Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CAM
Ijolt at the crack of thunder, my living room windows practically rattling with the force of it. Rain lashes against the glass and panic wraps its icy talons around my spine, squeezing tightly and refusing to let go.
“Dad!” Riley yells from the kitchen, just as the thunder rumbles again and the sound of Ethan slapping pucks into his hockey net filters up from the basement. I grit my teeth, my brain struggling to process all the noise through the unyielding grip of my anxiety.
Noise means they’re here, I remind myself.
They’re fine.
They’re safe.
It’s just a storm.
If only I could get my brain to believe it.
My fingers itch to grab my phone and text Maddy, to make sure she’s somewhere safe too.
It’s the Renegades’ bye week, and I was looking forward to a rare lazy Sunday with my kids.
But an uncharacteristically warm mid-December day and a cold front approaching from the north meant the weather had other plans, and now I wish I had asked Maddy to come over and be lazy with us.
Because it feels like this is where she belongs, but also because the thought of not knowing where she is while the storm rages outside makes me want to jump out of my skin.
I shove my hand into my pocket to grab my phone but immediately pull it back out. I’m a grown fucking man and I should be able to handle this shit. Maddy has already seen me in the middle of one thunderstorm-induced panic attack. A second one feels like a step too far.
“What is it, Ry?” I ask, trying to keep the anxiety out of my voice.
She pokes her head into the living room. “Waffles, remember? You promised us Sunday waffles. I plugged in the waffle iron to heat up, but you have to do the batter. You do it best.”
“Ouch, Ry,” my mom says with a grin, coming up to stand behind Riley.
I told her she didn’t need to come over today since it’s a Sunday during the season when I’m actually home for a change, but my mom does what she wants, and now I’m glad for it because it means I know she’s safe too.
“I thought I made the best Sunday waffles.”
Riley shrugs, tilting her head back to look at my mom. “Sorry, Lola. You make the best Sunday waffles when dad isn’t here, which is most of the time. When he’s here, his are the very obvious winner.”
My mom laughs and Riley grins, and the next boom of thunder is so loud it feels like the entire house shakes.
I clench my trembling fists, digging my fingernails into my palms. “I’ll make them in a minute.
I have to grab something upstairs.” I manage to keep my voice steady even when it wants to shake, but it takes a heroic effort, and I know if I don’t get a few minutes alone, my kids and my mom are going to have a front row seat to a full-blown panic attack.
That is not at all what I want for our Sunday morning.
“Literally a minute,” Riley says. “We’re starving.”
“Promise.” I turn on my heel and head towards the stairs.
I’m just crossing the entryway when a knock on the front door stops me in my tracks.
Cold sweat drips down my spine as lightning flashes, and I hope whoever the hell it is doesn’t need anything from me because whatever it is, I can’t right now.
My heart slams against my ribs, my breaths shallow and labored as I wrap my shaking hand around the handle and yank open the door.
And then I’m not breathing at all.
Because standing on my front porch, red hair hanging in wet ropes over her shoulders and green eyes watching me with concern, is Maddy.
The relief that crashes through me is so sudden and so intense that my knees go weak, and I have to lean against the front door for balance so I don’t crumple straight to the floor.
She’s here.
“Cameron,” she says quietly, and then I don’t have to lean against the doorframe anymore, because I’m leaning on her.
Maddy peels off her raincoat and wraps her arms around my waist in a tight hug, one hand rubbing up and down my back in a soothing rhythm as I bury my face in her hair.
I exhale one shuddering breath as I pull her closer, erasing every single millimeter of distance between us.
“You’re here,” I whisper, not trusting my voice yet. “How did you know?” It’s all I can manage, but in that unique way of hers, she knows exactly what I mean.
“I know you,” is all she says, but it’s enough. Some of my panic ebbs, my heartrate slowing as I hold onto her. I didn’t realize how badly I needed this. How deeply I needed to be known.
“Fuck,” I mutter, tightening my arms around her. “I’m really fucking glad you’re here. I’ve wanted to text you a million times since this storm started.”
Maddy leans up and kisses my jaw. “Why didn’t you?”
I shake my head, my arms still around her, my brain refusing to let me let her go. I want to hold onto her for the rest of my life.
She’s here.
She’s safe.
