CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
N OTHING. There’s nothing we can do to get into the restricted part of the library. We’ve tried everything—it seems to be specifically keyed to the librarian’s touch, and short of cutting off her hand—which Nero is all for—I’m not sure what to do. It’s been weeks spent pointlessly in the library with Bracken practically up my ass for no reason. And let me tell you, that male is grating on my nerves. He makes my skin crawl, and the rest of our little group has noticed, too, always making sure we aren’t alone together. But because of that, I haven’t been sleeping much, feeling the weight of his stare as I lay in bed. Rozen and Lennox have taken it out on him during combat, although I’m sure he realizes I’m the reason they’re so relentless with him.
I lay there, unable to fully rest, drifting but not being able to put my guard down. It feels like I’m back in Shalo, always being watched, never being offered any privacy outside of my decrepit shed that had no lock. I’m more irritable than usual as well.
“ Rav, try to get some rest. I’ll keep a watch out and wake you if he steps foot out of his bed, I promise, ” he begs, feeling the brunt of my exhaustion.
My head shakes back and forth as I curl into a ball, fighting back tears of frustration. This isn’t me. I’m not some weak pathetic female, no matter what Wing One thinks. “ I think I’m going to go for a shower. I need to relax and no one should be down there at this time. ” It’s about an hour after curfew. Most of the academy is asleep, preparing for another day of brutal training.
“ Do you want me to come with you? ”
I shake my head again. “ No, but if he tries anything, wake the others. I won’t be long, I just need to do this. Maybe it will help me sleep .”
His reluctance to let me go alone is like a tower bell ringing next to my head, but I send—well attempt to send—soothing thoughts down our connection back to him.
He settles slightly. “ Fine, but the second his breathing even changes slightly, I’m waking them all up. You’ve been through enough shit in your life, Rav. You don’t need to be sleep-deprived because of him too. ”
My forehead rests against his much smaller one before I kiss his feathered head and slowly grab my things, tip-toeing out of our squad chambers. With a sigh of relief, the anxious feeling subsiding now that I’m not in the same room as him, and I tread softly down the stairs to the showers.
The moment I push open the door, I’m greeted by a silent space, the smell of soap and dampness clinging to the air still from all the nightly showers the other year ones have taken. Heading to the first stall, I grab two towels on the way, before sliding the locking mechanism into the groove of the wall.
With a practiced routine I strip, hang my threadbare clothing from Shalo I use as sleepwear on the hook, and then do the same with the towels. I pull the chain to start the water, letting it heat up slightly before stepping under the steady stream pouring out from the ceiling.
Suddenly the water cuts out and I pull the cord again, but nothing happens. So I wait just a moment before yanking on it. Nothing. Tears pool in my eyes and I want nothing more than to go home, and for one weak moment I let myself revel in those moments from my past that I remember: running through the expansive gardens with faceless fae children I don’t have any true recollection of, and my fathers calling us in for dinner on a balcony that looks over a beautiful blossoming city. I let myself miss a life that will never happen before wiping the tears that had fallen and trying the cord again.
The water begins to pour out faster, the temperature rising until it’s scorching my skin. I pull the chain to turn it off but it doesn’t work—the blistering water continues to pour rapidly, turning my skin an awful shade of red. But before the burns can worsen, I slip trying to get out of the molten water.
Laughter sounds on the other side of my door as it gets kicked in to reveal Cresida and Evera standing there, fire striker and water canteen in hand.
“Wow, I thought you were ugly before, but the fates must hate you. No one is going to want you looking like that,” Evera sneers as her eyes rake over my naked form trembling on the floor.
Cresida giggles. “I told you, she enjoyed being chained up and whipped. Father said it was the sign of a good whore. He had plans for her before Ashbluff came and whisked her off to Phixmery. Such a shame.”
“W-what t-the fuck d-do you w-want?” I chatter through my clenched jaw, trying to cover myself with my arms, which is pointless but makes me feel slightly more protected. I don’t have my fire starter on me and I can’t touch my other elements without them getting suspicious and possibly telling Wing One who already knows something they shouldn’t. We’ve all been so careful.
I’ve been through worse. I’ll get through this.
“W-what t-the fuck—” She mocks. “We couldn’t help but stop in and say hello. We just got back from visiting with Talyn and Jesper and figured we would remind you that no matter how hard you try, pretending to be pathetic so you can have one-on-one time with them in training isn’t going to work. You will never have them.”
I scoff. “So am I weak and pathetic or only pretending? Please make up your mind, you’re giving me whiplash. Let me remind you, I’m not interested in them. Also if you don’t mind, I would like to finish my shower and go to bed.” I rise to my feet, pretending that them seeing my body littered in scars doesn’t bother me, and I reach for my towels, wanting something to protect me from their scheming gazes.
As my hand grazes the soft linen, a flame torches them, setting them ablaze and turning them to ash which settles into dark gray goop as it mixes with the water on the floor. My heart thunders, and I blink back the tears that threaten to fall, not because of sadness but because of unrefined rage.
