Chapter Eleven
Iris
Remus is quiet as he leads me along the halls of his home.
I expected him to take me somewhere outside since he knows how much I love it there.
But he doesn’t. He leads me to a part of the house that I have put out of my mind since we originally toured.
I was told these areas needed to be outfitted for me to safely roam them.
So, as I follow him down the long hallway, I wonder what else could be worth him showing me.
I take the time to study him from behind as we move up the corridor, curious about his whereabouts while I was asleep.
He looks like himself, and if it weren’t for his brief moment of teasing, I would say he’s different.
Something happened between the time of us having sex and me waking up.
And just like me with my strange dreams, he wants to keep it from me.
A weighty feeling settles in my chest from the thought.
It bothers me to think Remus is hiding something from me.
If what he claims about us being equals is true, then he should have no issues revealing the truth.
But for me to expect that, I would have to do the same, so I don’t bother pushing the issue.
“Here we are,” Remus says, pulling me from my thoughts.
I quietly move to stand next to him as I study the glass door with an iris flower embellished on it. There are intricate details surrounding the flower, stretching to the edge of the door, and when I look at Remus in confusion, he’s watching my reaction intensely.
He gestures to the door, stepping back as he gently coaxes me closer.
“Go ahead. Give it a try,” he says gently.
I look around for the door handle but don’t see one.
Remus laughs, moving his hand under mine, slowly lifting it to the door.
As I get closer, Remus removes the contact, allowing my hand to come flush with the glass.
I gasp as the door slowly dissolves under my touch, the center opening to reveal what Remus wanted to show me.
He lets me enter the room first, my eyes wide in awe as I take in the elaborately designed room.
It looks just like the courtyard in his home on the beach on Earth, but larger as it overlooks the cliffside to reveal the wintery landscape beyond.
Each wall is made of glass, and as I approach one of them, placing my fingers against it, I am speechless.
The view is breathtaking.
I shift my attention to the left when I notice the familiar plant that sits in the center of the room. It’s already been planted and is barely blooming.
“You brought Margot?” I murmur, lowering myself to inspect the plant.
My eyes burn as unshed tears form. The plant is much larger than it was on Earth, the thick stalk hardening as it slowly grows into the tree Remus fused her with for me.
I gently touch the leaves that are forming.
The powdered color leaf has a beautiful silver sediment in its veins, further adding to the alien element of the plant.
I thought the plant was lost forever, remaining behind on a planet Remus was glad to be rid of. But he not only brought it along but obviously cared for it in my absence.
As I stand, I notice the glass shelf behind the plant. I quietly approach, a soft gasp escaping me as I take in every important thing I’ve ever owned on Earth. Most consist of gifts Remus gave me.
My mother’s locket, the flower Remus created out of thin air, and the pendant he gave me the night I escaped with the rebels. It’s all here with a display of Earth hovering above to tie it all together.
I slowly turn to Remus as confusion settles over me from this act of kindness.
Anytime I mentioned my home, Remus would become angry at my lack of accepting his home.
Just the other day, he was in a bad mood on the trip to the capital because I wasn’t letting Earth go.
But now, he has made an elaborate effort to quell my homesickness.
“Why did you do all of this?” I ask.
I note that Remus is studying me with that same expression, taking in my reactions to his gesture. And suddenly, Noah’s warning doesn’t seem so outlandish.
“I realized recently how blind I was to expect you to accept this as your home so quickly. I didn’t understand how much pain you felt.
How just seeing something new that brings you excitement also brings you self-hatred.
I know you don’t want to accept this as your home.
But I hope this can help you in times you miss your home world,” he says gently.
I try my best to remain unfazed by his words. Though they are kind and thoughtful, the sudden shift in his attitude is obvious for him to understand the emotions I’ve been feeling. He used the bond.
I don’t feel anger at his use of it, however.
I feel unease settling in the pit of my stomach.
Noah was right about Remus not processing emotion, as I think of his personality prior to this moment—prior to us being intimate.
He wasn’t feeling… he was reacting. It should be a good thing that Remus can learn from being in the presence of my emotions mentally.
But there is still so much to Remus that eludes me, especially what Noah has seen to make him fear Remus so much.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
Remus smiles, pleased with my reaction as he closes the distance between us.
He pulls me into him, his hands warm as he holds me.
My body instantly relaxes in his embrace, and I feel like I could sit here for hours and be content.
Everything that I am angry about flitters from my mind as none of it is suddenly as important as being in Remus’s embrace.
I never thought I would be back in the Leviathan society so soon. But I have to keep reminding myself that I am no longer on Earth, and that the circumstances between Remus and me have changed.
Remus is the Leviathan’s Aureon. Which is a much higher title than president or even dictator since it categorizes him as otherworldly even to his own kind.
