Chapter 17
Seventeen
VIOLET
Convincing Jared's wonderful parents to drive me to the guys' house tonight wasn't my greatest moment. I begged and pleaded with Clara after waking up from a nightmare.
Honestly, I just needed to see for myself that they hadn't found Mama yet. I'm so thankful for Derrick and Clara, but I'm a mess. I can't sleep, can barely eat. Sometimes I forget what day it is and just how long Blue has been missing because it feels like years.
It's night two at Clara's, and this time Clara was already in the kitchen eating chocolate frosting with a spoon. Watching the older woman's tears roll down her cheeks made my tummy coil uncomfortably with guilt. I've been so difficult.
When she turned to find me watching her, her tears dried, and her face softened into worry. For me. In that moment, she reminded me so much of my mama. Any and all emotion Clara was struggling with was thrown out the window once she saw my red-rimmed eyes.
With my arms wrapped around my midsection, I broke. Clara wrapped me in a hug and asked me what she could do to help. So I told her. I even texted Roman to see what they were up to, knowing they had to go back to their place once they were done searching for the day.
He confirmed they were headed back to their townhome, which I relayed to Clara. Her mouth twisted when I asked to go see them. I could tell she was conflicted, then her gaze snapped over my shoulder, and Derrick announced that there would be rules if he were to drive us there.
I quickly agreed that I wouldn't put up a fight when it was time for us to head back, and we could only be at the guys' place for an hour, considering it's super late—or early, however you want to look at it.
So here we are. Derrick, Clara, and I are walking up the path to their backdoor. I glance at Bethany's patio, wishing I were just coming to hang out with Mama and her friend for the night.
Picking Blue up from here after she's had some wine have been some of my favorite times. Blue and Beth are a damn hoot after sharing a bottle and a half of chardonnay. Barf, but whatever makes Mom smile and fall to the grass laughing has my stamp of approval.
I miss her.
"Come on," Derrick murmurs as he reaches for the patio door. Sliding it open, he steps aside and ushers me forward.
Once again, I feel so freaking bad for how I've treated them the past few days. They've been so patient and kind. "Thank you," I whisper and breathe a sigh of relief when the warm air heats my chilly face.
Voices greet me, which I expected, but the feminine one gives me pause. Is there another woman here? Keeping my steps light, I tiptoe toward the living room and pause before they might see me.
"I think I need to tell you about Blue. What sh-she's been through. It might help find her. Maybe not, though. I’m not sure. I c-can't sit around and do nothing..."
Bethany? Why is she here? What would be so important about Blue's past that she needs to tell them?
"We get it," Felix—I think—responds. "If you're comfortable with it, we'll listen. Just please relax, Beth."
There's silence for a moment or maybe someone says something, but Clara and Derrick distract me when they come to hover behind me.
Bethany finally speaks up, sounding tired and definitely hesitant. "I'm fine. This is pretty normal for me. Just my own issues. Let's talk about Blue's instead, okay?" She gasps. "Oh my god, that sounded terrible!"
Issues? What the hell is she talking about?
"I have issues, too. Everyone does, and we know you didn't mean it poorly. So what do you want to tell us?" I can’t tell who says it, but I just need them to shut up so I can hear what Beth has to say.
A hand touches my shoulder, but I pay it no mind just like how I ignore Clara's suggestion of us leaving. There's no way I'm missing out on story time. What does Bethany know that I don't?!
"I'll just start at the beginning..." Bethany starts, sounding uncertain, but that doesn't stop her.
"So, from what I know, Blue only really ate at school when she was growing up.
Other kids made fun of her while she was grieving her parents.
Then I guess in middle school she started mowing lawns, doing odd jobs, to earn money.
She bought makeup, newish clothes, and changed herself to fit in. "
What? Mama was bullied?
"Blue is a chameleon. I swear, the only time I've seen the version of her without walls up was when she came running out of the backroom at work looking scared and pissed off.
That was the most emotion I had ever seen from her.
You four disarmed the poor woman, but with you, she showed her true self for once. "
It's a punch to the gut hearing that other people felt like Mama was wearing a mask.
"She wore a mask to fit in. Then she met you," Beth continues, on a roll and ignoring random comments coming from the guys. "I don't know how much you know, but from what she told me and the other ladies, Blue's only guaranteed meal was at school."
Bethany continues as if the guys aren't murmuring angrily. "She said she rarely slept and often had to clean up after her aunt’s benders. It wasn't good..."
There's some cursing, and Clara's hand on my shoulder tightens. Whether it's to comfort me or for herself, I have no clue, but I appreciate it.
"Um," Beth seems to hesitate. My heart is in my throat, knowing it only gets worse.
It seems that is how it's always going to be with my mama.
"Blue mentioned that Linda's dealer pushed her down the stairs and had to skip a week of school because of her bruises.
Sometimes she had to sleep outside because Linda would lock her out. And then—"
"And then?! What the hell? How come she never told us any of this?" That sounds like Jared. Someone murmurs something, who I'm guessing is Roman, because he has a knack for calming everyone down.
"When..." Bethany trails off, and it takes everything in me not to run into the damn living room and demand the rest of the story. "When she moved, things got worse."
"Worse?" I whisper, sounding like my heart is shattered and ripped through my vocal cords.
Obviously, I knew Blue had a tough childhood.
I saw enough of it when I moved in with them, even though she tried to shield me from how much we struggled.
But the abuse and neglect are far more severe than I realized.
"Before Violet moved in, there were a few older men who—" Silence. I can almost imagine Bethany swallowing and straightening her shoulder to finish what she came here to say. "They pushed her around. One...one snuck into her room and...and touched her breast."
Grunts and thuds follow Bethany's bomb, yet she continues. "Twice."
"Twice?!"
I can’t tell who shouts this time, but I really don't care.
"She w-woke up both times before he got any fur-further. Then she learned how to barricade her d-d-door."
Unable to hold back, I break free from Clara's grasp and rush for the living room. That's why we put things in front of our bedroom door?! I barely register Roman with his head in his hands, Jared pacing, and Declan holding Felix in a tight hug. My focus is on the sobbing blonde.
A cry breaks free as my chest is overcome with so much emotion it hurts. I fling myself onto Bethany's lap and cling to her like she might take it all back if I hug her hard enough.
Nothing exists beyond the sheer shock and horrified realization that I might not know my cousin who I call Mom. Not really. Blue, Mom, Mama, whatever I may call her, is far fucking stronger than I thought she was.
In the wake of this horrible realization, hope blooms. Mom is a fighter; she will come home.