I turn on them, too angry to bother to cover myself, nothing but my necklace and scars to cover my naked flesh. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you honestly so insecure that you lower yourself to petty bullying to someone who has literally done nothing to you?” Panic and rage fight for dominance as my chest heaves with emotion.
They ignore me. “Hey Cres, don’t you think we should take her ear tips as payback?” her sickly sweet voice asks as she pulls out a small iron blade.
Bile builds in the back of my throat. Like hell am I letting them touch me with that.
Cresida charges me, grabbing me by my long, deep mahogany locks and slamming me into the wall. I kick back, clipping her in the knee, hearing her call out in pain before I throw my head back, hearing a sickening crunch as her nose shatters under the weight of my head.
“Hold her still,” I hear Evera snap as Cresida and I grapple.
Not a moment later, water is pouring down my throat. I let go, clawing my throat, my vision starting to blur with the lack of oxygen. Something cold and sharp touches my ear, and it instantly begins to burn. I fight with everything I have, kicking and gurgling as water flows in and out, barely letting me gasp a breath, when the bathroom door slams open and everything comes to a halt.
I roll onto my side, gasping and sputtering, ignoring the burning and warmth dipping down my face.
“What in fates’ name is going on in here?” a deep masculine voice growls.
“Jesper, nothing, just some female bonding time. You can leave, we have everything handled,” Evera says smoothly, her voice measured and calm like she wasn’t just watching me get waterboarded while she tried to slice the tip of my ears off.
“Out,” he snaps
“But—”
“Get the fuck out of here, Evera, before I make you and your squad clean out the gryphon stalls until The Choosing. Or would you rather spend a night in the Keep?” Silence. “Now!”
The scuffling of their boots get further away until I hear a door shut, and I cautiously glance up, hoping he left with them.
His evergreen, mismatched eyes are heated with rage as they run along my naked back. I lay flat on my stomach, refusing to move even though some of my worst scarring is visible. His long auburn hair is wild, like he spent the day flying with the wind raking through it, matching the wildness in his gaze.
“Who the fuck did that to you?” he snaps, his voice becoming so guttural it almost reminds me of Sergeant Driscol’s.
I don’t reply.
“Answer me,” he growls.
“Why? It doesn’t matter who did it. But if you’re going to stick around, can you find me something to cover myself? I’d prefer not to strut around Phixmery in all my glory,” I say dryly, my voice wavering only slightly.
He comes closer, leaning down and picking me off the floor and placing me on my feet. I squeal, pushing him off of me, when his gaze darkens even more as he takes in my frame. I use my arms to cover myself the best I can. At this rate, the entire academy is going to see me. His eyes linger on the massive scars across my stomach, wrists, thighs and ankles before dragging back up to my face. His jaw is clenching so hard that I’m shocked I don’t hear his teeth shattering.
After a moment of intense staring, he pulls off his white tunic and offers it to me, my gaze instantly dropping to the dark tone of his skin and the expansive muscles that cover him, not an inch of soft flesh to be seen. All long hard planes of male.
“Are you done staring?”
“Why? You definitely got to look your fill,” I snap, snatching the shirt out of his hand and holding it to my chest.
He takes a step closer, and I take one back until he has me pressed against the wall. He leans down and his fingers come up to the side of my head. I hiss when he touches the iron cut along my ear. “What are you doing to me, Little Mouse?” he whispers, so low I almost miss it.
I can’t breathe. The breath I was trying to take hitches in my throat as his finger runs down to the chain around my neck and along my collar bone. His eyes widen as he stares at my necklace, before bouncing back to my face. A look of shock and disbelief crosses his features before he masks it.
The door slams open and Nero flies in, heading straight for Verlice’s face, Ember and Melissandre running in after him.
“Ravina! Are you okay? What happened?” Mel shouts before realizing that our Sergeant is standing against my naked form with only his shirt covering the front of me.
Nero makes contact, sending him flying backwards as he scratches up his face, aiming for the scar on his bad eye.
“Nero wait!” He swoops, flying back over to me but not taking his beady black eyes off the male. “He saved me, believe it or not.”
His eye twitches as the scratches Nero inflicted drip red. “Well, I believe you have it handled here. Keep the shirt.” His gaze brushes over me once more and he strides out of the bathroom, his boots thumping heavily against the stone, echoing the further away he gets.
“ Why did you stop me, Rav? I was so close to collecting my first official eye, ” Nero pouts, panic and so much anger coursing through his small feathered body.
Ember takes a step closer, her eyes lingering on the bloodied wound on the side of my head. “Did he do that? You said he saved you?” Her body is vibrating with Vopn Fo rage, her magick practically coating my tongue.
I shake my head, clutching his shirt to me. “It was Cresida and Evera. I guess they saw me coming in here and decided it would be fun to try to take my ear. He came in before they could finish and kicked them out.”
Mel gestures to my naked form and thankfully doesn’t ask about the scars—neither of them do. “And you’re naked because…?”
