Epilogue #3
Thankfully, the hot himbo puppy dog and the secretly bitchy Barbie doll show up before Linda can ask me to elaborate, because I don’t really want to talk about prison abolition before we’ve even ordered drinks.
I’d been wondering how we would manage the inevitable hugs when Blake was already struggling getting into the booth, but Matt solves that problem by draping himself over Blake to plant a wet kiss on my cheek.
“Eris! You look gorgeous as ever! Love that color on you! How are you? Any new tattoos? I love your makeup!”
My face burns, because good lord, how did Blake ever leave this man behind?
He smells fabulously masculine, his shoulders are built like a fucking longhorn steer, and he’s such a damn flirt, with that crooked grin and freckled nose.
His face is way too close to be platonic as he rubs my cheek with his thumb.
“Get off of me!” Blake grumbles, trapped beneath Matt’s ribcage next to me.
Matt simply laughs and tucks Blake into a headlock, smooching the crown of their head in greeting. He clambers back out of the booth to let Allie sit next to Blake, who showers them in warm affection, too.
If Matt reminds me of a golden retriever, Allie reminds me of a barn cat: cute and sweet from a distance, but with sharp claws and teeth at the ready.
Her blonde hair is pulled back into a high pony, ample chest and curves on display in a light blue tank top.
She greets me with a knowing smirk over Blake’s shoulder as she hugs them.
Instead of a hello, I stick my tongue out at her. Just one look, and that weird, instant friendship we jumped feetfirst into over a bottle of champagne at the wedding is back. It feels like we’ve spent every day together for years, instead of a few hours together one day a month ago.
Blake never stood a fucking chance. I barely know these two and—not that I’m particularly inclined to polyamory or open relationships—if Blake ever wanted to have a foursome with their ex and their former crush, I would be down. They’re both good people, and incredibly attractive.
With the new additions to the group, the feeling of being so incredibly trapped builds as the conversation carries on around us.
I fight to relax as my fists clench my skirt.
On one side, Matt is rapid-firing questions to everyone at the table, and tossing compliments my way like grenades.
On the other, Linda is sharing her opinion about any subject Matt brings up, including the things he’s complimenting me on.
It’s almost worse that she agrees with him, because I never know how to take compliments.
Allie keeps smirking as if she knows how uncomfortable I am, and Michael is at the end of the table, ignoring us all in favor of his crossword.
Through it all, Blake is still uncannily blank.
Their eyes blink sometimes, and their jaw is tight, but other than that, there is no sign of my Bambi.
If we were at brunch, this is when I’d say something out of pocket, just to draw them out of their shell and annoy them.
But I don’t know what their mom would think of it.
Admittedly, our rapport does not look healthy on the surface.
Kelsey and Dream think it’s weird how mean Blake and I are to each other, but Stella and Adrienne get that it’s basically foreplay for us.
Instead, I make myself let go of the fabric balled up in my fist to take their hand again, pressing my thumb into their palm. “Uh…should we order?” I ask, gesturing to the sign on the table.
Blake nods solemnly, and scans the QR code. “Mom, you and Dad want a bottle of white?”
“Oh, is this one of those code places?” Linda scoffs. “I knew we were going downhill as a society when people stopped taking cash, but now they can’t even take our orders?”
“I like being able to scroll the menu,” Blake shrugs. “I’m sure if you want a server, we could ask for one.”
Linda waves a hand. “Well, no, I don’t want to be a bother. I just think the farther we get from a bartering economy, the unhappier we will be.”
“It is really weird to tip the drag queens with Venmo instead of bills,” I nod in agreement. “But that’s on me for never carrying cash anymore.”
Blake hisses quietly next to me, just a sharp intake of breath. My stomach sinks. How did I fuck up with that topic? I thought their parents would be fine with drag, considering their child is trans.
“Drag queens?” Linda’s frown is back. “Now there’s an interesting question! Eris, as a non-binary person, what are your thoughts on—”
“You’re going to drag brunch tomorrow morning, right?” Matt blurts out, his eyes wide as he exchanges a glance with Blake. “Could we come with you? Allie and I?” He smiles sympathetically at Linda. “I don’t know if it’d be your speed.”
