Chapter 14 – Age 29
Jule was having a typical Friday night working on his couch when his door opened. That could only be one person. Heart immediately galloping, he set the laptop on the coffee table and stood. “Tor?”
“Yeah, it’s me.” Tor walked into the room and stopped a few feet away from him. “Hey,” he said softly, his gaze roaming from Jule’s face to his feet and back up again.
“Hey, yourself.” Jule flicked his eyes up and down, taking Tor in.
The sight of Tor always sent a charge through him.
Nobody would describe Tor as well-dressed.
His hairstyles were never stylish. He wasn’t particularly tall or particularly broad.
In theory, Tor shouldn’t stand out. And yet he did.
His blue eyes glowed with intensity and intelligence.
His strong body was always primed, ready to defend, to fight, to fuck.
And his face. Tor knew how to shield his emotions, he was an expert at it, but when he let them show, his gorgeous face reached inside you and filled you with everything he was feeling.
Tor was the most complex, infuriating, intoxicating man Jule had ever seen and he burned for him.
“Why’re you all the way over there?” He moved toward Tor. “Come here.”
“Clocking your mood, trying to decide if I need to brace myself.”
Jule frowned. “Brace yourself?” He circled his arms around Tor’s neck as Tor wrapped his around Jule’s waist. “For what?” They moved together in unison, lips parting, mouths connecting, tongues sliding.
When the kiss eventually ended, Tor skimmed his knuckles down Jule’s face. “I was at the house today. Talked to Trav. He said you know about the call.” He looked at Jule carefully, assessing him. “I assumed you’d be pissed.”
Jule sighed. “I am.”
“You haven’t punched me yet so you can’t be that mad.”
He pulled Tor in closer. “Maybe I’m getting too old to fight all the time.”
When they were younger, Jule pushed and Tor pulled back.
He yelled, demanding to know where Tor was living and what he was doing, and Tor refused to answer.
He escalated with volume, with words, with fists, and Tor got calmer, dialing down the rage that filled him and transforming it into something else, something that burned just as hot but was infinitely more pleasurable.
That had been their dance for years now.
Push and pull, harshness and softness, fighting and fucking.
And at the end, Jule always relented, always followed Tor’s lead like he had done with everything for as long as he could remember.
“Are you going to tell me why Trav has your number and I don’t? Why he can call you and I can’t?” He didn’t demand, didn’t accuse, didn’t shout. He just asked.
Tor kept touching his face, kept looking into his eyes. “Because it’s not a secret that he’s my brother so a call from him now and then won’t cause problems. Can’t risk having people figure out we know each other.”
He considered that answer and thought about the recorded call from Jimmy’s. Tor very likely hadn’t said a word and Travis very clearly understood that he wouldn’t. “Are you involved in something where the cops might be listening in on your calls, Tori?”
Tor still didn’t look away, still continued tenderly stroking his cheeks, but he didn’t respond.
Knowing he wasn’t going to get an answer didn’t fill him with rage like it had in the past; instead, it drained him.
He cradled both sides of Tor’s head, kissed him, and then leaned his forehead against Tor’s.
“Sometimes when I’m really exhausted and I’ve had a bad week and I haven’t seen you in too long, I lay in my bed alone and I think about what I’d be doing if we hadn’t met.
What kind of life I’d have. Would I be in a normal relationship?
Would I be with somebody who’s around so much that I could take him for granted? ”
Pain flashed in Tor’s beautiful eyes and Jule hated himself a little for putting it there, but he was so damn tired.
Tired of holding everything in, tired of having Tor but not having him, tired of feeling like part of him had been ripped away, the best part.
Tired of the fact that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t do anything to change any of it.
“Do you regret it?” Tor whispered.
Jule was quiet for a long time and then he swallowed, his throat working. “If I had never met you then I wouldn’t know.” In another life, maybe things would have been different. A life where he hadn’t met Torrence Dunworthy in kindergarten.
“What wouldn’t you know, Julie?” Tor asked his voice a hoarse whisper.
“I wouldn’t know what this feels like. I wouldn’t know that I could crave somebody this much.
That I could need somebody this much. That I could love somebody this much.
