Chapter 58
58
DONNIE
Watching Toby cook in my kitchen unlocked something inside of me. I want to see this every single morning. What would it be like to go for my run and come back to a full breakfast cooked by my pup while I rouse my sleepy kitten before the sun comes up every day? That would be paradise…
The kitten in question interrupts our conversation, and we sit down to eat after a tense couple of minutes when my roommate questions his best friend’s cooking. I don’t see any issue, but based on the conversation they are having, it appears that Toby has been hiding the fact that he’s been taking culinary classes for years.
This seems to be something that they need to get through. Lies have a way of tearing people apart, even when they are well-intentioned.
“…I came here instead of the conversion camp my mother wanted me to go to…”
Hash browns are not supposed to go down the wind pipe, but holy fuck! Did he seriously just casually mention that his mother tried to send him to a conversion camp?!
Toby gets up and pats me on the back while I feel like I’m hacking up my left lung. Judging by the nonchalant way he spoke about it, I could almost believe that it doesn’t bother him that the woman who gave birth to him wanted to send him to hell on earth. But his eyes are eerily empty for him. I’ll let him hold onto his pain for now.
As I finally stop coughing enough to choke down some coffee, he sits back on the floor in front of his plate. “I kept it secret because I didn’t want to risk seeing you guys disappointed if I fucked up and failed. By the time I realized making food wasn’t only a hyper-fixation for my ADHD, I didn’t know how to tell you guys. With Scott always handling the food and then the stuff with Lucky showing up, it got harder and harder to find a way to say something.”
Shiloh slides off the couch to join Toby on the floor and pulls him into his side. I can see the pain they are trying to hide from each other. It’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that these two love each other deeply and are willing to do just about anything to make sure that they aren’t a burden to the other. They need someone to step in and show them that it’s alright to feel what they feel and rely on each other.
“We’re going to come back to this later, Pup,” I say as I clear the last of the food from my throat. “I want the story on this conversion camp thing at some point, but first I think we need to cover what happened this morning.”
Toby starts shaking his head animatedly. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that the pup has been keeping the severity of the nightmares a secret from his best friend.
“What happened this morning?”
“I got locked out without a coat,” Toby rushes to say and shoots me a glare. He doesn’t want Shiloh to know about the night terror.
“You had a night terror, Shiloh,” I say over Toby’s rambling explanation about going out shopping, effectively cutting him off. “It was kind of intense. To be honest, if it wasn’t for the fact that the buildings around here are all commercial buildings and closed at this hour, we probably would have had the cops called from your screaming."
Shiloh looks ashen. His head whips to Toby who is suddenly extremely interested in the crumbs left on his plate.
“How long have I been having the night terrors, Tobe?”
Toby shrugs and picks up his juice.
“How long?” Shiloh demands, making us both flinch. I haven’t heard this tone from him in the time we’ve been cohabiting.
“You were getting better,” Toby gets onto his knees facing his best friend. “You were so excited the first night you didn’t wake up from a nightmare that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. You thought you stopped having them, but I just learned to calm you so you wouldn’t wake up.
“I hated seeing you hurting after having them. I wanted you to be able to forget whatever hell that asshole put you through. Even though I knew you still went there in your sleep, I hoped I could let you have peace while you’re awake.”
The look of betrayal on Shiloh’s face breaks my heart.
“I thought I was better!” he yells. “I became dependent on you because I thought you kept the damn memories away! You fucking used me!”
I can’t stand to see these two men at odds with one another, so I open my mouth and bring both of their attention to me.
“What asshole?”