Chapter Seventeen Grant
Chapter Seventeen
Grant
“What do you mean, you can’t take the job?
” Rosa, the head of the oncology department at my new job, tilted her head sideways on my laptop screen.
Our Zoom connection was spotty, and I had to tell her five different times that I was not moving to Minnesota.
The first three times, she thought I said I was going on vacation in Sarasota.
“This is not a bingo night with friends, Dr. Gerwig. You accepted the position. We’ve prepared for you. ”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and I meant it. It wasn’t like me to bail on a job. It wasn’t like me to bail on anything. But I also knew my limits, and I drew the line at being away from my partner and baby most of the week.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t do it when it was just Layla I’d be missing. That would be enough to tip me over the edge.
So to add little George into the mix? No, thank you. I wanted to help people. To better their lives. But ultimately, I wouldn’t be able to do any of those things if I didn’t feel fulfilled and happy in my own life.
“Circumstances have changed for me,” I explained, as the head of the department and medical director both stared me down through the screen with a frown.
“When I took the job, I was single. Now, I have a partner, and she is pregnant. She cannot move to Minnesota due to her career, and I have to consider what’s best for my family. ”
“Well, first of all, congratulations.” Rosa pushed her reading glasses up her nose, processing my words.
“Second, we do have some programs for medical staff relocating with families. We have an entire team dedicated to serve as a support system, a children’s center, and a backup day care. There are many options—”
“As I said, I cannot ask her to move with me,” I reiterated flatly.
It was too much, too soon. Especially considering Layla’s history with Connor.
She’d had to give up her own dreams and aspirations before to accommodate someone else’s wants and needs, and this thing between us was so new, so delicate, I didn’t want to scare her off.
“I apologize for the inconvenience and for wasting your time,” I restated, “but I’ve already asked my current employer to extend my contract. I’m staying in New York.”
There was a brief silence before the medical director, Dr. Ashford, spoke.
“This is certainly very disappointing. We were looking forward to working with you, Dr. Gerwig. But I cannot, in good conscience, pretend I’d behave any differently, considering the consequences. If your situation changes, please let us know.”
“I sure hope it doesn’t,” I said curtly. “But thank you. I appreciate your kind words.”
I killed the call, closed my laptop, and continued with my workday.
It felt like a huge stone had been lifted from my chest. I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Layla about this.
Yes, a part of me was disappointed. Crushed, even.
I’d wanted this position, badly. It would’ve allowed me resources I hadn’t had before, and I wanted to work with the most innovative people in the industry.
But at the end of the day, I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too.
I’d choose Layla and the baby over anything and everything.
My career included.
The rest of the day slugged one minute at a time.
Despite knowing I’d done the right thing, I wasn’t thrilled with breaking the news to Layla. She already felt like an intruder in my life as it was. The last thing I wanted was a pushback from her.
I arrived home at seven in the evening and, as usual, found my place effortlessly perfect.
A zucchini and beef lasagna was waiting on the stovetop, right next to an apple pie.
Candles were lit. The windows were all open, letting the fresh late-spring air drift into the apartment.
Layla greeted me wearing the same pink dress she’d worn for Connor and Kellianne’s wedding.
This immediately gave me pause. I dropped my messenger bag at the door, giving her a once-over.
“Why are you in an evening dress?”
Her eyes were puffy. She’d been crying, I realized. My alarm morphed into panic. She threw her arms over my shoulders and hugged me. I immediately circled her waist, drawing her close, providing her the comfort she needed.
“Grant, I can’t fit into the dress anymore.”
“Clearly, you can. You’re inside it. And looking fifty shades of fucking delicious in it, if I may add,” I muttered.
She pulled away, stepping backward to allow me a better look. “Look.” She pointed at her stomach. “Look how tight it is.”
I stared at her midriff. The dress seemed a little tight around the waist, but it still fit perfectly.
“Yeah,” I said slowly. “That tends to happen when you’re growing another human inside of you.”
“You don’t understand.” She started pacing. “This is how it starts. You’re going to look at me and think—”
I caught her elbow, turning her to look at me. “I’m going to look at you and think you’re the most gorgeous woman in the world. In any size. In any dress. Hell, I’ll think that even if you wear a reusable grocery bag. The Trader Joe’s one too. You know that horrid one, with all the colors—”
“You’re just saying this because I’m pregnant.”
“No.” I cupped her shoulders, holding her gaze.
“I’m saying it because it’s the truth. I know Connor used every ounce of his energy to make you feel less than, but to me, you’re more than I could ever wish for.
You’re pregnant, Layla. You’re going to grow and expand to make room for the baby.
Your ankles and feet will become swollen.
So will your face. You’ll have a bevy of side effects you’re not going to like, and I’m going to be here every day to remind you I still find you ridiculously attractive.
Your body changing so it can grow my child is a flex, not something to be ashamed of. ”
She tipped her head back, groaning. “Ugh. You make it really difficult to have a mental breakdown with all your support and smart words.”
I smirked. “It’s okay, I do have some news that’ll give you a good excuse to get angry with me.”
“Oh?” She tilted an eyebrow.
I pressed my hand to the small of her back, ushering her to the sofa.
Once we sat down, I took her hands in mine.
Her face was painted in apprehension and worry.