I wouldn’t know that somebody like you could exist. And maybe then I could’ve been…
” He paused and sighed. “…probably not happy but maybe at least satisfied with less. I don’t know.
” He shrugged and then met Tor’s shimmering eyes and wiped away the wetness in his own.
“But I do know. I know you’re real. I know you’re perfect.
And because of that I can’t be satisfied with less.
This thing with us, it’s miserable and painful and so fucking hard but it’s also beautiful and special and necessary.
I’m done fighting with you about this. If all you can give me is stolen moments, then it’s going to be enough because even when it’s torture, this relationship with you is deeper and stronger and more necessary than normal could ever be. ”
“Jule,” Tor said brokenly. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know.” He didn’t know what Tor was doing when he wasn’t standing right in front of him.
He didn’t know when he’d see him again after he left.
He didn’t know why Tor refused to talk to him about any of it.
He didn’t know a lot of things. But he knew that if anyone hated their situation more than he did, it was Tor.
At least Jule had stability, a career, the ability to see their family when he wanted, a path toward some sort of future.
“Things will change soon,” Tor said quietly.
“What does that mean?”
Tor drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It means I need a little more time. I promise you, Jule, just a little more, and then we can do whatever you want.”
That sounded more like a dream than a promise, but he was willing to dream with Tor. “Okay.” He slid his arm around Tor’s back, wove his fingers through his hair, and pressed his face to his neck. “I trust you, Tori.”
He had been having sex with Tor for half his life, so he hadn’t considered the possibility of them doing something new.
But that night, they came together in a different way, a slower, quieter way.
Instead of clawing at clothes and skin and banging up against walls, they walked to the bedroom in silence, fingers twisted together.
The table lamp cast a soft warm glow, matching the mood.
By silent agreement, they stopped beside the bed and faced one another, eyes meeting and holding.
Slowly, Tor reached his hands over his head and pulled off his own shirt.
At the same time, Jule tucked his thumbs into his waistband and pushed down his sweats.
One article of clothing at a time, they undressed themselves until they were naked, still standing in the same spot, still looking at each other.
“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, Julie?” Flowery words weren’t their thing.
Tor had told him he was hot, told him he wanted him, told him he made him hard.
“Because you are.” They were standing close enough that he could feel Tor’s breath ghosting over him as he spoke, but they weren’t touching.
“Your body is a work of art, big and muscular. When your hair’s a little longer, like it is now, I can see all the chestnut tones woven together.
Your lips destroy me. So soft and juicy.
That fucking jaw is carved from stone. And your eyes.
God damn, Jule, your eyes. The brown can darken and strike fear in people or it can calm to this warm, rich shade, and when the light hits them just right, the gold parts shine.
I used to have trouble concentrating at school sometimes because I couldn’t look away from you, couldn’t think about anything except how gorgeous you were.
And you’ve gotten even more beautiful as we’ve gotten older.
You are so fucking gorgeous that I don’t know how you’re real. ”
Jule’s throat felt too raw to speak. He crawled onto his bed, lay on his back, and spread his legs, making room for Tor between them.
Accepting his unspoken invitation, Tor eased onto him and caressed his face. “I will always protect you, Jule.”
That wasn’t something Jule doubted. Tor had always protected the family. With no functional parents around, the Dunworthy boys had raised one another, and even as the youngest, Tor had done his part, had taken care of his older brothers.
“I’m not fragile,” Jule reminded him.
“No, definitely not fragile.” Tor gazed down at him, his smile soft. He moved a few strands of hair off Jule’s forehead. “Precious.”
He hadn’t expected Tor Dunworthy to slay him with words instead of fists, but a single word in that voice with those eyes peering into his soul stole his breath more than any punch.
After a few quiet seconds, Jule rocked his hips, grinding his erection against Tor’s. “You feel so good on top of me.”
“Mmm hmm.” Tor trailed one hand down Jule’s torso until he reached his thigh, then he lifted it, rolled his lower body, and dragged his cockhead down Jule’s channel.
Jule trembled from head to toe. “Yes.” He pressed his face against Tor’s hair and breathed him in. That scent set him on fire with desire and calmed him with safety.
