Chapter 19
Ayla
The last time Ayla stepped on the North Petal, she was the second daughter of its Ruler, twin sister of the heir of the House.
She was a different woman now. From the rocky shores where the Radel Sea clashed, to the unwelcoming mountains delimiting where the North Petal finished and the West and East Petals began, to the Jofryo River separating the North from the Core, including the busy city of Borealia and the North House…
As the current heir, every inch of this land would one day belong to her. It would be hers to rule and command.
But that wasn’t what made her truly different from her past self.
Her new role had been imposed, a mere punishment from the previous Organ Mandor to Lenna for her defiance and lack of obedience.
Even if Ayla had dreamed every day and every night of being the heir, had envied her sister and occasionally even wished for fatal accidents to occur to her.
For a quarter of a century, her life had been full of jealousy, desires for things that weren’t within her reach, and pretense.
So much fucking pretense it was embarrassing even to think about it.
She had pretended to fit in a world that didn’t accept her sister and her fierce personality, so Ayla had molded her own personality to meet the expectations of her mother and father, of her House, of the Northern Elite, and of the wider panom society.
For over two decades, Ayla had pretended to be everything a dutiful daughter was meant to be—submissive, respectful, compliant.
She had repeated what she was told to the point of satiety, until she thought those words were her beliefs and her own ideas.
She had nullified her true persona to be pleasant, to satisfy, with the stupid hope that she would be noticed, that she would be told she was good enough, that she was not the second plate.
It didn’t work. It never worked.
And then, one day, she wished to be the heir and pretended to be the perfectly correct panom her persona had become.
The next, her twin sister was being tortured to unconsciousness for speaking up and begging for compassion for an innocent soul, and none of the panoms Ayla had always admired moved a finger. Not even Mother and Father.
Until then, Ayla had accomplished the masterful task of being a twenty-five-year-old who didn’t know herself because she had pretended her life away.
She had become a brainless reflection of those she admired, but that day, something changed.
Even from her numbed-to-reality, privileged seat in this society, she saw some wrongs, and more importantly, her blood boiled for the first time in her life when Lenna’s pooled, red and thick, in front of her eyes.
Ayla swallowed the tight knot in her chest she had learned to live with. A knot full of regrets and many useless and nonsensical years. Her life had been a waste of energy, feelings and time—time she would never recover. But that was the past, and this was the present.
The past few months had changed her irreversibly.
She had stopped pretending the dead didn’t speak to her.
She had a woman she had sworn herself she would protect, a Petal to Rule in the future, and a mission to help make Thyria a safer place.
She had sacrificed her sight for a power she had never yet used, but every cell of her being knew the Fifth Power would be necessary when they needed it most. She had a goal: finding and destroying a piece of the heart of the Cardinal Queen.
For the first time in her life, Ayla had greater goals than her own selfish dreams.
“How do you feel being here again?” Nina’s voice was quiet, despite Ayla not detecting anyone surrounding them.
Ayla had moured them to the outskirts of Borealia, in the middle of inhospitable yew woods that most beings avoided unless they fancied accidentally stepping on dense needles hidden amongst the fresh, fluffy snow.
More than half of their boots were covered in the warm, Cardinal-red snow one could only find in the North Petal.
While the sound of their footsteps echoed in the stillness, Ayla inhaled deeply, letting the scent of this brutal nature invade her.
“Lost and found at the same time,” she replied with a sigh.
She kneeled enough to grab a handful of this unique, non-melting snow, shaping it into a ball.
It was a shame she couldn’t see its bright redness anymore, as it was always striking against the dark trunks and the usual pale, cloudy sky above.
“Found because it’s the first time I am in this Petal and feel like I know what I want, what I don’t want, and what I will fight for.
Lost because I don’t know what to expect from my parents, or how they will feel about my… many changes.”
When Ayla stood up, her foot got tangled in a branch buried under the snow, and Nina’s hand was under her elbow before she could trip over. “Careful there, the nature of your Petal isn’t the most welcoming.”
Ayla lacked her eyes, yet she had gained senses she hadn’t even felt until the day she lost her sight.
The contact of Nina’s gentle hand and the closeness of her body were breathtaking, intensified, as if the entire world had focused on her presence there.
Her icy mint and white blossom scent lingered in the space between them.
The softness of Nina’s hair falling on the bare skin of Ayla’s arms sent goosebumps to the back of her neck.
She heard Nina’s quiet gasp and how her heartbeat changed to a steady, quick rhythm.
She felt the infinitesimal tension on the tips of Nina’s fingers, not letting go of her grip.
“You’re pure magic, Nina. Do you even realize that?” Ayla managed to say, resisting the temptation to approach the sweet, perfect shape of Nina’s half-open lips—lips she had dreamed of far too often, since the moment she had first seen her.
Ayla had never wished to kiss a woman before, but since Nina—full of quiet joy and honest support—had stepped into her life, every cell of Ayla’s body had felt driven towards her.
Solely for her. And damn every Cardinal, but Ayla hadn’t yet found the courage to brave the risk to kiss her, to speak the truth of her feelings out loud.
Even the remote possibility of Nina feeling uncomfortable, of distancing herself from her because she didn’t want Ayla in her life in that capacity…
It hurt too much to imagine not having Nina’s constant companionship and trust, so if she had to remain distant to ensure the safety of their relationship, she would do so.
However, sometimes, when Ayla felt the reaction of Nina’s body when it got closer to hers, she couldn’t resist but wonder.
What if this intense reaction wasn’t just because Nina cared about her like she cared about so many people, but because she cared about Ayla in a particular way?
What if the conversations Ayla had with Nina’s dead brother, Raoul, about Nina’s love interests in the past being male were irrelevant?
What if Ayla were also the one and only female love interest for Nina?
What if Ayla’s dreams of a future together until their very last day weren’t as delusional as they appeared? What if, what if, what if.
Nina let out a breathless, nervous chuckle, and Ayla didn’t need to see her to feel her heated blood rushing to her cheeks, warmer than the red snow still in her hand.
“I’m the least magical of all,” Nina murmured, voice unsure and too humble for Ayla’s heart to bear.
“Maybe that’s why you’re the most extraordinary of all, Nina. In a world full of magic, you’re the only one who makes me believe there’s something even more powerful.”
Before Nina could reply, Ayla felt the familiar tickle of incoming ink arriving on her forearm. She touched the raised words on her skin, not needing to see the light orange color of her mother’s ink to recognize her handwriting.
Ayla had received her inks multiple times over the past few months, always wanting information on her whereabouts and safety, yet never asking the same about Lenna. As usual, Veronica Brachyan’s words didn’t mention Ayla’s twin sister at all. This time they just read: