Chapter 48
Chapter Forty-Eight
Iris
My ascent into consciousness is slow. My body, though for once without pain, feels exhausted.
It feels like I ran a marathon, as the struggle to open my eyes lulls me in and out of sleep.
But I finally open them, and I am greeted with a familiar ceiling.
The rows of columns lead to the opening of the ceiling-to-floor windows, revealing the familiar snowy landscape beyond the glass.
I’m in Remus’s home—in Remus’s bed.
Tears of relief spring into my eyes. He didn’t destroy the planet. It takes a moment for me to recall everything that happened before he put me to sleep. But I know for sure I saw him. We spoke briefly, and he healed me.
I close my eyes, bunching the sheets beneath my fingers as I pull it to my nose, enjoying the smell I’ve come to associate with Remus.
Once I’ve calmed, I slowly sit up, flinching at the tension I feel in my stomach.
I look down, removing the blanket to reveal a light pink scar on the right of my abdomen.
It’s the area his mother stabbed me. I slowly run my fingers over it, the skin tingling slightly to my touch.
“It must have been hard for you.” Remus’s voice carries over the room, and I look up to see him standing in the doorway he created.
He slowly enters the room, moving with inhuman strides.
He looks different. Though he has all the same feature—minus his hair—he moves differently.
I didn’t think he could look any less human, but as he approaches, the deep glitter of his eyes is unnerving.
I’m both happy and nervous to see him. But something has changed since his memory returned.
He sits on the bed right next to me, and I can’t bring myself to speak as I finally recognize why his eyes are so unnerving. They shine the same way his mother’s did.
Something has changed.
He reaches for me, and out of instinct, I flinch away.
Remus notices, but his expression doesn’t change as he tries again, placing his hand on my cheek.
His thumb gently strokes my skin, the warmth making me close my eyes in comfort.
I keep my eyes closed, lifting my hand to cover his.
I don’t want to ask questions. I don’t want this moment to be shattered.
But I know that I can’t hide behind my fears forever.
“It’s me, Iris. I’m here,” he says gently as he closes the distance between us, pulling me into his arms. I easily melt into his touch. For the first time in months, I feel safe again. I feel comforted and certain.
“How?” I murmur.
Remus releases a bitter chuckle.
“You were right about it all. My mother, the rings, all of it. I’m just sorry you had to suffer trying to prove it to me,” he says, his hold tightening. “I’m so sorry.”
I feel him shaking above me, and I realize he is crying.
“I thought I lost you. I thought—” he trails off, and I pull away to look him in the eyes. I’ve never seen Remus so shaken before. And I can’t believe that it’s because of me.
My heart stutters as it connects.
“Is that why you were going to destroy the planet?” I ask, my stomach knotting.
Remus doesn’t respond, and I can’t read his expression, especially with the way his eyes glimmer.
“That, among other reasons. My mother is the cause of all of this pain. It’s only fair that she feels an inkling of what she’s put us through. What she put you through,” he says.
I look out the glass. The snow has begun to fall, creating new drifts right outside. It’s all I can focus on not to tremble from the nonchalant way Remus talks about wiping out a planet. The empathy he had before he left has been replaced with cold resolve.
“You can’t do that, Remus. It’s wrong. It’s as evil as your mother,” I murmur.
Remus gently grips my hand, and I follow his movement back to his face. He angles his head, studying me.
“You don’t know, do you? Everything that she’s taken from us?” he asks, studying me intensely.
I furrow my brow in confusion. Of course, I know. I am the one who risked my life to make him remember. But the way he looks at me, the way he holds me, makes me think there’s more.
“I…I know what she’s done is evil. But Xyrannis doesn’t deserve to be punished for it,” I say.
Remus is silent. His eyes shift over my face as if he’s making an internal decision, and it takes him longer than usual to answer as he looks past me to the snow beyond the glass.
“Okay,” is all he says.
“Okay?” I ask.
Remus nods, shifting his attention back to me. The intensity of his gaze is unnerving as he watches me. A smile finally brushes over his lips.
“I just got you back. I’m not going to do something you will resent me for in the long run. I said we would try when I returned, remember?” he asks.
I slowly nod, tears spilling over as I look at our hands. Remus doesn’t want to let go.
“So…what did she do to you? How did you get your memory back?” I ask.
Remus laughs. “None of that is important now.”
I don’t understand him at this moment. His rage toward her was so intense that he was ready to destroy the world she loved just to retaliate. But now, he has completely dropped it and is reluctant to even speak of what actually happened?
“Why? She wiped your memory, Remus. She took our bond, how is it not important—”
“Because I want you to focus on recovering. Whatever has happened is in the past, and I have you now. One day, I will share it with you. But not while you’re still recovering…not while you’re so fragile,” he says matter-of-factly.