Or rather, the kind he rules over. With this title comes much more responsibility than he had on Earth.
On Earth, it turns out, he was wrapping up what his generals were taking too long to finish.
And that was because Iriel, and others who decided to join in his cause to go against their ruler, were plotting to take Earth for themselves and ridding the Leviathan empire of its Divine Three.
They had no idea how outmatched they were.
That is why Remus’s stay on Earth was so temporary, his duties precise.
They span now that he has come home, which is why we are both heading into the capital today.
I am once again in awe as the Leviathan capital comes into view in the distance.
It’s a beautiful city that rivals any I saw on Earth.
“So…what does your day consist of as Aureon?” I ask, breaking the silence. Remus scoffs, pulling my attention. His brow is quirked as he watches me.
“Where did you learn that phrase?” he asks.
Shit.
It slipped my mind that I recently learned that phrase from someone who is not Remus.
“I heard it at the celebration,” I say, hoping he doesn’t see through my lie.
“Hm,” Remus murmurs.
I almost expect him to refuse to tell me anything since I still have yet to accept this place as my home. But the relationship Remus and I have is shifting. And it has something to do with the night of the party.
“It’s not much different than what I did on Earth. I make decisions that need to be made for the betterment of society,” he says. The answer sounds so matter-of-fact, as if Remus has never truly thought about it himself.
“Has that always been your path? Aureon? Could you not have done anything else?” I probe.
Remus chuckles as if it’s the silliest thing he’s ever heard.
“My path?” he repeats. “There is no other path for me, Iris. I am a Celestivine whose very existence challenges everything this planet and other planets know. I’m not meant for anything else,” he says.
“Even as a kid? You never…I don’t know, dreamed of anything else?” I ask.
Remus shrugs.
“My childhood has long since passed. I don’t recall what it was like let alone what I wanted,” he says absentmindedly.
Now it’s my turn to watch him as pity washes over me for him. My childhood is what keeps the memories of my family and my life before alive. I think back to it more than once for simple things like favorite foods and remembering why I feel that way about it in the first place.
“You don’t long for that? For memories of your childhood?” I ask.
Remus doesn’t seem phased in the least at my line of questioning. If anything, it’s almost as if he is amused by it.
“You’re looking at me with more pity than I’ve ever seen in your eyes,” he says.
“I am not missing anything, Iris. I do not long for goals or dreams. My life has always been straightforward from the start. There is nothing else for me and no need to desire anything outside of this,” he says.
Usually, his explanations open my eyes to more than I thought possible. But this explanation only opens my eyes to Remus. And what I see is both sad and frightening.
“And your mother? Do you remember her being a part of your childhood?” I ask, curious if the woman who remains shrouded in mystery had anything to do with the way her son is now.
“Why is it that you are suddenly so curious about my past?” Remus counters.
“Just trying to understand you. How you became who you are,” I say.
Remus laughs. “And you think filling in the blanks of my childhood will do that? Will help you understand me more?” he asks.
I shrug.
“My childhood shaped a lot of who I am. The bravery, the stubbornness, I got it all from when I was a kid. Even my desperation to survive. It was the last thing my father said to me,” I say. I feel a tinge of sadness as I think of my father for the first time in years—of that day.
I look at Remus when I realize he doesn’t respond, but he isn’t looking at me. His attention is straight ahead, his brow slightly furrowed as he thinks. He’s distracted again, and it has something to do with what I just asked. I turn my attention back to the window as the city comes into view.
As much as I hate it, I feel pity for him.
I don’t want to, but hearing him speak about a time that is so important in any living being’s life as if it never mattered, or even worse, never existed makes him unrelatable.
My curiosity has morphed from what it was on Earth; simply understanding what he is, and the culture he ruled over.
Now, it has evolved into something deeper. I want to know more about him.
“You know, not everyone has to grow in the same way humans did. Look at where it got them,” he says.
His words are a splash of cold water, dousing my mood.
I let myself fall into the patience and kindness he exuded, forgetting that in reality, he is a heartless being who has difficulty understanding the simplest of emotions.
And why wouldn’t he? He’s never felt the crushing weight of being weaker.
He’s only known himself as this powerful Celestivine that he is.
We spend the rest of the trip in tense silence. For me, at least. I’m sure Remus hasn’t even picked up that what he said was upsetting. In his mind, it’s logical.
As the ship lands in the proper bay, we quietly exit the ship where the waiting Leviathan bow to both of us.
Remus gently places his hand along the small of my back, a grin on his lips as he looks at me.
Our conversation earlier hasn’t affected him in the least. His mind is still on his day and his duties, I realize.
And I suddenly understand just how dangerous it is that Remus and I have bonded.
And how crucial it is that I understand not who, but what he is before it’s too late.