CHAPTER ELEVEN
T O SAY I DIDN'T SLEEP well is an understatement. Between feeling like I’m being watched and not used to sleeping around so many others, I haven’t been getting much rest, and it’s starting to take a bit of a toll. Especially because every morning I rise before the others to make use of the showers before everyone else begins their day, preferring to keep my scars to myself and not risk others catching me when I’m vulnerable. Most of them prefer to shower at night, opting to sleep in as much as they can instead. Today is just the same as the other days but I’m determined to make sure my friendship with Rozen and Ember stays superficial. I’ll accept their help for combat training, but if I’m going to be leaving at the end of the year, successfully making myself a traitor, then I can’t compromise them.
With soft steps, I quickly grab my things and the bar of soap I’ve kept stashed away, and make my way down to the showers. By the time I get back to my chambers, Nero is keeping a watchful eye out from atop his perch. The only fae he trusts in this room are Rozen and Ember, and even that’s tenuous.
Evera checks my shoulder and I drop the threadbare tunic and cotton pants I’ve been using to sleep in, and the soap I stole skitters across the floor.
“Watch where you’re going, null,” she seethes, kicking my soap under Bracken’s bed.
I swiftly pick up my things as she exits the room, Cadet Spade, Amos and Hayes following her out, laughing. So much for squads working together through this shit-show. Nero flies over to the bed and waddles underneath to push out my soap for me.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
He hops forward. “ You don’t need to thank me for that. That bitch has it coming. Please tell me we can take her out before we leave? Cresida too? ”
A chuckle escapes me. “ Well, we are going to be public enemy number one of Phixmery and possibly all of Damorleia anyway. I don’t see why not. ”
His excitement through our bond is contagious, and I can’t help another little giggle.
“What’s so funny?” A deep voice asks from behind me.
I jump to my feet and spin around to see Cadet Adair staring at me with narrowed neon-blue eyes. His long pale hair with blue tips is tied back, making his face more severe, sharper. He crosses his arms, glancing between Nero, who flutters up onto my shoulder, and me.
“Just having a conversation with Nero,” I state. It’s strange not having to hide the fact that I can communicate with him, but even despite that, they are still wary of him.
He scoffs. “Sure you are. Evera said you were delusional, I just didn’t believe it until now. You mean to tell me that you and the bird actually have conversations?”
Rozen jumps across the bed and comes to my rescue. His arm perches across my shoulders, being careful not to touch Nero. “Hell yeah she does. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I would take what Evera and her group say with a grain of salt, or just don’t listen at all.” He leans in and whispers. “Nero has been known to threaten to scratch out eyeballs if they piss off his fae, so I’d be careful if I were you.”
Adair takes a step back. “Noted, well… I’ll see you in the dining hall for breakfast.” He spins on his heel and heads for the door, but not before throwing Nero and I a strange look.
Nero chuffs. “ I like this one. ” He flaps twice and lands on Rozen’s shoulder who now looks like he’s about to piss himself. “ Tell him he may pet me. ”
I choke on my laugh. “He says you can pet him.”
Rozen nervously brings his fingers up and strokes his feathers, but after three strokes Nero flies back to me.
“ Three strokes was more than enough, male. ” He then caws at him, who is staring at Nero wide-eyed.
Ember takes that moment to join us. “Are you guys ready? I’m starving.”
“He let me touch him,” Rozen whispers in awe. “He’s so soft.”
“ And I’m never letting him do it again. He just made it weird. Can we go now? I want some berries ,” Nero states, nipping my ear.
I smother a laugh. “Yeah, I just need to put some stuff away.” I hold up the stuff from my shower. “I’ll meet you down there.”
She nods and drags Rozen out of the room as I head over to my cupboard, depositing my items in my bag, noticing it’s quite full and I’ll need to do laundry soon. Once everything is put away and I’ve grabbed all that I need, I head down slowly after the others.
Talking and doing things with Ember and Rozen is different. Not having friends since, well, before living in Shalo, it’s been really lonely. It’s selfish of me to want to continue these friendships. Why is this so hard?