I didn’t want to prolong the wait, knowing Layla was probably assuming the worst. Like that I was going to leave her to join a circus made entirely of my exes.
“I decided not to take the Mayo Clinic position.”
Layla’s eyes flared in horror, and she pulled her hands back from mine like they were on fire. “What?”
“I informed them this afternoon that I was staying in New York.” My throat worked around the admission. “I told them the truth. That I now have a partner and a baby on the way, and that leaving you behind, or even for the length of the work week, is not something I am willing to contemplate doing.”
Layla paled, the blood draining from her face. I had the acute feeling she was going to get the mental breakdown she’d so desired when I’d arrived home. She looked like she’d seen a ghost.
“No, Grant, you can’t do that.”
“I think I can.” I squinted, confused. “And I’m basing this on the evidence that I did.”
“You don’t understand.” She stood up swiftly, wiping her sweaty hands over her dress, pacing back and forth.
“You cannot give up your dream job for me. Can’t you see?
This will make me the Connor in our relationship.
You’ll be giving up a part of yourself, for me.
You can’t do that. You have to go. We’ll make it work.
You’ll be here every weekend. And once the baby’s immune system grows stronger, I’ll visit too.
We’re so good together—you said it yourself. We’ll make it through—”
“The decision has nothing to do with you,” I said, cutting her off.
“I mean, obviously, it has everything to do with you. I can’t stay away from you.
But I’m not doing it solely for you. I’m doing this for me.
For us. And, yes, for the two people who mean the most to me, even though they haven’t asked for it—you and George.
This has nothing to do with the way Connor treated you.
You lost the weight because Connor wanted you to.
You ended friendships because he made you do it.
You never asked me for anything. Not one thing, Layla.
” I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging it in frustration.
“Hell, you didn’t even take it for granted that I’d be a part of the baby’s life, or that I’d contribute to raising it financially.
Everything I’ve given you was out of my own free will.
You’re the opposite of your ex-boyfriend. And so am I.”
She stopped pacing and turned to look at me, the light dimming further in her blue eyes. “Even if that’s true, I cannot stomach the idea that you’ll be giving this up for us.”
“It was an easy decision to make.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you,” I confessed quietly.
“In love with you, as well. Because nothing brings me more happiness than spending time with you—yes, not even finding the cure to freaking cancer. Because I want to be here for all the moments. When George gets rid of the newborn scrunch, and when George teethes, and when George smiles for the first time, and when George sheds their newborn back hair, which Chase told me is a thing . . .”
“You love me?” She blinked, swallowing hard.
I stood up slowly, like she was a scared wilderness animal I was about to startle right onto a busy road. “Yes,” I said cautiously. “Yes, I love you. I thought it was pretty obvious from, you know, how whipped I am for you.”
She shook her head distractedly. “No. I, uhm, I knew you wanted me, and that you liked me, but I never dared to hope you were actually in love with me. I’m in love with you too.” She paused, her upper teeth scraping her lower lip. “Been in love with you for quite a while, I suspect.”
“You were?”
“Yes.”
“Then why didn’t you say anything?”
“You intimidated me. What with your overachieving ways and formidable height and six-pack and . . . and . . .” She gestured toward me. “General existence. You have to understand, Grant, you give serious if-he-wanted-to-he-would vibes.”
“Well, I wanted to.” I snorted. “I’ve been wanting to an entire damn decade, Layla. I was just waiting for you to play emotional catch-up with me so we could get to this moment.”
We stood in front of one another, but there was still an invisible line drawn between us. I didn’t know how to pass it. How to skip over, pull her into my arms, and kiss the living hell out of her.
“Can I ask you a question?” She nibbled on the side of her thumbnail.
“Anything.”
“Would you ever consider Uno reverse carding this arrangement so you can take the Mayo Clinic position?”
I frowned. “I’m not sure I’m following.”
“Well, if the issue of you having to stay in New York is just me and—let’s call the baby George purely for logistical reasons; it’s still not decided—then why don’t we join you there?”
My mouth slacked. “It’s too much for me to ask.”
“As you pointed out earlier—you didn’t. I offered.”
“I don’t want you to do anything if you think it’s too soon.” My heart was rioting inside my chest. I didn’t want to let myself hope.
“We’re having a baby.” She grinned. “I think we missed the taking-it-slow train.”
“What about your family? Your friends?”
She caressed her belly, mulling it over. “It will be hard at first, but I’d rather be next to you than with everyone else combined.”
“I’ll work crazy hours,” I said.
She smiled a little. “I’m used to spending a lot of time alone. I’m comfortable with it. Plus, I make friends ridiculously quickly.” Layla rolled her eyes in mock arrogancy.
“What about your career?” I asked.
Her face softened. “I love that you call it a career when everyone else calls it a job.”
I scowled. “Raising little humans and teaching them the basics of life is no less heroic than treating people for their illnesses.”
“Honestly? I’ve worked since I was twenty-one and never took a breather. Would it really be so bad to take a sabbatical? I don’t think so. An entire year just for me and George—again, name not final—seems like a good idea to reset and get into this role called motherhood.”
“Layla.” I grabbed her hands in mine, feeling full to the brim with this acute, vivid happiness that had a taste and a texture and a heartbeat. “Please tell me you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” She beamed.