Chapter 15
Fifteen
BLUE
There are worse things than chopping my hair off and dyeing it an outrageous color. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
With a shaky breath and an even shakier hand, I grab the scissors and hope I watched enough YouTube videos. Even if my hack job sucks, it's still better than the weight of everything I've been through. With each lock of hair that falls to the floor, a new layer of acceptance settles over me.
My purpose has changed. The trajectory of my life altered.
I always thought it was funny when people in movies and TV shows would get their hair done to symbolize the change in their lives, but I get it now.
I'm sick of looking in the mirror and being reminded of the life I've lived.
Roman loved running his fingers through my hair. Felix called it pretty. Declan teased me by playing with it. Jared would even style it into braids.
All my hair has done for me since Linda moved me away from my friends is make me a target. Her sleazy men have used my pretty hair against me. One even yanked me away from the kitchen table by the sensitive strands and threw me to the ground, all because he wanted my chair.
I'm done with this version of me.
There's a young girl staring at me with wide red-rimmed eyes. I can't chicken out. She needs to know I can be strong for her. I will be.
Every single one of my desires will be shoved aside for the next eleven years—all for my cousin. I still can't believe I have a cousin. There's also the shock factor of having to unpack my tiny ass backpack and sell my ticket out of this shitty existence.
"Erica...?" Violet's small voice jolts me from my stare down with the box of hair dye.
Jolting a little, I glance at her. "Yeah?"
"Do you need some help?"
I can't contain my smile. Violet's dad died, and from what she's told me about him, they were very close. She loved her dad so much that even I cried about her loss.
"How about you double-check my cut?" I suggest sitting on the toilet beside where she's curled into a ball in the tub. Her anxiety about being in this crappy home with all the crappy people around is understandable. If she wants to help me change my hair, I'll absolutely give her something to do.
My heart pangs when Violet glances at the door as if to make sure it's still locked, and the broom is angled across it. Linda had a small party last night, and a few of her friends are passed out in the living room and kitchen.
Violet climbs out of her safe space and approaches me hesitantly. I spin and wait for her to do something. Tiny, gentle fingers tickle the back of my neck as Violet runs them through my shoulder-length locks.
"This is actually really good," she says with a touch of awe in her tone. I laugh quietly and wiggle my head from side to side.
"Why, thank you. I studied pretty hard," I tease.
Girly giggles erupt from sweet little Violet. "I had to turn your phone off last night because you fell asleep watching a tutorial."
I turn and huff at the child sassing me. "Yeah, then I practiced in my dreams."
She narrows her eyes at me, scrunching her nose. "I don't believe you. You never sleep long enough to dream."
Oof, right in the heart. No, I don't sleep very long, I never have, because I've never felt safe enough to do so. I'm going to die by the time I'm sixty due to the sheer exhaustion I don't see myself ever fixing.
Shaking off those feelings, I whip my hair back and forth. "Hmm, don't believe me, but you even said it looks really good."
Violet's mouth twists, and she crosses her arms. "Hmm."
I laugh, loving her sassiness. We've gotten along pretty well so far when she's not crying, and I'm not being harassed by shitty men and my aunt.
I grab the box of hair dye and wiggle it in front of her rosy cheeks. "Want to apply it?"
A quiet squeal erupts from Violet and she snatches the box from me. She doesn't waste time in opening it. Instead, she rips through the cardboard like a feral cat.
Will it be a mistake to let a seven-year-old get anywhere near me with permanent blue dye? Probably. But this has been the most fun we've had together, and I'll cherish this moment forever.