“I didn’t want you to see me this way again,” I mumble. “When I’m…” I stop, not sure what exactly I mean to say.
Maddy pulls back and frames my face with her hands. “When you’re scared? Anxious?” She smiles, sweeping her thumbs over my cheeks. “You don’t have to hide from me, Cameron. Not anything. I like all the parts of you.”
I close my eyes, dragging in a deep breath. “Even the parts of me that turn a simple storm into a total fucking catastrophe?”
She laughs and pushes up on her toes, laying her lips on mine. “Especially those. When the storm started, I was already in my car.” She shrugs. “It just kind of drove itself over here.”
I lean down, pressing my forehead to hers, my hands gripping her hips as gratitude and relief and love for her all tangle together inside of me, eliminating my filter as words spill out of my mouth.
“Thank fuck. And not just because of the storm. Because any day I don’t get to see you is a travesty, and now you’re here in my house and I get to see you and touch you, and every day I get to do those things is my favorite day. You’re my favorite person.”
“Favorite person, huh?” she says with a grin. “I think there are two other people living in this house who might have a thing or two to say about that.”
“Favorite adult,” I amend. “You are my favorite adult.”
“Sounds perfect.” Maddy tips her head back to study me. “How are you really?”
I exhale slowly, not wanting to give her anything but the unvarnished truth.
“It’s been…rough this morning. Since the storm started.
As long as I know where my kids and my mom are I’m usually fine, but today was different because…
” I hesitate, my eyes locking with hers, begging her to understand what I’m saying because I don’t know if saying the words is too much yet or not.
Her lips tip up in a smile. “Because you didn’t know where I was.”
I nod. “I was having a fucking panic attack in my own damn living room instead of making the waffles I promised my kids because my girlfriend was out somewhere in a storm and I didn’t know where.”
“Girlfriend?” she asks with a grin.
I shrug, trying to be casual even though hearing that word from her mouth has a shot of warmth hitting me straight in the chest. It’s like the very first sunshine after a long, snowy winter when you feel like you’ve been cold forever.
“I mean, yeah? I know we can’t really tell anyone about us yet, but you came here in the middle of the storm because you knew I needed you and you’re standing in the middle of my entryway with wet hair looking like everything I ever wanted even though my kids are in the house and even though there are probably a million things you need to do today that don’t involve rescuing me from myself.
That feels pretty girlfriend-like to me. ”
Maddy brushes the hair off my forehead before settling her hand back on my cheek, and the gesture makes me want to purr like a goddamn cat.
I am all the way gone for her. “The only thing I was going to do today is lie on my couch in pajamas, eat too many M&M’s, and finish the smutty romance novel I’ve been reading this week. This is way better than that.”
I turn my head, pressing a kiss to her palm and wondering how it’s possible to feel this much for another human.
I mean, I know it’s possible because I’ve felt it before, a long, long time ago.
But to get to have it again feels like its own little miracle.
“This is definitely better than that. Although…smutty romance novel?” I give her a salacious wink, squeezing her hips. “Tell me more.”
Her laugh is cut off by the sound of footsteps in the hallway.
“Cam, do you want me to make the waff—” My mom’s voice trails off, and Maddy and I ease apart, but I know it’s too late.
I consider what my mom just saw. Maddy’s hands on my face.
My hands on her hips. Heads tipped close together.
No way could any of that be considered friendly.
My eyes meet Maddy’s, full of questions.
She gives me a shrug and a little nod as if to say, We’re in it now.
And we sure are, because when I turn to my mom, her face is split with a massive grin, and I can’t help but laugh. “What do we have here?” she asks, looking between Maddy and me, the glee evident in her tone.
Chuckling, I glance between the two women. “Mom, this is Maddy. Maddy, the woman currently looking at you with something bordering on mania is my mom, Lisa.”
“It’s really nice to meet you,” Maddy says, holding out a hand to my mom, who ignores it, wrapping Maddy in a tight hug instead.
“Honey, my son was just looking at you like you are the last woman on earth, so I’m pretty sure the pleasure is all mine.”
Maddy laughs. “He does have a tendency to look at me that way.”
My mom’s face softens, and I know what she’s thinking without her having to say a word. It’s been a long time since I’ve looked at anyone this way. And it has. Because this is what I’ve been waiting for.
She is what I’ve been waiting for.