Chapter 24
Rachel
Even as Penny spoke, Rachel could see panic flaring in her eyes. All serenity gone, she started to try to speak, tripping over her words.
“It’s okay,” said Rachel, smoothing her hair. “Penny, breathe.”
“Willow,” gasped out Penelope and pushed herself up from all fours. “Willow willow willow.”
Rachel’s stomach plummeted as she stepped back, giving the other woman space. Her submissive looked thoroughly freaked out. “What do you need? Water?”
“No. I don’t need anything.” Shutters were coming down in her eyes and in a moment everything that they’d been building seemed to have crumbled. “Please, can I just…”
“Of course,” said Rachel and backed out of the stall.
Reese looked curiously as she walked over. “Where’s Penelope?”
“She needs some… time.” But the truth was that Rachel didn’t know what Penelope needed. She didn’t even know exactly what changed, only that something had. Something vital. “If you don’t mind staying in here, in case she needs you? I might wait outside for a minute.”
She wasn’t running away, but she could tell right now that going back and trying to talk to Penelope would only make things worse. She’d safeworded, and Rachel had the sneaky suspicion that she was trying to safeword out of her emotions.
Emotions didn’t work like that though, and Rachel knew that there was no way that she’d be able to safeword out of her own emotions.
She stood outside the barn, the fresh air cool against her skin. Her eyes pricked with tears, and the thing was, she didn’t know how to help. She didn’t know what to do in this situation, and all she could do was respect Penny’s wishes.
“Hey.” Penny came up behind her, and Rachel turned round slowly, cautiously.
“Hey. Are you alright?”
Penelope nodded, but there was something different, something guarded in her manner. “Maybe we just head back to our suite for a bit?”
“Sure,” said Rachel. She looked behind to where Reese and Bossy P were. Reese gave her a sympathetic smile, but she didn’t know what it meant. Didn’t know what any of it meant really.
The walk back to the main building was quiet. It didn’t take too long, and they passed various people on the way, offering awkward nods of acknowledgement and forced smiles.
Rachel didn’t know what to do, what to say, but Penny seemed content to walk along in silence, so she attempted to do the same.
When they finally reached their suite, Penelope disappeared off to the bathroom, and came back with her plug in hand. “I don’t think I want to wear this anymore,” she said.
“Whatever you want,” said Rachel. “Pen, are we… are we okay?”
“Of course!” said Penelope, brightly. Too brightly.
“Only, it doesn’t feel like we’re okay.”
There was a pause whilst the other woman thought through her answer.
“We are okay, it’s just… I shouldn’t rely on you so much.
I feel like whatever we’re doing is edging into relationship territory and I’m not sure that’s what I…
” Her voice trailed off and Rachel was left in limbo, not entirely certain what was going on.
“Well, whatever boundaries you need to put in place, I support that. I just want to make sure that you’re okay, that I didn’t overstep. You safeworded out and that is completely fine.”
“It is?” Penelope turned watery blue eyes on Rachel, and Rachel realized that she was about to cry.
“Oh, sweetheart, of course it is. You can safe out any time you like. That’s the whole point of having a safe word in the first place—so you can use it. I was just wondering what triggered it, so I can avoid it next time.”
Penny got up and wandered over to pour herself a glass of water. Her hands trembled slightly, and Rachel longed to run over and do it for her, but she fought the urge. Stayed where she stood.
“Maybe… maybe we can sit down and talk about it?”
“Yes.” Eagerly, Rachel moved to sit in the chair that Penelope had pulled out for her at the table. The other woman sat in the chair opposite, the table between the two of them.
Penny’s fingers curled around the glass that she held and she looked everywhere but at Rachel. “I suppose it started with Cristina.”