Nero feels my distress and nuzzles my cheek. “ Everything’s better with food. Let’s just focus on food and lessons. Worry about everything else later. ”
“You’re right,” I sigh and quicken my pace. Maybe some food will help me think better, but that’s probably just wishful thinking. I’m scatterbrained enough as it is.
We arrive in the dining hall and I glance around quickly, looking for my squad as I grab a tray and head towards the delicious-smelling food. It looks like only half of us are down here right now. Thankfully no Evera and group yet. Making quick work of filling my tray, I thank the servers and grab some extra berries for Nero.
Just as I sit down, someone runs into the hall, making the doors slam against the stone wall. The hall falls silent as they rush over to the officers’ table, handing Major General Rune a parchment. I’m not sure why, but the hair on the back of my neck raises as his face darkens.
After a moment Rune nods and whispers something to the male, who then takes off just as quickly. The hall resumes its quiet chatter as more fae begin to fill the expansive space. Nero and I scarf down our food trying to ignore the look on Rune’s face as he read whatever was on that parchment.
“I’ll meet you guys there,” I state to Rozen and Ember. Without waiting for their reply I make a hasty exit to get ready for combat class, just wanting to have a few moments to myself before the day begins.
I get out to the training yard and Nero takes the opportunity to stretch his wings, making sure he stays close by so we don’t have a repeat of yesterday. Well, we might, but hopefully I won’t be knocked unconscious.
Last night, Ember and Rozen helped me get some basic techniques down, mostly just staying on my feet and dodging, but at least it’s more knowledge than I had before. I thought they would be frustrated with helping me, but if anything they seemed to have enjoyed it. Even Nero joined in, happy to try to distract them when we started sparring, swooping in and out of their line of sight. Ember said I should use him to my advantage outside of lessons, because in the real world, one small thing can turn the tide in a battle.
Breathing in the cold morning air, I sigh, watching Nero as he soars through the sky. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to fly free like that, to glide through the air with nothing but the wind and clouds as my company. But my feet will always, unfortunately, stay planted firmly on the ground. A female can dream, though.
I’m aware of the rest of my squad lining up next to me, but this wintry morning brings me a type of peace that reminds me of the forests in the Gratandi Mountains near Shalo, where I used to watch him fly just to get away from everything.
“Squad Four—with us.” Craven’s voice cuts through my peace like a blade, dragging me back to reality.
Silently we follow, nothing but the sounds of our boots hitting the frozen ground and the clanging of blades in the distance as others begin sparring. We file into two lines of five in front of Sergeant Craven, awaiting to see what kind of training we are going to be put through today.
He paces in front of us, his broad shoulders stiff as he searches our faces. “Today you are going to do your laps, push-ups and whatever the hell else I want you to do for a warm up. And then you will be pairing up while we teach you hand-to-hand. Tomorrow we will not be here, but Major General Rune will inform us if you are slacking off.”
“Why won’t you be here?” Evera whines, cutting him off.
He glares at her for a moment before continuing. “They need help on the front, and we are doing our duty to assist. Now, ten laps around the training yard, and because Cadet Gannon spoke out of turn, you all are on dish duty for the week.”
Why would they need trainees from Phixmery? From what I’ve learned being here, Vathia and the rest of Damorleia have been at a stalemate for as long as the war has begun, getting no further than the Wraithwater Channel. Unless something has changed, I don’t understand why they would be heading to the battlefield.
Ember nudges my shoulder and gets me moving as we start off at a light jog, conserving our energy as much as possible.
We fall into a comfortable silence, no sound but our heavy breaths and boots hitting the ground. With every huff, the air becomes visible in front of me, the cold air making it hard to bring in oxygen, but it’s refreshing as it is sharp.
At least tomorrow, we won’t have to worry about sparring. Rune will most likely make us run drills until our feet fall off. But I can’t help the odd pang of worry for Craven’s wing heading to do fate knows what. I shake my head—no, those lines of thought will lead you down a path we cannot follow.
Stretching my arms so they rest on my head, I try to slow my breathing as I finish our last lap—last. My stamina is shit, but thankfully it has improved since being here, especially with consistently having three meals a day.