Linda laughs mockingly. “Please, I’ve been to more drag shows than years you’ve been alive, young man! Back in the day, I was quite the hag.”
“Mom!” Blake’s face is beet red; they look like they’re about to slide under the table in embarrassment. “You’re not allowed to say that!”
I lose my composure, cracking up despite my best efforts to behave. All of this is so ridiculous. Why the fuck was I expecting their parents to be so proper and polite?
“What?” Linda waves a hand. “See? Eris thinks it’s funny!”
I just laugh harder when Blake glares at me.
“Eris has a really twisted sense of humor, Linda,” Allie explains. “I wouldn’t rely on zim finding something funny as a good metric.”
“Bitch!” I mouth at her behind my hand, my shoulders still shaking.
Smug, Allie smirks back at me, a silent, “Takes one to know one.”
“So, yeah, we can come to brunch with you in the morning?” Matt prompts.
“I can ask if we can add to the reservation,” I say, since Blake is in shrimp-mode next to me in the booth, face buried in their phone under the guise of ordering food for everyone. I lean towards Linda, hoping she’ll say no, but asking anyway, to be polite. “Do you want to come?”
“I assume it’ll be loud?” Linda asks, glancing at Michael next to her.
I nod. “Very. And it’s outside, so it’ll be hot, too.”
Waving her hand again in that vague dismissal, Linda shakes her head. “We’ll just meet you for a late lunch then!”
I send a quick text to Dream, who immediately responds that she will bribe the host tomorrow as much as it takes to make room for “Blake’s fool of an ex and the man-stealing best friend,” because she and Kelsey have been dying of curiosity to meet them.
“So…anything you’re looking forward to seeing while you’re here?” I ask Linda, hoping that simple question doesn’t turn into a philosophical debate. The polite question feels flat and fake. From the weird looks Matt and Allie are giving me, it sounded that way too.
The Ryans, Blake included, don’t seem to have noticed.
“Anything my baby wants us to see!” Linda beams proudly at Blake, who groans and sinks deeper into the booth.
Sometimes I forget Blake is younger than me; it’s validating that they have their immature moments too.
“But Michael wanted to go to the natural history museum, so we might do that while you’re having brunch. ”
“We could meet you there after?” It feels so weird, being the nice one at the table, instead of the surly jackass judging everyone from the sidelines with a snarky comment from time to time.
I don’t like it. But Blake is still looking weird and blank, and everyone else here is technically their guest. This is what partners do, right?
Act like a host, or whatever? “We could walk along the lakefront, and there’s a tapas place with a patio overlooking the pier we could go to for lunch. ”
“That sounds perfect!” Allie chimes in.
“Perfect, the plan is settled!” Linda nods with a bright hum. “So, Eris, how much career stability and growth potential do you see in the cannabis industry, given that it’s such a young and heavily regulated industry?”
A pang of annoyance burns inside me, and I do my best to swallow it. Linda is definitely a professor, answering every question while she’s asking it.
“Linda, that’s a leading question!” Allie teases.
She’s so good at correcting people, while keeping up that sweet facade.
Matt looks on, hanging on his wife’s every word with a proud, affectionate smile, and zero thoughts inside that pretty head.
“Maybe a better question to ask would be, ‘Where do you see your career going?’”
“That’s not what I asked, though, is it?
” Linda rolls her eyes. “That’s a boring job interview question.
I don’t want a boring job interview answer.
I want Eris’s insider expertise on where he-” Linda pauses as she corrects herself on the pronoun, “ze sees the industry going, given the risk and industry fragility.”
“You want my honest answer?” I challenge. If Linda doesn’t want a job interview answer, I’ll give her the real one. The nonchalant jackass answer, instead of the charming response I probably should give.
Blake puts their phone down next to me with a quiet sigh.
I pat their thigh under the table, hoping it’s reassuring, but not really caring.
Blake might wear a mask around their parents, but I don’t want to.
While I could, it’s uncomfortable. I can be less abrasive without faking politeness.
I am with everyone else who has made it past the repulsive exterior, why not Blake’s parents?
Blake looks over at me expectantly, but they show no hint of disapproval or encouragement behind their mask.
My only clue that they won’t be upset is the hand that softly touches my “And I say fuck it!” tattoo on my forearm.
With a frown, Linda nods for me to continue.