CHAPTER SIXTEEN
M Y HAND STINGS AS I wash it under the warm spray of the shower. How did I not see that rock there? The deep gash in my hand pulses with a sharp, aching pain. I was just trying to find a spot to work out at night, to become stronger without anyone seeing the mess that I am—somewhere I can practice the full extent of my magick and not have to worry about being walked in on. Then I can move the little stash of dried food I’ve been collecting to this place, wherever it may be, for safekeeping, instead of storing it in the long-forgotten servant tunnel near the dungeon. After a bit of searching I found another path that leads there.
There’s also the other reason I’ve been searching the castle these last few moon cycles—to see about finding a way out of the castle with no one knowing. I think I came close this morning before seeing something that shouldn’t be here, something I vaguely remember hearing my parents talking about.
The empty void feeling fills me again and I now understand why. There’s a vessel containing some type of cursed magick down there that isn’t supposed to be here, and I’m going to have to figure out what to do with it. Whoever is keeping it down here, they’re treacherous or stupid. My mind drifts to the fourth year wing, but I don’t think it could possibly be them, although I’ve been mistaken about simpler things before. Whoever hid that down there has power and influence. It’s probably just down there for safe keeping anyway, but still, in the wrong hands it could be catastrophic.
I wish I could remember more of my childhood before moving to Shalo. I’ve blocked those memories out of sheer necessity and to avoid breaking my heart even further. But even if I did remember, who’s to say that my parents had any conversations of that much importance around me? I mean why would they? I was a child, meant to be playing with friends in the courtyard when they came to visit, not discussing things of the realm. The only reason I know what is hidden down there under the castle is because it’s something I’ve been taught about from a young age, barring the details. It seems this small piece of information was drilled into me, coming to the surface of my mind without any issues. I was always just told it was a curse and the fates’ blessings. Either way, I’m going to need to take it with me when I go, if I can find a safe way to get it out of here. I just can’t leave it in a place like this where it’s obvious nobody knows the danger in their midst. Though, even knowing it’s a danger, I don’t know why or even what it is. Stupid repressed memories.
Going through the motions of finishing up my shower and going to breakfast, I feel stuck in my head about everything. Is this why she didn’t want me to come back? To stay away? Was it because of that damn object that they died? But no, that wouldn’t be right because I would see the signs of its magick, I would have at least heard about it… right? No, it’s impossible. It’s probably just stored there, long forgotten about; and if that’s the case, no one will have to worry about the consequences of it.
“Rav?”
Someone nudges my shoulder, jerking me out of my head and making me jump an inch out of my seat. I really do need to work on paying more attention and save the musing for my dreamland. Which I haven’t been able to get back to since my dream dragon spoke to me for the first time.
I turn and give Ember my full attention. “Yes?”
Unfortunately, trying to distance myself from these two just hasn’t been working out like I thought. If anything, we’ve managed to grow closer, mostly because they keep Bracken away from me, which I’ve been told is just something friends do for each other. That male gives me nothing but sad eyes while staying in the company of Cresida and Evera. There’s so many other fae he could be friendly with; if he truly liked me like he said, then he wouldn’t be hanging out with my tormentors.
“I was asking if we’re still on for training tonight? You’re getting better, but I don’t want you slacking off now,” she states, a frown pulling at her lips as she searches my face. “You weren’t in bed last night,” she whispers.
My heart freezes before it slowly starts up again. “Yeah we are good for tonight,” I tell her, pretending I didn’t hear the rest of what she said and digging into my food.
She leans in closer. “I waited up for you to make sure you came back okay, even went down to the bathroom to check. You were nowhere to be found. You know you can trust me, right? Both of us.” She jerks her chin in Roz’s direction.
I plop a berry in my mouth, feeding one to Nero as well as I mull over what to say to her. Can I trust her with this? If her shields aren’t strong enough, it would just take one mentalist to pry into her mind to know what I’ve been up to. Gretchen trained me for years to use a mental block, but I’m not sure others went through the same process. And if she somehow puts together that I want to escape Phixmery after the first year is done, I’m done for.
“I’ll tell you when I can,” I reply. Maybe I should take them with me. It would be less lonely to have them by my side, but it would be selfish of me to do that to them. I’m going to need to figure out some sort of plausible excuse to tell them.
Rozen leans in on my other side. “Is it a male?” he wags his crimson brows at me.
It takes a moment for his words to sink in and I feel my cheeks flame. I shake my head calmly, unlike the beat of my heart which is pounding, but then I pause. Sneaking out to meet up with a male would be a good excuse. So I raise my shoulders until they meet my pointed ears and give him a playful smirk.