“I’m going to take care of you,” Tor vowed. He skimmed his hands up Jule’s arms and raised them above his head. “I won’t let you down.”
“You could never let me down.” He never had, not really.
The situation they were forced into was frustrating beyond measure, but Tor wasn’t responsible for what his father had done, what his father could still do.
The older he got, the more Jule realized that Tor was trapped, even more so than Jule.
“And you’ve always taken care of me.” He wouldn’t have gotten through school without Tor.
He still sometimes struggled to manage his anger, but when they were kids, it was a wild thing that took over before he could think and stop it.
Tor had always been able to recognize it, avert it, shield it from people who wouldn’t understand.
He folded both legs up and dropped his knees to the sides. “Get in me, Tori.”
Tor grinned. He lightly dragged his fingertips from Jule’s raised hands, down his arms, and past his pits. “Soon.” He nuzzled the base of Jule’s neck and trailed wet kisses across his clavicle and over to his nipple, which he flicked with his tongue and then suckled into his mouth.
“Fuck,” Jule moaned and arched his back. “That’s so good.”
When Jule was sore in the best way, Tor shifted his attention to the other nipple, rubbing, pinching, and then sucking it into his warm mouth. Eyes closed, he gave himself over to Tor and lost himself in the sensation.
“Those sounds you’re making are killing me.” Tor’s voice was hoarse. He licked a path from Jule’s chest, down his ribs, across his waist, and over to his dick. “And the way you smell.” Tor pressed his nose against Jule’s sac and inhaled deeply. “Fuck.” He rubbed his cheek up and down Jule’s cock.
He opened his eyes when Tor swiped his tongue over the head, not wanting to miss the view. “Going to suck me, Tori?”
“Fuck, yes.” Tor covered his glans with his mouth and pulled it in. “Mmm.” He licked his way down Jule’s shaft to his balls and mouthed each of them in turn before returning to his cock and sucking him deep.
“God damn.” Jule clutched each side of the pillow and thrust his hips. “Your fucking mouth.”
Tor kept working him over with that mouth, sucking his dick, licking his sac, and then lowering down and licking his crease and pucker.
“Love when you eat my ass,” Jule rasped.
“Love doing it.” Flattening his tongue, Tor lapped at the sensitive skin until Jule was wet with his saliva. He focused on his hole, probing, penetrating, and moaning.
“If you want to fuck me, you need to get your dick in me now because I’m about to fucking lose it.”
With a chuckle and another wiggle of his tongue, Tor rose to his knees and reached for the nightstand.
“You got me wet enough. Let’s go.”
Tor grinned at him. “We’re in a bed, alone, not rushing. Let’s mix things up and use lube, tough guy.”
“The fuck we’re not rushing. I want your cock in my ass.”
Slick fingers pushed into him. “You’ll get it.”
He roamed his eyes over Tor, landing on his groin. “You have the best dick.”
“Glad you think so.” Tor stroked the slick over himself and then pressed his crown against Jule’s rim.
“Do it.”
He dug his fingertips into Jule’s hip with one hand and held his own cock with the other as he pushed forward and breached him.
“Yes.” Jule’s back bowed. “Fuck yes.”
Without slowing, Tor shoved the rest of the way in, not stopping until his balls bumped against Jule. Then he pulled out and pushed inside again. “Jesus, so good.” He straightened his arms, flattened his palms against the mattress to brace himself, and drove in harder.
“Like that.” Jule gripped Tor’s shoulders and pumped his hips in concert with Tor. “You’re perfect. Do me just right.”
Tor lowered his face and kissed him while he punched in and out of his body. They moved together, grunting and moaning and calling out each other’s names until Jule couldn’t hold back any longer. He fell over the edge, shouting and coming and thrashing so hard his teeth clicked.
Above him, Tor trembled and stilled, losing himself inside Jule’s body.
“Damn.” Jule straightened his twitching legs.
“Uh huh.” Tor collapsed onto him, face buried in his neck.
They lay together, gasping for air, skin slick with sweat. “How long till we can go again?”
Tor raised his head until their eyes met and then he laughed, Jule joining him. Whatever else was waiting outside, in that moment, alone in his bed with Tor, everything was right and he was happy. That was enough. It had to be.