Chapter 12
Twelve
Jitters
All of my tentative plans for the morning before the wedding—a walk through the wetlands, studying for the bar—are a lost cause.
It’s midmorning when I blink awake with a smile, wrapped up in Eris.
Like a koala, ze clings to my back, snoring into my hair.
Though still exhausted from our late night (we didn’t climb into the undefiled bed until long after midnight; I lost count of how many rounds because they all blurred together), there’s a few hours to spare before we should get ready for the ceremony.
I wake Eris with my lips on zis neck, and we use them with languid, sleepy pleasure.
Eris and I don’t talk about anything—what it all means, or what ze wants after this trip. Talking now might put a damper on the rest of the weekend, and I want to enjoy whatever it is we’ve found here instead of overthinking.
Sigurdsson’s campus is lovely in summer, smelling of sun-warmed cut grass.
The dignified stone buildings are quiet, slumbering giants without the hustle of students flowing through them.
Eris looks lovely, if a little tame, in a green cowl-neck dress.
Zis heels click against the pavement as we walk towards the chapel.
Along the way, I point out all of my favorite spots, like the bench under an old oak tree where Allie and I used to sit for hours, drinking tea and making up stories about the other students.
Allie and I are very similar, both so desperate to fit in that we hide our inner selves.
We clicked right away as roommates, but after that first awkward week of sizing up our fellow freshmen, she turned to me while we sat under that tree.
Her shit-eating grin hidden under a sweet smile, she asked, “If I say something really bitchy, do you promise you won’t judge me? ”
After that, we were bonded eternally. For her, as best friends. For me, also best friends, but one I pined over for years. Other than Matt, no one had ever appreciated my inner pettiness before.
As Eris and I walk across the quad at Sigurdsson, hand in hand, I can tell something is up.
The energy of the wedding-goers is off; the quick glances everyone exchanges are eager for gossip.
Jessica sees us but doesn’t approach, her sour expression heavy with suspicion.
Mrs. Jacobson looks frantic, her fake smile frayed as she whispers with the best man, one of Matt’s cousins.
After how loud Eris and I were last night, I hoped her reaction would be entertaining, but she’s too stressed to register my presence.
“What’s wrong?” I ask Mr. Jacobson, quick to hide his flask until he recognizes me.
Turning scarlet (making me burn with embarrassment, because I didn’t take his neighboring presence last night into consideration), he takes another quick pull before putting it away.
Matt’s father and I have never been friendly, but he’s never been as directly antagonistic as Mrs. Jacobson.
I think he always hoped I would just quietly disappear.
“Matt hasn’t been seen in a while,” he mutters. “Know anything about that?”
I shake my head, tightening my hand around Eris’s. “Haven’t heard from him since we left last night. Did he say where he was going?”
Mr. Jacobson shakes his head. “Said he was going to see Allie after the groom’s side photos were done, but he never made it to the bridal suite.”
Oh, Matt… He was acting strange yesterday, but I never imagined he would disappear from his own wedding, from Allie. I squeeze Eris’s hand to keep from wringing mine. “Where’s Allie? Is she okay?”
“She locked herself into the bridal suite once the bridal party photos were done, and hasn’t let anyone in.” Mr. Jacobson shrugs, gesturing toward the chapel basement. “I’m just staying out of the way.”
I drag Eris along behind me, anxious for my friends and desperate to reassure Allie that I have nothing to do with this. She might not believe me, especially after what her sister said last night, but I have to try.
I knock on the door that bears the bride’s name on a pink sign, surrounded by pink flowers. “Allie? It’s me. Can I come in?”
“Is there anyone with you?” comes Allie’s soft voice.
“It’s just me and Eris.”
The door unlocks surprisingly quickly. Allie, bundled in a white bathrobe, waves us into a classroom-turned-lounge. The skirt of her poofy princess wedding dress hangs in one corner. “Hurry up, before anyone else sees. Lock the door!”
“Are you okay? What’s going on?” I ask, pulling her into a hug. “You took your dress off?”
Eris locks the door behind zim, hanging back.
“Yeah, I’m great! That thing is just impossible to sit down in, so I just took the skirt off.” Allie ruffles my hair. “You’re such a worrywart!”
I tsk, sounding scarily like my mother. “Then why are you locking everyone else out? Where’s Matt?”
Allie snorts. “Oh, Matt is just giving me an excuse to be alone, so I can recharge before the ceremony. I’m so over having a wedding, and tired of smiling, and everyone fussing over me. We should have eloped!”