He gasps dramatically. “Who?” He begins glancing around at the other tables.
Ember leans around and punches his arm. “Leave her be. She will tell us when she’s ready to.”
I smile at her, grateful for her saving me from Rozen’s exuberance. She nods back before digging back into her meal, while the others in our squad speak quietly around us. I glance around the table and see Evera scowling at me and Bracken peering between Roz, Ember and me with a puzzled and anguished expression.
Fuck, I really hope they didn’t hear that. Knowing my luck they’re going to think it’s Craven.
“SQUAD FOUR, FORM up!” Sergeant Verlice snaps with a maniacal grin, his gaze lingering on me like he’s ready to pry into my soul and rip my secrets from me whether I want it or not.
His eyes keep darting down to my injured hand from this morning and I can’t help but want to tuck it away behind me.
Craven nods for him to step back before assessing us. “In two moon cycles you will be facing your next trial. It will be discussed more within your wilderness lessons, but we will be teaching you about certain scenarios, dealing with the creatures in the woods and how to survive their attacks to be more exact, starting next week. The chances of some of you surviving are slim.” His golden eyes land on me. “Only a third of your year will survive. And then only a third of you who make it through The Choosing will move on to be fully-fledged and respected members of the Damorleia Military.”
Adair raises his hand. “Why do only a third make it through The Choosing, Sergeant?” he asks when Craven nods at him to go ahead.
“Because most of you are stupid enough to think you have what it takes to be a rider, be it a gryphon or dragon. Now warm up and pair up for sparring. Halfway through the lesson we are going to the sandpit. Let’s see how much you have improved.”
I break off into a sprint, eager to get away from their prying eyes. I make it almost to the training yard wall when I’m hit from the side and go flying into the ground. Without wasting a breath, I hop up to my feet ready to get into it with whoever did that when Nero comes soaring down from his perch atop the wall, talons first, and begins clawing the crap out of Evera’s flawless skin.
“Get your demon bird off of me!” she screeches as she aims for her fire starter.
I take a step towards them. “ Nero! Enough! ”
He retreats and lands on my shoulder, his anger feeding my own. Was she seriously about to set him on fire?
His feathers are still puffed up as he attempts to shake them out. “ She knew what she was doing when she shoved you into the ground. It was no accident, and I’m not standing by and watching you get hurt. I may not be able to do anything while you’re sparring, but this? I’ll take her damn eyeballs as payment,” he caws.
“What in the fuck is going on here, Cadet Solace?” Craven snaps, glancing between his mate, me and Nero.
My mouth opens to speak but she begins crying and pointing to her face. “I was just trying to pass her when her bird came out of nowhere and attacked me. It should be put down!”
My limbs move before my brain can even process what she said, let alone a response. But before I can get five feet from her, an arm wraps around my waist and pulls me back.
“Her bird is protective of her; he is her familiar after all. We know that you two don’t get along. Maybe it picked up on that,” a voice by my ear says.
I push out of his grasp and turn around to see it was Bracken who stopped me from mauling the bitch. My gaze narrows on him with annoyance, wishing he would just take the hint and leave me alone, before I turn back to the Sergeant. “She shoved me into the snow and Nero reacted. We are bonded; he’s going to protect me. No one will be putting him down.” I state firmly, glaring at Cadet Gannon.
“Maybe you should have been paying more attention to your surroundings, Cadet. You both have caused your squad another week on dish duty. Now finish your laps—I don’t have all fucking day to be managing children.”
“I’m not a child, Talyn. I’m twenty-six and to be your female, mate,” she snaps at him.
He spins ever so slowly towards her. “You’re acting like a fledgling. Run!”
I take off, not wanting to stick around for whatever conversation is about to happen. It’s none of my business what the alpha-hole Sergeant does with his—I gag. Nope, I can’t even say the word. Something inside me stirs with annoyance and envy. Who am I kidding? Those two vile beings belong with each other.
Nero flies by my head. “ I’m sorry I got you into more trouble, Rav. Are you okay? ”
A humorless chuckle puffs visibly into the air. “ No, you’re not. You’re just excited for all the snacks you’re going to be getting. But yeah, I’m fine. Pissed off. I’ve never done anything to the female. The assumptions are all on her side, and from listening to whatever bullshit Cresida goes on about. ”
Cresida’s and our Squads have been working a lot together lately, and it’s been fine, other than the seething glares, whispers and laughs, which I can handle. Beating me during sparring or shoving me down—I can handle that. Going after Nero? I will burn this whole damn castle to the ground to make sure nothing happens to him.
