Chapter 14 Janie
FOURTEEN
Janie
I wake up in someone’s arms, and for exactly three seconds, it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
Perfectly warm, the thrum of a heartbeat under my ear, his hand splayed on my back.
The faint scent of smoke from the fire hangs in the air, and everything about this moment feels safe and right and—
Reality crashes over me like an icy wave. Last night’s confession is now this morning’s vulnerability hangover. I let him see part of me I never show anyone, along with some ugly tears.
I can tell by his breathing that he’s awake too, but neither of us moves. We’re both pretending, caught in this limbo between what happened and what we’re supposed to pretend didn’t happen.
Nothing happened physically, but in every other way it did. Emotionally, I bared myself until there was nothing but brutally naked honesty between us.
His thumb brushes almost unconsciously across my shoulder blade, sending a shiver through my body.
I should definitely move. But for just another moment, I let myself stay here, feeling safer than I have in a long time.
“Morning,” he murmurs in a rough voice.
I tilt my head up to find his gaze sweeping over me, and something passes between us—awareness, longing, the memory of how right this felt. His eyes drop to my lips for just a beat before we both seem to remember where we are.
I sit up quickly. “I should…” I gesture vaguely toward the bathroom, not trusting myself to form complete sentences when he’s looking at me like that.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Take your time.”
I splash cold water on my face and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is a mess, my eyes are still puffy, and I’m wearing his sweatshirt.
What was I thinking? Oh, right, I wasn’t. I was feeling, which is exactly the kind of mistake that gets me into trouble. And I can’t afford to make mistakes with men who might not stick around.
By the time I come out of the bathroom, fully dressed with my walls up, he’s already making the bed like nothing happened.
“Good morning,” I say, trying to sound friendly, but not too friendly. I don’t want him to think that one night means something it can’t.
He turns around, and for a second, I see something soft in his gaze.
“Thank you for last night,” I say, staying across the room. I hate that I’m the one creating this distance, but I have Aria to think about. “It was…nice.”
Nice? I cringe inside. That’s the best I could come up with?
He flinches, then schools his features. “No problem. All part of the Christmas adventure, right?”
“Right,” I echo, forcing a smile. “Well, we should probably get going.”
“Yeah,” he says in a flat voice. “Probably should.”
I don’t want to leave things this way. But I have to. I can’t fall for a man who’s only here temporarily, who’ll leave once the pageant is over.
“Wait.” I shake my head, starting over again. “What you did last night—calming me down after the nightmare and then staying with me—was exactly what I needed. And I’m grateful.” I pause. “But you didn’t have to…”
“I wanted to.” He cuts me off, then looks me in the eye. “Not because I felt obligated. Because I wanted to be there for you.” He hesitates, studying me. “Are you okay this morning?”
“Yeah,” I say with a quick nod.
Even though that’s not entirely true.
Because my heart’s in free fall. And Rourke Riley is the reason why.
When we start home, I put on my Christmas playlist again, desperate for something to fill the silence so we don’t have to talk about last night or the kiss under the mistletoe.
While Bing Crosby croons about a white Christmas, Rourke keeps his eyes on the road ahead, which is passable now that the snow has stopped.
I stare out the window at the snow sparkling like white diamonds.
Why did I choose two truths and a lie to dump all my relationship baggage on him? Men like him don’t find that attractive. Anything we felt was because we were trapped together, not because either of us thinks this could actually work.
A single mother dating a hockey player? Yeah, no. Nobody thinks that’s a good idea.
But then I look over and catch him grinning as “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” comes on. This was the song playing at the coffee shop when we were under the mistletoe, and now it will forever be branded into my mind as the kissing song.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing.” The smirk doesn’t fade. “Just…this song reminds me of something.”
Of course he’s thinking about it too.
“You know,” he muses. “This song isn’t as terrible as I remembered.”