“They incinerated my clothing and towels. Now if you don’t mind turning around, I would like to put this on.” I raise my brow and they spin, Mel smoothing her giggles which surprisingly lightens the mood. I know she’s just dying to ask me about what they walked—well, ran in on.
As quickly as possible, I slide the fabric over my head, the bottom of the tunic brushing against the tops of my knees, and I catch a whiff of crisp ocean air and mint. Unable to stop myself, I inhale deeply and something settles in me.
When I glance back up, Mel is smirking and Ember is gone.
She notices my questioning gaze and answers, “She went to grab you a pair of pants. We figured you wouldn’t want to go back with everything exposed.” My scars. “So, you and the Sergeant, huh?” She wags her brows.
“There’s nothing there,” I state succinctly, leveling her with a glower that hopefully gets my point across. It doesn’t.
Her grin widens. “Really? Because to me it looked like he wanted to devour you right then and there.” When I don’t say anything, keeping the ‘would you shut up’ expression on my face, she sighs. “Come on. While we wait for her to get back, we should clean your ear, and get the blood off your face.”
I know she’s right.. It would only just raise more questions considering Nero probably woke everyone up, trying to get to me.
Nero shuffles on my shoulder. “ I may have started pecking them until they woke up, and then it was a massive game of figuring out what the bird was trying to tell them. I wasn’t sure what was happening until I felt the panic… It reminded me of before. ” In Shalo, the iron I’m assuming.
I stroke his feathers, letting the warmth from him soothe me as I move over towards the mirror. Mel has grabbed another towel and is wetting it as she gently removes the dried blood from my face.
She hisses. “Those bitches used iron? How did they even get a hold of something like that? It’s forbidden in Phixmery.”
I don’t reply, because I don’t have an answer. She goes back to working in silence and I barely hear Ember come back. Throwing on the pants, I feel safer, and we quietly make our way back up to our squad chambers. I ignore the questioning stares from the others and Lennox quietly whispers to Bracken when he tries to come to me. I couldn’t care. The smell of the soft ocean breeze is making me more drowsy than I care to be.
As I crawl into bed, Nero hops close to me on his perch. “ Go to sleep, Rav. I’ll wake you if anything happens, okay? ”
I think I respond, but before I know it, I’m out.
I’M PULLED INTO the wintry dreamscape so quickly it’s almost startling. Snow falls rapidly around me, yet it’s not cold. I’m as warm as I would be nestled in my bed. I glance around and I don’t need to wait long for the white dragon to appear, although this time he’s flying in at an incredible speed, faster than I’ve ever seen a dragon fly through the sky before. And I’ve seen quite a few while at Phixmery.
He lands shockingly gracefully as he steps towards me, lowering his snout a few feet from my face. “ Where have you been, Little Dream? You’re not where you’re supposed to be. I told you to leave Phixmery. ”
“I will be leaving, after The Choosing. I need to learn how to use my magick, and then I’m keeping my promise to my mother, making sure no one ever discovers who I am,” I snap back at the pushy beast.
His head pulls back, towering above me, but his red eyes narrow. “ Your mother made you promise that? No, you’re needed once the war is done. You have responsibilities. You need to leave before you’re killed. It’s not safe there. ”
My arms cross over my chest. Why am I arguing with a figment of my imagination? “Why isn’t it safe here? I’ve been careful. We only have a month until The Choosing, and no one has figured out the full truth yet. I’ve chosen the easiest faction, and when it’s time, my friends and I—if they want to come—are leaving.”
The dragon paces, blowing light blue steam from his nostrils before stopping in front of me again. “ Friends? Is this what they need to speak with me about? They can’t know about you yet; it will throw everything off, ” he mutters, to himself, I think?
Is it possible to go insane in your dream? Because I think I might be. I furrow my brows at the large beast, wondering what he’s going on about. Maybe this is my way of working things out, or maybe it was a result of last night in the shower.
His large head swivels towards me, nostrils flaring. “ Why did your scent sour? What has upset you? ”
I wave him off, calming my emotions. “Nothing, but the friends I speak of are good fae. They have been helping me. They know about my magick and are keeping me safe.” Deciding to get comfortable because I don’t know how long I’ll be here, I sit in the snow, leaning back on my hands to peer up at the magnificent white beast in front of me.
A growl rumbles from his chest, but it doesn’t scare me. Some innate part of me knows that this dragon will never harm me.
“ They know your secret? ” he growls, so low and deep that I’m glad I have no fear of him wanting to hurt me.
“You’re not listening. My friends are good fae. They don’t know about my past. I am leaving Phixmery. I don’t know why we keep walking in circles here,” I snap, feeling exasperated.
“ That doesn’t explain why you haven’t been able to sleep deep enough to come here,” he snaps.
I freeze. Is that why I can’t always reach this place? I need to be in a deep sleep?
He continues, ignoring my revelation. “ You’re waking up. You will come to me, Little Dream, or you won’t like how I retrieve you. And mark my words, I won’t have you gallivanting around Damorleia, ignoring your responsibilities. Gretchen was supposed to explain this to you. ”
The dream starts to get blurry as a crack opens in my chest. “Gretchen is dead.”