Chapter 17 – Age 30
Fingers twisting the fabric of her trousers, his mother said, “Are you sure you don’t want dinner? I can order something right now. Or if you don’t mind leftovers, Langston and I went to Durant's last night and you know how large their portions are. I can warm up that in just a few minutes.”
Jule shook his head. “I’m going to the Dunworthy house to eat dinner with Tor and his brothers.” Tor was the reason for his visit so he may as well get the conversation started with a clear indication of where it would go.
“I see.” His mother rubbed her lips together and then sat on the sofa catty-corner from the armchair where Jule was already sitting.
They stared at one another in silence for so long that he was uncomfortable and he was confident his mother wasn’t doing any better.
Something needed to be said, but Jule was at a disadvantage because he didn’t know what awareness, if any, his mother had about his father’s extramarital activities or his history, and he didn’t want to hurt her by telling her things that could only cause her pain.
Deciding to crack open the door but tread delicately, he said, “I’ve received voicemails and texts from Grandfather and Grandmother Sterling. They’ve been clear about their feelings regarding Tor.”
“I’m aware. They’ve shared their concerns with me. Repeatedly.”
The crack had widened. “What did they say?”
She sighed and looked away. “I don’t know how to do this, Julian.”
He frowned. “Do what?”
“You were so close to your father, and he loved you very much. I…” She swallowed thickly. “I would never want to diminish your memory of him.”
Clearly, she knew something. “I’m not a kid anymore, Mom.” He considered his next words carefully before speaking. “And even when I was a kid, I had a pretty good picture of who Dad was. You don’t need to shield me from that.”
She searched his face and he realized they were both trying not to hurt each other. That wasn’t going to get them anywhere.
“Did Grandfather and Grandmother Sterling tell you about Dad’s history with Vickie Dunworthy?”
“They did.” She nodded slowly. “They said that your father dated her in high school. They said that she wasn’t a good influence, wasn’t a good match for him, wasn’t a good person.” She cleared her throat. “They called her Victoria. Everyone has called her Victoria.”
“Some of that may have been true. And she went by Vickie.”
His mother absorbed what he said before speaking again. “You knew her.”
It was a statement more than a question, but he answered it anyway. “Not as well as you’d think considering how much time I spent at the Dunworthy house.”
“Your father took you with him when he went to be with her?”
“At first, yes.”
She flicked her gaze away and lowered her voice. “I knew he was unfaithful. I didn’t have names. I didn’t want them. But I knew.”
There was nothing to say to that, so Jule didn’t try.
“I assumed they were flings. Meaningless things. I didn’t realize he had been seeing someone for so long. Someone he knew before he met me. I didn’t realize he involved you in it.”
“I’m sorry he did that to you, Mom.”
Her eyes shone. “He must have loved her very much.”
They were being honest with one another, which was good. It was long past time for truths to be spoken out loud in the Sterling family. Even painful truths.
“Tor once told me that Dad loved her. At the time, I wasn’t sure that was true.
Looking back at all of it now, I agree but for reasons I didn’t understand then.
He loved her because he loved who he was when he was with her.
” He scooted forward so he was closer to his mother.
“Vickie Dunworthy was a shell of a person, Mom. She was nothing like you. She was damaged and defeated and vacant. Dad loved that because compared to her, he was strong and powerful and important. But the truth is, he was none of those things, not inside where it mattered. He was a weak man, and when he stood beside real strength, he couldn’t hide from himself, so he looked for a different type of mirror. ”
“He was a good man.” Her eyes watered. “He was your father. You shouldn’t—”
“He was my father,” Jule agreed. “And I loved him. I really did. Despite his flaws, I loved him. I’m not sure he was a good man, but that doesn’t matter anymore.”
She cleared her throat and reached for a tissue on the end table. “You shouldn’t have been exposed to those things. I should have protected you from his…activities.”
“I spent my time playing with Tor, not watching Dad and Vickie.” The word playing was doing a shit ton of heavy lifting, but it was true enough. Honesty had its limits and telling her all the things he had done growing up was well on the other side of those limits.
“That’s how you know him,” she said.
“It’s how I met him,” he confirmed. “We also went to school together. We spent a lot of time together before…” He drew in a deep breath and let it out. “I was there that day.”
She jerked her gaze to him, her eyes wide.
He nodded, confirming that she understood him correctly.
“We were in the backyard when it happened. I didn’t realize what was going on but Tor did.
