Chapter Twenty-Nine
Iris
For the past few hours, I’ve been content to stare at the trees beyond the bedroom I’ve occupied since Remus’s memory was taken by his mother. The sun has set, and this side of Xyrannis has been plunged into darkness. My attention remains on the faint glow at the edge of the sky.
The rings.
From here, they look like streaks over the sky and are bright enough to stand out from the stars.
The longer I focus on them, the more my despair deepens.
They are a physical reminder of what being on this planet means—that we are at the mercy of another, unknowingly held prisoner because she is terrified of someone who poses a bigger threat than both her and Remus.
Each pass in and out only adds to the monitoring she does to keep everything under her control.
She has meticulously planned for any and all contingencies.
We were at her mercy before we could even recognize it.
Passing through the rings the first time must have notified her that Remus’s essence was in me. But Remus is powerful enough that she couldn’t just come in headfirst to kill me. She had to be patient and sure. She needed to catch him off guard.
I shudder as I think of the emotions that ran through me in that moment—the emotions that belonged to him. They haunt me more than my own thoughts. They were so visceral and raw. And it only grows more devastating when I recall the betrayal he felt.
Seeing him now, so empty and emotionless, thanks to her, is both terrifying and enraging. He proved this afternoon that he has no recollection of me in the slightest. Speaking with him is out of the question, and Xion’s warning to me now feels even deadlier.
I ignore the light knock at the door, my eyes remaining focused on the rings.
“Iris,” Ezra calls to me hesitantly.
This is the first time he’s bothered speaking to me on his own. Ever since that first day at Xion’s, he’s avoided me, only speaking if Xion was around. I hear his footsteps, however, as he enters the room, coming into my line of vision to sit on the floor next to the bed.
His eyes follow mine to the rings in the sky as he leans against the bed.
“He’s gone. He just wanted to speak to us about Iriel,” Ezra says.
I scoff.
“Just letting you know why it was important that your decision no longer matters?” I ask.
Ezra laughs. “Pretty much. He mentioned that Iriel rambled on in his last moments. But he felt that giving Iriel a trial was more than fair in light of what he had done.”
“And his explanation for taking the decision from you?” I ask.
Ezra doesn’t respond immediately. He takes a deep breath, lowering his head.
“He said Iriel dared to step outside of his bounds and dragged me into it in the process. Death was the only option that waited for him at the end of this trial.”
Silence settles between us as we contemplate Remus’s words. They don’t sound like him at all.
Ezra takes a deep breath, dropping his head.
“I’m sorry, Iris. I know it must feel hopeless right now. Remus would be devastated if he knew the things he’s put you through,” he says.
I release a bitter chuckle. “Devastated enough to destroy your home?”
Ezra slowly turns to look at me, but I speak again before he can deny it.
“Sky told me what happened to that planet. I know you’re both scared of what he’ll do in retaliation,” I say.
I’m confused when anger doesn’t appear on Ezra’s features. But he looks away from me, his attention focusing back on the rings.
“You don’t understand what it’s like having someone like him as a brother.
It was the first time I’d seen his power on such a massive scale.
Remus has never been the emotional type.
For most of our lives, he’s been present but distant.
But seeing that…it made me realize we are all here at his pleasure, not the other way around.
And if he knew the results of our mother’s manipulations almost led to your death —I know he wouldn’t let it slide,” he says.
Ezra’s fists are clenched as he speaks. This is a entirely different side of him I’ve never seen before.
I don’t know why he’s being vulnerable with me right now.
It wasn’t but a week ago that he was mocking me for missing my planet.
And now, he’s sharing his inner most thoughts about his brother with me.
“I’m not the same na?ve woman I was. I understand what’s at stake. I know that the Remus I met in the blight had years between him and the initial invasion. The only reason he didn’t kill me that night in the blight is because he was bored and I was a challenge,” I say.
It’s strange seeing these beings whom I always saw as perfect from the outside be tested within by someone they thought they could trust. All it took was one of their own to take down the Divine Three.
“Just because we’re scared doesn’t mean we’ll stop fighting for you. Remus told us to protect you and we will. Starting with getting his memory back,” he says.
“Do you even think it’s possible?” I ask.
There’s no evidence that she didn’t just destroy everything. Getting Remus’s memory back could be a false hope that we are clinging to. It could be that we are so desperate for it to be a possibility that we are ignoring the facts.
“Of course we can. If he was having visions, that must mean this was done before. That’s enough for me,” he says.
Confusion hits me as Ezra accidentally reveals information I wasn’t aware of.
“Remus was having visions?” I ask.
Ezra nods. “I don’t know the specifics, but Xion said it was stuff from their childhoods he didn’t remember happening,” he says.
I bring my hand to my mouth as tears spring into my eyes.
Our conversation about his childhood holds so much more meaning now, making me wonder if my questions triggered these events.
But if Remus was having visions of memories, then what Ezra said is true, and there is hope. Maybe his memories can be returned.
It’s frustrating that I can’t fight for him.
What’s even more frustrating is that I don’t feel as liberated as I thought I would, being free of the bond—of Remus.
I remember vividly the night he revealed the truth about it to me.
There was no regret, only determination, specifically, in his refusal to live without me.
It’s because he chose to pursue those feelings that we are in this mess.
“He told me he loved me,” I whisper.
Ezra tenses and faces me. I have his full attention, and his features are a mixture of shock and pity.
“It was right before he left. We were fighting because what being bonded meant. He told me he refused to live without me and that he loved me…that I didn’t need to understand why. I just needed to accept it,” I say, laughing at the memory.
At the time, I was so angry that the message didn’t quite register.
And afterwards, my anger still lingered so much and I hated myself for the reaction I was having to his words.
But now, the moment has been stolen from us as if it never existed, and I can’t go back.
I can’t tell him that I might be feeling the same way.
“Do you feel the same?” Ezra asks, as if reading my thoughts.
I shrug, unable to hold his gaze.
“I haven’t lived long enough to even know what love is. My parents hated each other, and my brother sold me out to the rebel army.” My body reacts the same way it did when I thought about Remus’s words to me. “But…I think I didn’t hate him,” I finish.
Silence drifts between us as Ezra tries to find the right words. But he can’t.
“Where is he now?” I ask, hoping to change the subject.
“He’s in the capital. He and Xion had to take care of something,” he says.
“And your mother? Still no sign of her?” I ask.
Ezra shakes his head.
“Whatever happened between her and Remus, she didn’t escape unscathed. I don’t know where she could possibly be. But it gives us a chance to test your ring theory,” he says.
“Test?” I ask.
“We’re looking into it. If you’re right, and the rings are what’s holding all of this in place, maybe removing or even weakening them will help,” he says.
“What if Xion’s theory is right? What if she is running from someone, and they manage to find her here?” I ask.
“Whoever is out there is after her, not Xyrannis. And for now, she is nowhere to be found. This is more than likely our only chance to try to get Remus back. We’ll cross the other bridge if we come to it.”
I shake my head.
“You really don’t know anything about your mother’s past? About her?” I ask in disbelief.
Ezra shakes his head.
“There was never a need,” he says.
“Seems like she’s manipulated you too on some level,” I scoff.
Ezra is silent, however, leaning back against the edge of the bed as he studies the rings.
“Maybe.”