“ They won’t do anything to me, Rav. It will be okay— ”
My arms pump as I push myself harder to run faster. “ What if it’s not okay? What if we don’t get out of here alive? I just want to live away from everyone in a cute little cottage somewhere where no one will ever find us and live out the rest of our long lives. After everything we’ve been through, we deserve a bit of happiness too, Nero .”
He’s silent for a moment before pushing all his love at me. “ Yes we do. ”
DURING THE ENTIRETY of sparring with Craven, I made sure to never let him out of my sight. I’ve been practicing being more aware of my surroundings, but sometimes I get so deep in my head, and that is dangerous. Nero and I have been working on a solution: when he’s noticed my straying thoughts, nipping my ear. It’s simple, yet efficient. It’s been working so far, but some days are definitely worse than others.
Today Craven offered me no words of advice but kept glancing at my injured hand like something about it bothered him. He’s never reacted to my injuries before—in fact he’s been extremely indifferent about them. He seems more attentive. In fact all three of them do. Even the rest of the wing and squad have noticed his staring and it’s making me uncomfortable—because some deep, forbidden part of me enjoys it. But it can never happen, for multiple reasons. One: he’s taken by a female who already thinks I’m trying to steal her male. Two: I can’t trust anyone, not with my past and definitely not with my future. And three: If I was interested—which I’m not—I can’t have all of them.
I’m destined to be alone, and I’ve made my peace with it. I’m fine with it.
“Alright, everyone to the sand pit!” Craven suddenly yells, ending our match without a word and moving to join his wing as we all hurry across the training yard. Once everyone is gathered around, he bellows, “Cadets Levine and Yearwood, you’re first. Powers are acceptable; causing the death of your squad member is not. Go.”
Bracken and Ember enter the pit and nod to each other before she dashes across to him, the sand kicking up behind her feet. He crouches into a defensive position and the moment she’s within grabbing distance, he grabs her tunic and hoists her into the air, intending on slamming her into the ground. But as she’s going up, she twists, kicking him in the throat. He drops her, but like a feline, she lands gracefully on her feet, throwing her fist precisely where she needs to knock him out.
She is barely panting as she makes her way back over to Roz and me. The former is watching her like it wasn’t the fates who hung the moon, but Ember herself. It’s kind of adorable.
We watch the pairings, my blood pounding with nerves and maybe even a bit of excitement as I wait to be called on. Rozen faces Cadet Hayes, but loses due to a hallucination he conjured that made him seem like he was falling forever down the top of a mountain into an endless void. He wasn’t quick enough with his own mentalist magick. His voice is now rough from screaming. I have to admit, Ember and I did have a good laugh about it and then watched on as he got reamed out on keeping his shields up.
“Solace and Ellis, in the sands, let’s go!” Craven yells.
“Good luck,” Ember whispers while Roz pats me on the shoulder and gives me two thumbs up before rubbing his throat again.
Gregor’s yellow eyes track me as I move into the ring while he fixes the tie holding back his raven hair. All I know about him is that he’s Vopn Fo; their magick literally makes them better fighters—I’m fucking screwed. I know Craven did this on purpose. Especially because Gregor is known for his anger issues, much like Sergeant Driscol.
“ Don’t forget you have fire, Rav, ” Nero bellows, and that’s when I notice him flying above me again. “ So use it! You won’t get any respect from these males if you don’t start showing them what a damn badass you are! ”
Right, I’m a badass. I can use my fire. I take a breath and wait for Craven’s signal to begin.
“Fight!”
Gregor charges at me and I strike my fire starter, gathering the spark in my hands and expanding it before creating a wall between us. He stumbles to a stop before growling in frustration. I use the flames already available and begin flinging them through the wall which he easily dodges before doing something I don’t expect and jumping through the flames towards me.
He throws a series of jabs, and I manage to avoid two before the third catches my cheek. I crouch and spin out, attempting to do a move Ember has been trying to teach me and take him out at the ankles, hoping to bring him down to my size. He stumbles and I take the opening to throw a fist towards his nose when he catches my hand. Acting with my reactions, I summon the flames that are still alight on the sand and blast him off of me. His tunic sizzles as he flies back. He drops back first into the sand and rolls to try and put out the fire coating the front of him.
I raise my hands to blast him with more flames when he moves so quickly with a tackle to my waist that he takes me to the ground with him, and just as he’s about to knock me out, “I tap!” I breathe, holding my palms towards him, but he doesn’t hear me, or doesn’t care, and I know it’s lights out again.
A wind gust blasts him off of me and Craven stands off to the side, looking at me with something akin to respect and suspicion. “It’s about time you figured out when you’re beaten. Stay down. Lesson dismissed.”
My head hits the sand. I’ve improved, but I need to be better. I have to be.