He made sure I got home, made sure I was safe that day, and then he blew up his life to make sure I’d stay safe every day after that.
Tor Dunworthy is the best person I know.
Nobody is as smart, nobody is as dedicated, nobody is as strong, nobody is as loyal.
I hope you can get past who his parents were and the way I met him and get to know him.
I do. But I need you to understand that even though I loved Dad, I will never be like him.
I’m not afraid of being with someone who I know is better than me, I feel lucky to have that chance.
From the moment Tor all but disappeared to go undercover, I only felt alive when he came to see me.
The rest of the time, I was sleepwalking through life.
I want to be awake, Mom. I want to feel alive.
I want Tor. I can walk away from anything else in this world, but not him.
I will never hide that and I will never, ever give him up. ”
“And then she said she’d been at her sister’s house but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have a sister and—”
“Holy shit, Tan, are you telling this story in real time? I’m not sure how much more I can take,” Travis said.
“Fuck off,” Titan said as he shoved his brother. The two of them were sitting on the couch.
“He’s right,” Tyson said from his perch on a loveseat they’d found on a curb during bulk trash. It was in remarkably good condition. “We need a fast-forward button for this shit.”
“Or a skip button,” Trey suggested from beside him.
Tor sat on the floor, back against the wall, and Jule was stretched out next to him, head on his lap. “Hey, Tan, you know how they say everyone is fighting a battle we don’t know about?” Jule said. “Why don’t you try that approach. See how it goes.”
Everyone laughed, even Titan.
“Fuck all of you.” Titan crossed his arms over his chest, but he was smiling.
“Seriously though, why are you letting her into your head like this?” Tor raked his fingers over Jule’s scalp as he spoke. “Doesn’t sound like she makes you happy. Move on.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Titan sighed and leaned toward the coffee table. “Any pizza left?” He opened up one box, closed the lid, and then tried the other. “Last slice.” He picked it up. “I’m taking it. You fuckers don’t deserve it.”
“Colleen has a friend who’s pretty cute. Want me to check if she’s interested?” Tyson said.
“Who’s Colleen?” Travis asked.
“The blond one with the…” Trey hovered both hands over his chest.
“New girlfriend?” Jule asked.
Tyson shrugged. “New something.”
“Yeah, why not,” Titan said. “Introduce me to Colleen’s friend. Fuck Cheryl.”
“Who’s Cheryl?” Trey said.
“She’s the one Tan’s been whining about for the past half hour,” Travis clarified.
“Right.” Trey nodded. “Don’t think you ever mentioned her name.”
Tor chuckled.
“You’re all hopeless causes when it comes to relationships,” Maggie said from the hallway.
Jule turned his head. “Hey, Mags.”
“Hi.” Maggie stepped over his legs and walked to the front door. “Mikey crashed in my room. I’m going out with my friends. Be back later.”
“Need me to move him to his bed?” Titan asked.
“Nah, he’s fine.”
“I’m tracking your phone,” Travis reminded her.
She rolled her eyes dramatically. “I know, Dad.” She left with a wave and closed the door behind her.
“Do you guys think we’re all hopeless when it comes to relationships?” Tyson asked.
“We had shitty parents, man. We’ve never seen an example of a healthy relationship in real life, so yeah, we’re probably hopeless,” Travis responded.
“Not all of us,” Jule said.
Tor’s fingers stopped moving against his head.
Jule looked up at him. “Did you tell them our news?”
“What news?” Trey said.
Jule crunched into a sitting position. “We’re getting married.”
“Holy shit.”
“Holy fuck.”
“When?”
“We’re going to the county clerk of court on Monday to get our license,” Jule said.
“We are?” Tor asked.
Jule nodded. “Three o’clock. I made an appointment.”
Tor made an amused sound. “Thanks for filling me in. What if I’m busy then?”
“Make yourself unbusy. I already told you, this is not optional.”
Laughter echoed around them.
“Not sure you’re demonstrating the whole healthy relationship thing there, Jule,” Trey said.
“Fuck that healthy shit. What this frustrating asshole needs is persistence and a strong hand, not sentimentality. You think he’s a badass for what he survived over the last decade?
That’s nothing compared to what’s coming.
We’re getting married. We’re going to choose each other and stay together and live a chaos-free, boring fucking life.
And I will beat the ever-loving shit out of anyone who tries to get in our way.
