to her.
She’s got a throw blanket strewn over her legs, with her black T-shirt riding up, exposing her baby bump.
I crouch down beside her, not wanting to wake her because she looks so serene, but I also don’t want her sleeping on the couch all night.
It brings me back to the night I took care of her when she was sick, and it makes me smile at how far we’ve come since then.
This fiery, confident woman has become the forefront of my thoughts, and I don’t see her leaving anytime soon.
A dark lock of hair rests across her cheek, so I gently swipe it away as her eyes flutter open.
“Hi,” she croaks, groggy from sleep.
“Hi,” I say, then press a hand to her belly. “Hi, baby.”
“You know, I saw online today that they can hear our voices. I wonder if she’s listening right now,” she says, her hand resting on top of mine that’s on her belly.
“Well, if that’s the case…” I clear my throat, then usher in a low voice. “Hi, baby. It’s your dad, and I can’t wait to meet you. And I promise you that no one will ever hurt you as long as I’m here, got it?”
Teagan giggles, and I feel the vibration of it through my hand. “Typical overprotective dad is already kicking in, huh?”
“Pfft, you should know that,” I tell her, then switch back to my low voice. “I wonder who you’re going to be. A baseball player like me, or maybe a gymnast like your mom. Whatever you decide, we’re going to love and support you.”
A love so strong for this baby overwhelms me, so much that I need to say the words out loud.
“God, I love you so much already, you know that?”
A sniffle draws my attention to Teagan, who’s wiping under her eye with her free hand. “She’s lucky to have you, and…so am I. You’ve been so good to me,” she admits, nearly knocking me on my ass.
“You deserve to be treated this way, Teagan. I’m sorry someone made you feel like you shouldn’t be, because you’re worthy of being cared for so deeply,” I tell her, my eyes intent on her as I speak.
Teagan’s brows pinch together softly, her head tilting as her eyes water. “I’m glad that out of everyone in the world, I accidentally got pregnant with you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she says as her lips fold together, then erupt into a smile. “Who else would make desserts the way you do?”
A laugh leaves my chest. “Ah, so you’re just after my pastries, huh?”
“Yup. Once I figure out how to make them, I’ll be out of here.”
“I guess it’s a good thing you can’t bake for shit.”
Her eyes sparkle as her fingers toy with mine on her belly. “Yeah, I guess it’s a good thing.”
Our eyes linger, my heart beating rapidly in my chest because to me, her eyes tell me she feels whatever this is between us.
In this moment, it feels like our eyes are speaking what we haven’t dared to say out loud. All of the yearning, the desire, and care that we have for each other.
Her hand that’s atop of mine on her belly moves from merely resting to holding my hand in hers. I flex my fingers, giving her hand a gentle squeeze in mine, our eyes still gazing at one another.
I lean forward, pressing my lips to her belly, then place a kiss on her hand that’s wrapped in mine. “Tu es si belle. Ma vie est belle grace à toi.”
She smiles, her cheeks pinkening.
“I didn’t understand that, but I’d love to learn one day,” she says, surprising me.
I move from kneeling on the floor to sitting beside her, our hands staying interlocked.
“You want to learn French?”
She shrugs, her voice soft as she says, “Yeah, I want to encourage the language for our daughter. It’s a part of who you are, and I think it’s important for her to learn, as well as myself.”
A wide smile spreads from cheek to cheek on my face. “That’s amazing, Teagan, really. I’ll help you learn if you’d like.”
“I’d like that, but can you tell me what you said?”
Using my free hand, I grasp her chin gently, my finger rubbing along her jaw.
“I said, you are so beautiful, and that my life has become more beautiful since you came into it.”
“Quentin,” she breathes, her tone a mix of want and hesitancy.
I press my forehead against hers, our lips mere inches apart. “Yes, mon amour?”
“I want—”
The sound of my phone ringing in my pocket interrupts the rest of her sentence. Teagan pulls away from me and I grab my phone from my pocket to see my agent’s name on my screen.
Motherfucker.
I’ve never wanted to strangle him until now. Ignoring him, I set my phone on the coffee table.
“I’m going to head to bed,” Teagan announces as she gets up off the couch, acting as if nothing happened.
Not wanting to make things awkward, I do the same, despite it making my chest ache.
“Yeah, I’m going to turn in for the night too.”
We walk silently up the stairs, and when we make it to the doorsteps of our separate rooms, we both pause.
I look over my shoulder, seeing her eyes on me as she remains still in front of her door.
I’m about to enter my room, seeing as neither of us has anything to say, when she speaks up.
“You make my life better too, you know.”
I hang my head, taking a deep breath before I answer. “Why does it feel like there’s a but coming?”
“But we know we can’t be more than this.”
It’s what I already knew to be true, but I was willing to take the risk. Clearly, she’s not, and I don’t want to ruin all the progress we’ve made because I like how close we are, and I know how important that will be when the baby’s here versus us going back to being strangers.
So I swallow what I really want to say and settle for, “See you in the morning.”
She smiles. “Night.”
“Night,” I say, watching her disappear into her room and shut the door.
Once I’m alone in my room, I drop to my bed, my elbows resting on my knees as I let my head fall into my hands.
I need to get my head straight. Blueberry is our main priority, not whatever feelings I have for her.
It’s what I keep telling myself over and over as I try to sleep, willing and hoping that it takes root in my mind.
The problem with thinking and feelings are that you can think whatever you want, but feelings never lie.
I can only hope they go away in time.
Teagan
I flop back onto my bed, covering my face with my hands as I let out a frustrated sigh.
Frustrated because I so badly wanted to give in to whatever’s happening between Quentin and me. But then he got that phone call, snapping us out of our trance, and I thought maybe it was a sign to stop while we’re ahead or something.
“But we know we can’t be more than this.”
The words I said to him play on repeat in my brain along with the way his hazel eyes dimmed as I said them.
I had to say it, though. We keep toeing the line of our boundaries, and I think we needed that reminder. That no matter what we feel, we need to think of Blueberry. Because if we gave in and it didn’t work, I would hate for things to take a turn for the worst between us.
They’re the same things I’ve been telling myself since the start.
What’s different now, though, is how much I wish I didn’t care about the repercussions. Because if I didn’t, who knows where things could potentially go between us.
It’s a scary, yet thrilling thought. One I need to keep tucked away in the back of mind, or else it could destroy everything.