I want to protest, but it occurs to me that I have yet to ask about anyone else. I gasp, my grip on Remus’s hand tightening.
“Sky and Ezra were with me! Did you—are they—” I trail off, not knowing how to finish the sentence, but Remus understands.
“They are safe. Ezra is recovering slowly,” he says, and I sag in relief, leaning against the pillows as the stress visibly dissipates.
“So does that mean the person who attacked him—who attacked you is dead?” I ask.
Remus shakes his head.
“The Celestivine who attacked is from our home world. The history of my mother is a complex one that Ezra is unfortunately a stain on. So, as a condition for his life, Xion and I will be returning with him to the world we came from,” he says.
My eyes widen, and I pull my hands from his as my world comes to a screeching halt.
“Returning? You’re just going to go back with someone you’ve never met, who tried to kill you, as if everything is going to be okay?” I ask in disbelief.
Remus studies me carefully, his expression unwavering.
“Yes,” he says simply.
I shake my head in disbelief.
“What about me? What about your promise? What about seeing this as my home?” I ask, trying to make sense of everything.
Remus releases a deep breath, shifting closer to me on the bed. He lies down behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pulls me into him, and I realize I am trembling. His chin gently rests atop my head for a moment before he speaks.
“I am not what I once was, Iris. I’m barely even who I was. Everything for me has changed, and remaining on this world is no longer an option. This is no longer my home. It can’t be. It never was…it was only ever a prison,” he says.
I tense, but don’t respond. He’s speaking cryptically. He won’t tell me more about what’s happened since his memory returned. Or even what’s returned with it. But whatever he knows is enough for him to despise this world.
“And me? Is this my prison now, too?” I ask, earning a soft chuckle from Remus as he pulls me closer.
“Of course not. I’ve come to realize with this whole situation that you’re the only thing in my life that’s been real.
You’re the only thing I chose for myself that was never corrupted by my mother’s touch.
You’re the one thing I can count on and return to…
as my home. I will always love you for that, Iris,” he says, gently turning me so that I am facing him.
My heart beats harder as I look into his eyes, my cheeks warm from his words.
He reaches behind him, his hair falling in loose strands around him as he pulls something out of it.
My eyes widen as he reveals the hairpin he gave me right before he left.
He holds it between us, studying it as he speaks.
“When I was released from my mother’s prison for the first time, I infused my essence into this.
I crafted it using minerals from a neighboring planet and infused it with my essence as a reminder of my freedom—my growth.
It’s very important to me, and why I gave it to you that day by the river,” he says.
He reaches over me, placing it in my hair, and I note that there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips as he reaches for my chin, lifting my eyes to meet his.
“Thank you for not giving up on me,” he says.
My eyes widen even further, if possible, as I realize the extent of his words.
Whatever his mother did, whatever he’s discovered about himself has changed him entirely.
He seems different, because he is. I fight the chill threatening to crawl up my spine as my body finally accepts the truth that’s been staring me in the face since he entered the room.
He’s an entirely new kind of entity that I have no idea how to handle.
He lowers his lips to mine and kisses me. His kiss is soft and gentle, as if he’s afraid that I am truly here. My stomach flutters in excitement when I feel his fingers in my hair, holding me close to him as his tongue traces my bottom lip before pushing into my mouth.
His free hand wraps around my waist, pulling me flush against him, and yet he still kisses me so gently. His fingers shift from my hair, tracing the nape of my neck, before settling along my jaw, and I feel the pattern of his thumb stroking my flesh, making me shiver against him.
And suddenly, he pulls away from me. His eyes shift over my face, lingering on my lips, and it’s as if a switch has been flipped. His hands fall away from my face, and he releases a soft breath.
He’s distancing himself.
I slowly reach for his hands, gripping them as I offer him a smile.
It’s the only way I know how to comfort him, the only way I can tell him that whatever is coming, whatever is next, I will be by his side.
I don’t have the strength to voice it. I have no idea what’s in our future, especially since he seems to be changing right before my eyes. Whatever it is, we’ll face it together.
“Please...stay,” I murmur.
Remus hesitates, but finally lowers himself to lie with me, pulling me close.
His body is warm behind me, reminding me he is here as I focus on the snowy display beyond the glass.
There was a time I never thought I’d see this place again—when I thought that my life with Remus was over.
After everything that has happened until now, I don’t have the strength to be angry with myself for the warmth I feel in his arms.
We lie in silence, both of us aware of the uncertain future that awaits us. But no matter what comes of it this time, we’ll face it together. So we enjoy that, at this moment, nothing and no one is willing to come between us.
For this moment, at least, we finally have peace.