Chapter 35
Thirty-Five
ROMAN
When Felix told Blue he would call Violet, I was confused. Why in the world would he call V? Most of the time my friend has zero tact when it comes to emotions, and Violet is bound to have way too many for him to handle.
Jared has kind of zoned out in the past few minutes since Jim stopped talking. Once Blue's water arrived, Felix took over and made her drink. She's getting enough fluids and nutrients in her IV, but her throat needs all the help it can get.
She fell asleep a minute ago, and we're all still staring at her even as Jim says goodbye. We haven't called Violet. I can't tell if there's an avoidance thing happening, but this crash of adrenaline is showing differently for each of us.
Jared is coming down from his energetic need to make everyone feel better and continues to stare at her face.
Felix is incredibly focused on tucking the sheets around Blue and fluffing her pillow.
Declan wipes a tear and takes a deep breath, checking the monitor beside the bed with her vitals.
I'm sitting, observing, and waiting for someone to shift gears again because there's still shit to do.
Someone needs to contact Levi and Kevin to make sure they're okay and maybe ask them to get us a change of clothes. We stink. Each one of us should run through the shower quickly so we don't wreck Blue's room. And most importantly...
"You gonna call Violet?" I murmur and tap the back of Felix's leg with my muddy boot.
He glances over his shoulder at me and tenses. Felix may be showing growth in his emotional intelligence, but it's not his strong suit. Yet. I'm holding out hope.
"I got it," I say, holding back my grumble of slight indignation. Tonight has already tested my mental strength, and this fucking phone call might be the thing that completely breaks me.
I've been staring at Violet's new number on my phone for about five minutes now. The clouds have broken in the sky, and the stars are staring at me. I came outside to get away from the feel of the hospital. The machines, constant murmurs of staff, and bright lights did nothing for my mind.
Even with the shock of cold air and a beautiful night sky, the tumbling thoughts haven't stopped. Or slowed. My mind is still going a mile a minute, thinking about everything we've been through and what the next steps entail.
The next step is talking to Violet. Having a clear head while I talk to her isn't going to happen, unfortunately.
"Fuck," I groan and hit the call button. My heart is in my throat, forcing me to hold my breath.
What do I say? Why the hell wasn't I thinking about what to tell Violet? I'm such a dum—
"Roman? Is everything okay?" Violet's voice is high-pitched and fast on the phone.
I breathe again, but only because I have to if I plan to speak. If I don't talk, she will panic more than she already is. "Why did the phone only ring once before you picked up, Violet? Shouldn't you be asleep?"
She ignores me. "Is everything okay?!"
I pull the phone away when my ear cringes. "Yes. She's okay." Wait.
"WHAT?! YOU FOUND MOM?! WHERE IS SHE?! WHERE ARE YOU?!"
Shit. Fuck. Declan should have done this. I missed the step about telling her we found her mama and just jumped right to a vague mention of Blue.
"ROMAN?! ROMAN!"
"Shit, kiddo. I hear you. I'm sorry." And I really fucking am. I'm messing this up. "We found Blue. We're at a hospital in—" Where the fuck are we actually?
I look around for a sign that tells me where I am, but I don't see jack shit. Meanwhile, Violet's still screaming through the speaker, and I'm convinced she won't hear anything I say.
Still I tell her I'll text her the address when I figure out where the hell we are. I would send her my location pin, but the poor kid only has a flip phone now.
"I want to talk to Mom," she begs, sounding quieter. Soft voices filter through the background, and I bet Jared's parents are up. Bethany, too, would be my guess. Violet was literally screaming.
I suck in a breath, knowing the hard part is coming. Violet's going to ask the questions I don't want to answer. "She's sleeping right now."
"Can you wake her, please? She must want to talk to me?" V's words wobble with emotion.
"She—" I cough. "We have to let her rest, kiddo. I'm sorry. She needs to heal."
"Heal?" she murmurs, then seems to shove her feelings aside. "Well, we're leaving. Derrick got hold of Felix. Can you have her call me when she wakes up?"
I look around, hoping like hell I can hand the phone to somebody else, but nobody's here. What do I tell Violet?
"You’re keeping something from me!" she snaps, sounding scared.
I rub a hand down my face and reply, "I don't know what to say, V. Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm doing a horrible job with this. It's just—it's been a really long night, and Blue can't use her voice very much for a few days."
"Why?" she demands, not skipping a beat even as I hear her rushing around.
"Because she has a lot of bruising on her neck, Violet." There. I fucking said it. She will know what I'm not saying.
Nothing in the entire world could prepare anyone for a conversation like this.
Am I supposed to respect Blue's privacy and allow her to tell Violet what happened or is that selfish?
That's like apologizing and asking what they need me to do to make it better.
Does leaving it to Blue give her more trauma and more shit to deal with?
Should I tell Violet myself to make things easier for Blue?
Fucking Felix said he was going to do this.
"Can..." Violet whispers, trailing off. "Can she t-text me then? We'll be there in like three hours."
I sigh, hearing Jim's voice in my head telling us that she's missing four fingernails. "I'm not sure..."
"Why the hell not?!" Back to screaming again. Except this time it's less frantic and more terrified.
The stars shine above me, reminding me that there's still light in the darkness. This one awful moment in time is just that—a moment. Obviously there will be a whole string of them for a while after this chat, but there will still be brightness. There fucking has to be.
I swallow all my hesitancy and tell Blue's kid that she lost four fucking fingernails, so it might hurt for her to type. Jim said she'll need to keep bandages on those fingers to allow the skin to harden beneath.
Violet's silent for a long time. So long that I'm not surprised Derrick takes over the phone call.
"Rome, Violet needs a minute," Derrick rumbles down the line, sounding distracted.
Me too. "Of course." It's understandable, and she didn't just get the info dump we did a bit ago. Maybe it's best she learns this shit in small amounts.
"We will be there soon. Tell the doc we're coming and not taking no for an answer. Jim Morell has a lot to make up for, so he will let us in."
I chuckle. Derrick's right about Jim. I'm glad his ire is aimed somewhere else for now because the four of us men have a lot of making up to do of our own too. "Have I ever told you how much I love you, Derrick?"
"Every time we talk, kid. Be safe. Update one of us if anything changes."
"I will." I'm nodding along with him while staring at the pavement. The crash is coming for me, too. I'm losing momentum.
"And Roman," Derrick says softly. Far gentler than he ever is with us guys after hearing about what we did to Blue. "Close your eyes for a bit. Take a breath. Blue's going to need you again very soon."
I nod; he doesn't see it though. But I do say thank you, because I really fucking needed the permission to give in to the heaviness seeping into my mind and body.
I'll take a breath, and when I wake, I'll breathe for Blue.