” He narrowed his eyes at Tor. “You included.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” Tor grinned at him. “I know exactly what fighting with you leads to.”
“Oh, Jesus Christ, if you two lunatics are going to bang, go to your car.”
“Jule has a whole ass apartment. Go there.”
“That reminds me.” Jule dragged his gaze away from Tor’s smiling face and over to the rest of the room. “What’s the story with the Vuongs next door?”
“What story?” Travis asked.
“I saw a sign on the lawn when I parked at the curb in front of the house.”
“Oh, right.” Travis nodded. “Mrs. Vuong moved to Gilbert to be closer to Mai and help out with her grandkids. She’s selling the house.”
He turned back toward Tor and raised his eyebrows.
Without skipping a beat, Tor said, “Let’s do it.”
“Yeah?” Jule confirmed.
He dipped his chin.
“Do what?” Tyson asked. “What’d I miss?”
“We’re going to buy Vuong’s house,” Jule said.
“It’s a shithole,” Travis pointed out.
“It’s not that bad,” Jule insisted.
“I can fix it up,” Tor said at the same time.
“And you can’t beat the location,” they both said in unison.
“Christ, I forgot how creepy it is when they do that.” Trey shook his head.
“Better get used it again,” Tyson said. “Baby brothers are finally back home to stay.”
***
“Get fucked, asshole, do you follow Jesus this closely!” Jule shouted into his rearview mirror.
“With as ragey as you get when you’re driving, it’s a good thing you don’t carry,” Tor said.
“That’s why I don’t carry.” He glared at the mirror again. “Seriously, fuck you!”
“Would pointing out that they can’t hear you help or just piss you off more?”
“They might not be able to hear me, but they’d feel me if I stopped short at this light.”
“By feel you, you mean rearend your car? The car we’re currently in?”
“Exactly.”
“That’s a very well-thought out and not at all emotionally driven plan that you definitely won’t regret within five minutes of implementation.”
“Are you trying to provoke violence?”
“That depends,” Tor said. “What are you thinking about right now?”
Jule glared at him. “Killing you.”
“Great.”
They stopped at the light and Jule said, “How is that great?”
“Because if you’re channeling your homicidal tendencies at me, you’re too distracted to aim them at that other driver.”
“I can multitask.” Jule returned his gaze to the mirror and frowned. “Where’d he go?”
“Passed us when you were threatening my life and then ran the red. The camera got him.”
That calmed Jule’s anger. “Really?”
“I saw it flash.”
Jule smiled.
“Happy?” Tor asked.
“Yeah. Fuck him. Nobody gets that far up my ass except you.”
“Glad that’s handled.” Tor reached his arm out and caressed Jule’s nape. “Anything I need to know to prepare for this dinner with your mother? Because I’m thinking I shouldn’t approach it like you’re approaching the drive over.”
“Approach it however you want.” The light changed and he drove forward. “She’ll either get on board, or it’ll be the last dinner I have with her.”
“Jule.” Tor’s voice was low, serious.
“What?” He flicked his gaze toward Tor.
“She’s your family.”
“You’re my family. You, Ty, Trey, Trav, Tan, Mags, Mikey. Plus Jenny, Carley, and your other cousins, their kids. We have plenty of family.”
“We do. We have a great family. And she needs to be part of it. She’s your mother.”
“I’m done hiding you.”
“From everything you’ve told me, she cares a lot about you. She invited us to her house for dinner. That’s not hiding anything.”
He clenched his jaw.
“Is this about your dad’s parents? Have you heard from them?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“Nothing good.” He shook his head. “Not sure if they could have gotten there with us anyway, but after everything that happened…” He shrugged.
“We’ll figure it out.” Tor put his hand on Jule’s thigh, the pressure warm, comforting. “Tell me about your mom’s husband.”
“Langston Bennett. They’ve been married for a few years now, but I don’t know him well. He’s a pretty quiet guy. Divorced. Has a couple of kids who live out of state. He’s a federal judge now but he worked at my mom’s firm a long time ago, that’s how they know each other.”
“Do you like him?”
“Seems decent.” He parked in front of his mother’s house. “He’s nice to my mom.” He thought of his father and the husband he had been. “She deserves to have that.”
Tor squeezed his leg and looked out the window. “Need a minute?”
He nodded and closed his eyes, letting the feeling of Tor’s hand on him and the sound of his quiet breathing push away the disappointing memories so they could go inside and make better ones.