I want to read into that and believe that maybe the kiss meant something. Or the way he held me last night wasn’t just him being a decent human being. But I know better. One song he tolerates doesn’t mean he’s suddenly embraced Christmas. It just means he has good memories attached to it now.
“It’s still a Christmas song,” I point out.
“Oh, trust me, I know.” His grin widens. “But certain associations make it more tolerable.”
I glance away, my cheeks turning pink. He’s still the grinch. Just a grinch who happens to kiss really, really well.
We make it halfway through the playlist when his phone rings. Instead of letting me hear the conversation through the car speakers, he picks up his phone to answer.
“Hello?” He pauses. “Yeah, I live at The Foundry, why?” There’s a stretch of silence. “Are you serious? At least four to six weeks now?”
I give him a sideways glance as his jaw clenches. “No, I get it.” His tone turns hollow. “Thanks for letting me know.”
He pulls over at a gas station to fill up and makes another call. “Do you have any rooms available tonight?” He sighs. “What about later this week?”
I should just ignore him. Mind my own business and let him figure out his own housing situation. He’s not my problem.
“Nothing for the next two weeks?” He exhales. “I understand. Holiday season, I know. Thanks anyway.”
He makes another call while waiting on the gas pump.
“Hey, Jaxon. I’m on my way back now. Do you have room for me to stay over this week?
” He pauses. “Dude, I know your apartment’s a studio, but they said it’s going to be another month before I can move back into my condo.
Jaz and Brax have enough on their plates.
” Another pause. “No, no, it’s okay. I didn’t realize your brother was coming to visit.
” He rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’ll figure something out. ”
When he hangs up, he just stands there for a moment, staring at his phone like he wants to chuck it across the parking lot.
I knock on the car window to get his attention. He looks over, blinking as if he forgot I was still there, then opens the door.
“Do you need a place to stay?” I ask.
“Well, I told Jaz and Brax I’d be back in my condo after the festival. They don’t need me crashing on their couch another night. Apparently I missed my shot at getting a hotel room again.”
“If you don’t have any other options, I have a guest room,” I blurt out, even though this feels like I’m overstepping the boundaries of our working relationship. “It’s where my parents stay when they visit. Just if you need somewhere to stay until you find something.”
He stares at me for a moment, puzzled by my offer. Does he think I’m expecting something after last night? Because I’m not. I’m just trying to return the favor.
“If I stay,” he says slowly. “I need to pay you something. What’s reasonable?”
“You don’t have to pay me anything.”
“Janie, I’m not staying in your house for free. That’s non-negotiable.” His tone is firm. “What’s your mortgage payment?”
I frown. “You’re not paying my mortgage.”
“How much?”
“Rourke, it’s not your responsibility.”
“Ballpark.”
I sigh. “Around fifteen hundred. But…”
“Done. Plus groceries and utilities. That’s another five hundred.” He pulls out his phone like it’s already decided.
“That’s two thousand dollars!”
“Janie, if I stayed in a hotel for a month, do you know how much that would cost?” He gives me a look that says I won’t win this argument. “Let me do this.”
I bite my lip. The extra money would help so much. Nick hasn’t been paying child support, and between Aria’s daycare and everything else, I’m drowning in debt.
“Fine,” I say. “But really, you’re helping me out.”
“How?”
I pause, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Well, the neighborhood watch sent out an email saying a few people have noticed someone walking around at night. Probably just teenagers cutting through yards, but with Aria and me alone in the house…” I shrug, trying to pretend it’s no big deal.
“It would be nice to have someone around. Just in case.”
His brow furrows. “What do you mean, someone walking around?”
“Nothing major,” I say, downplaying it. “Just footprints in a few flower beds, someone peeking in windows. The police said it’s probably kids being nosy, nothing to worry about unless something actually happens.” I roll my eyes. “Very reassuring.”
“That settles it,” he says firmly. “I’m definitely staying. At least until you feel safe again.”
By the time we reach my house, I’m already unbuckling my seat belt before he’s even put the car in park.