My groan makes Eris and Allie laugh. “Seriously? Everyone is panicking, and you intentionally caused all this drama?”
Allie shrugs, pouring out two glasses of champagne. “Everyone else has been causing us drama for months.” She hands one to Eris. “Eris, do you mind hanging out with me? I need to talk about something other than getting married, and I want to hear all about you.”
“Uh… Just Eris? What about me?” I ask.
“You, darling? You bring that to Matt,” Allie puts another open champagne bottle in my hand.
“He said you’d know where he is, and he wants to have a real conversation with you without his mom breathing down his neck.
I’d be right there with you, but if I leave this room, I leave the quiet, and if one more person touches me right now, I will scream! ”
While Allie makes herself comfortable on the couch, I exchange a look with Eris. “Do you mind?”
“Go for it.” Ze nods before turning to Allie with a smirk, finally stepping into the room to join Allie on the sofa. “Suelta el chisme on this bitch.”
Allie’s responding giggle is angelic, musical and wholly deceptive. “Te diré todo.”
“I don’t like this,” I mutter, letting myself out of the bridal suite. Ignoring the crowd upstairs, I slip out a side door to head towards the woods.
Matt was right; I do know where he is. It was our spot when I lived in the dorms. After finishing up on whatever job site his parents had him working at, he’d come visit me.
There’s a nature preserve on campus, and we’d hunker down in the duck blind.
Get high, fool around, and catch up with each other since we no longer lived next door.
Matt isn’t surprised to see me when I duck under the roof; he gives me a nod in greeting as I crouch to climb down into the blind.
The air is humid and dank, like wet leaves and weed, despite how airy the wooden observation hut is.
The reed-covered windows, paned with spiderwebs instead of glass, overlook the pond.
“Your suit is going to be filthy.” I hand him the bottle and sit next to him, not bothering to protect my own black three-piece suit from the grime.
He takes it, trading me for a lit joint, which explains the weed smell. “So’s yours. You look good, though.”
“Don’t let your mom hear you say that,” I tease, smoothing my vest down. “You good?”
Matt nods, taking a deep swig of the champagne. “Never better.”
“Really? Because you’re hiding in a duck blind with your ex, an hour before you’re supposed to get married, chugging champagne and smoking…something.” I take a puff. It’s familiar, but I can’t place the strain. “Pretty sure those are all red flags.”
“Just CBD. For the nerves.” Matt shrugs, taking another guzzle from the bottle, while I take a deeper hit on the joint to soothe my own anxiety. It’s got more skunk to it than CBD should have, but maybe I’m just a snob. He lets out a heavy sigh. “Blake, are you happy?”
I cough, panic shooting through me at the implication. “Dude, if there is any question you should not ask your ex an hour before your wedding, it’s that one.”
Matt smacks my arm and steals the joint back. “You’re not my ex.”
“I am definitely your ex.”
“Okay, you’re not just my ex.” He takes a quick drag. “You’re also my best friend, whom I love and adore eternally.”
“Again, weird thing to say to your ex right now, dude.” With a laugh, I take a long drink of the champagne, mostly to keep Matt from drinking the whole thing. The bubbles hurt my nose as I chug as much of it as I can. I belch. “Save that for your wife.”
“Trust me, Allie knows I love and adore her eternally, too.” Matt snorts.
“Are you happy?” I ask, already knowing the answer because I know him better than everyone does, except perhaps Allie.
He nods. “When everyone isn’t stressing Allie out, yeah. I didn’t realize this wedding would be such a big deal for everyone else. I just wanted us to have a good time, not have to manage everyone’s egos and hurt feelings.”
“Sorry, have you met your mom?” I tease. “I don’t know what you expected.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Matt rolls his eyes. That boyish grin with the gap between his teeth is as charming as ever. “So yeah, I guess I’m happy. We’re happy, and we’ll be happier once this is all over. I just… I just always thought it’d be you up there with me.”
I smack his arm with a dramatic gasp. “Matt! Again, things not to say to your ex!”
“Fuck off, that’s not what I meant!” Matt laughs.
“I meant as my best man, dipshit. Once things got serious between Allie and me, I knew she was it for me, and I was it for her. It wasn’t like that with you and me.
You never wanted to get married for one, but I always knew you were meant for more than this place, that you’d never be satisfied with the life that I could offer you. But Allie wants the same things I do.”
“What’s that?”