Everyone is already paired off, which is strange because they shouldn’t be able to make an even number without me. I notice some of the others in Craven’s wing are working with a few of the worse-off fae: the ones who didn’t win their match yesterday. Which should include me, so I start heading over that way.
Sergeant Verlice strides over to me, stopping my progression to the group with a crooked grin and a glint in his eye. “Cadet Solace, you’re with me today. Let’s go,” he sings as he moves past me, positioning us a bit further from the others.
He turns towards me, his mismatched green eyes raking down my frame in a way that makes my blood heat. I can’t help but stare at the scar that goes through his eyebrow, down the opaque eye and onto his cheek. The misty eye eerily moves with the other one, like it can still see, and maybe it can, it’s hard to tell. How did he get that? Fae don’t scar easily unless it’s iron. The rest of my thoughts flee as he moves towards me, circling me, and it takes everything in me not to snap at him. What the fates is with the theatrics?
“You have no muscle; you’re tiny, even by female standards. How the hell are you alive?” he murmurs. A calculating glint enters his gaze as he tilts his head. “It makes no sense.”
I bare my teeth at him. “What makes no sense? I thought we’re supposed to train. I’m not here for you to gawk at,” I snap, holding in my wince when I realized I just talked back to a superior.
He blinks at me before his eyes narrow. “You will do whatever I fates-damned expect of you, Cadet. You’re pathetic and wouldn’t last a minute on the front lines. Drop and give me forty, and then the fun will really begin, Little Mouse,” he grins.
With a huff I drop to my knees before beginning my set. Fucking power-tripping males.
Nero lands on the ground next to me. “ Need me to take him out? Just say the word, Rav, and he’ll be blind in both eyes. ”
I smother a laugh as I lower to the ground before pushing up again. “ It’s not worth it,.I don’t need us getting our squad into trouble. We really need to get to the library tonight and we are already on dish duty, ” I remind him, cursing Evera.
When I finish my set, I push up off the ground back onto my knees, but before I can rise up onto my feet, he kicks me over.
“Always be prepared for an attack. If you’re on the ground, you’re already dead out there,” he sneers.
I feel a pressure in my head and shake it off as I get to my feet and take a step away, assuming a defensive stance that Ember drilled into my head last night.
“Hmm, there may be hope for you yet.”
The rest of the lesson goes on about the same way: me on the ground in front of him, which has him grinning with a darkened edge in his gaze. Every time I think I manage to evade his hits, he comes at me from a different angle. I feel like I’m being toyed with. Nero has even flown at his head a few times, and that was the only time I even got a hit in, if you can call it that. My strikes do nothing; he doesn’t even grunt.
My hand subconsciously scratches my stomach, the burning sensation back with a vengeance. At this point I think I’m convinced I’m allergic to physical activity.
“Is that all you got, Little Mouse? Your damn bird is doing better than you are. Maybe you are nothing but a pathetic little null.”
White hot anger courses through my body and I react without thinking, throwing my clenched fist up towards his jaw with a bellow to go with it. His head snaps back and he glances at me with shock. His astonishment and lust seep through the air like a mountain fog in the spring.
He moves quicker than I expected, leaning down into my face, his nose running along the length of my cheek, causing me to shiver with unfamiliar heat unfurling in my stomach. “Maybe you got what it takes to be here, but you’ll never be a rider. Channel that frustration into keeping yourself alive,” he murmurs.
Just as I go to respond, Craven calls for the end of the lesson and Verlice winks before sauntering off to join his wing.
My head pounds and my body aches. I didn’t know it was possible to be frustrated in more than one way, but somehow Verlice managed to piss me off while my body doesn’t get the memo. What is wrong with me? Am I that damaged that taking a beating is what does it for me? All I know is that I better become a proficient fighter and fast, because these one-on-one lessons are going to be the death of me.
I felt my magick flare with that last hit, and that loss of control can’t happen again. My fist flexes as I try to shake out the pain. All I know is that Captain Verlice will ruin me if I can’t get it together.