He laughs. “Someone’s eager to get home.”
“I haven’t been away from Aria this long since she was born.” I’m already halfway out of the car. “I know Scarlett sent pictures, but it’s not the same.”
Inside, Scarlett is on the couch with Aria, who smiles the second she sees me.
“There’s my girl!” I scoop her up, covering her face in kisses and breathing in her baby scent. “Did you miss Mommy? I missed you so much, baby girl.”
Scarlett stands, but instead of gathering her things, she’s focused on Rourke, who’s just stepped inside. Her eyebrows rise slightly.
“Well,” she says. “How was the trip?”
“It was…fine,” I say vaguely, turning my attention back to Aria.
Her gaze swings back to me, full of curiosity. “Oh really? Just fine?”
“Some parts were actually good,” Rourke tells her.
I shoot him a look that says don’t encourage her.
He ignores it. “I really liked that coffee shop,” he adds with a playful smirk that makes my whole body heat.
The coffee shop—where we kissed under the mistletoe in front of half the festival.
“A coffee shop?” Scarlett’s eyes widen. “That sounds…”
“It was nothing special,” I interrupt.
“Well, I can’t wait to hear all about it.” She gathers her purse and coat and then whispers, “Text me later tonight.”
“Goodbye, Scarlett,” I say, practically ushering her toward the door.
She stops just in front of Rourke, patting his arm. “Nice seeing you again. Thanks for taking care of our girl.”
“Anytime.”
The second the door closes, I sink onto the couch. “Sorry about that.” I adjust Aria in my arms. “Scarlett has zero filter when she gets curious.”
“Don’t apologize.” He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’d be asking questions too if my best friend came home with a hockey player.”
Rourke glances at Aria and I can’t tell what he thinks about her—or spending the next few weeks with a baby in the house.
The last time he was around my kindergartners, it was a disaster. And the only baby I’ve seen him with is Rosie, which went surprisingly well, but still. This is different. She’s my baby.
“You want to meet Aria?” I ask.
“If that’s alright with you,” he says, approaching her slowly.
I settle Aria on the play mat expecting her to reach for me. She hasn’t been around a lot of men since Nick hasn’t been part of our lives. To my surprise, she just watches him as he sits on the floor next to her.
“Hey there, little one,” he says softly as she crawls over to him and pulls herself up using his knee. “I’m Rourke.”
Aria stares up at him with wide eyes, clearly fascinated by this new giant person in her space. She babbles something that sounds like “ba-ba-ba” before reaching for his face.
“Yeah?” he responds seriously, like they’re having an actual conversation. “That’s very interesting.”
She lets out a giggle and tumbles into his lap.
“She likes you,” I say, watching their interaction.
“Well, she’s got good taste.” Rourke gently places her on the floor.
Aria seems to think this is the best game ever and immediately tries to climb him again, this time grabbing on to his shirt with her tiny fists.
“She isn’t usually this friendly with strangers,” I say.
“It’s my magnetic personality.” He glances at me with a smile that makes my stomach flutter. Then he turns to her, like they’re the only people in the room. “I’ll be staying here for a while, Aria. Is that okay with you?”
She stares at him for a moment, then lifts her arms up—the universal baby sign for pick me up.
She doesn’t do that for just anyone, usually only for me. And occasionally Scarlett or Gabriella after they’ve spent hours with her. But not someone she just met a few minutes ago.
“I think she’s made up her mind about you,” I laugh.
He picks her up, then stands, settling her on his hip like he’s done it a thousand times before.
“Well, babies either love you or hate you when you meet them. There’s no in between.
” He makes a silly face at her, and when she giggles, his whole face lights up.
“And they love people who can be complete goofballs, so I’ve got that in my favor. ”
Watching him with her, the way he gives her his complete attention, is making me wish this could be real.
This is what I wanted for her—a man who doesn’t just tolerate my daughter, but wants to be part of her world.
What Rourke doesn’t know is that he just passed the most important test there is.