10. Phoenix
CHAPTER 10
PHOENIX
Although unusual, I dismissed the little detail when Luka called and asked me to catch a ride home with Arthur after I finished at the bakery for the day.
For the past couple of weeks, I’d been busy creating holiday treats while taking speciality orders, because between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, orders grew over two hundred percent.
I waved toward my snarky best friend as he pulled away, who was heading home to his loving husband, as worry balled up in my chest as I dragged my feet walking up the pavement to the seven steps that stood between me and the front door.
When I answered earlier, I wasn’t concentrating on the conversation as I was busy weighing the dried fruit for the spiced panettone, a new recipe I was testing out. But it hit me hard when it was time to leave, and I realized how strange it was that Burton and Luka hadn’t picked me up. They both drove me to work and brought me home during the week, so we’d have a few more minutes of our day together and I’d missed them.
On top of the rush, we were completing the details for the street fair the following Saturday. I’d fallen into bed exhausted more than once and realized we hadn’t made love since our night together on the couch. Unable to keep them at bay, the more time we spent apart, the doubts nudged me, feeding off my insecurities.
My heart stalled in my chest when I imagined the happiness I shared with the two men disappearing in a blink.
Did they not want me any more? Was I too much trouble?
My lashes fluttered, keeping the tears at bay, as a dim light turned on inside and I realized I’d been standing there for several minutes without moving. The cold air nipped at my fingers, but it was a random thought that froze me to the spot. That one worst-case scenario turned into another, and another, as several minutes of mind-numbing disasters made my heart hurt with each beat, and I shook my head, trying to rid myself of all the negativity.
Taking several deep breaths and lecturing myself on not jumping to conclusions, I opened the door.
Silence met me and after taking a shaky inhale, I walked inside and shut the door behind me. I dropped my bag and keys before I flipped the lock, hesitating.
As I turned back to the room, I called out, “Hello?”
I faltered when I heard a song start in the background. Then the light in the room brightened, revealing both Luka and Burton, dressed in elegant black suits, hair styled, along with matching ties.
It was a testament to how fucked up I was that instead of marveling at both men, masculine perfection in their custom evening wear, negative thoughts flooded me at the proof of how perfectly matched the two men were for each other and how I didn’t belong.
And then came the sudden realization they wouldn’t need me, because I wasn’t worth it —
“No! Nuh-uh! Those thoughts that made you grow pale and shake is not what’s happening here,” Burton said as he pulled me close, allowing me time to inhale his scent and relax against him. But despite all my efforts to hold back the surge of thoughts overwhelming me, I grew lightheaded and without my permission, I fainted.
When I blinked my eyes open, nothing in my immediate vicinity would focus, and my breathing sawed in and out of my chest with a rasping noise.
Am I alone?
A hand caressed my face as I came to, and at the touch, I realized a familiar chest was against my back.
For all the evidence I was okay, my whirlwind of thoughts refused to cease and along with it, the sense of flight took over and I darted to my feet.
Or I tried.
But Luka’s muscular arms banded around me and his soft voice against my ear kept repeating words until they sunk in.
“You’re safe and loved, Sunshine. You’re safe and loved.”
Reason, or at least reality, came back with a painful snap, along with the sense of worry exuding from the two men.
“I’m… sorry,” I hiccuped.
“We waited too long,” Luka grumbled.
Burton scoffed, his hand moving up and down my back. “Yeah, I figured that much out for myself when Petal about fainted when he spotted us.”
“What,” another hiccup, before I continued, “what are you talking about?”
Both men’s eyes turned my way and their expressions matched. Concern, fear, and a devoted fierceness I loved.
“What triggered you, Petal? When you walked in and spotted us, what about the situation made…”
I reached out and cupped his face, shaking my head at the hurt I’d caused, mirrored in his green eyes.
“I thought, and have from the beginning, that you two are perfect. A contrast, yes, but… I guess I’m still working on my insecurities. Sometimes the negative thoughts push in and tell me I’m not worthy of, well, anything.”
Luka settled me on the couch next to him, but cupped his hand around my waist, never severing our connection. He glanced back and forth between us until a sudden determination came over him.
“We’re going out on a date.”
There was no tamping down the thrill that ran through me at his words, which was surprising. But being out with both of them on a date sounded as close as I would get to a fairy tale.
Especially when Luka continued, “There’s a suit upstairs on the bed for you, but the rest will be a surprise. Is that okay?”
Choked up, I nodded before I kissed them both on the lips.
“Um,” I started.
“Go, Petal. We’ll be here.”
Nodding, I darted upstairs, curious about the night ahead of us.
Why the date?
How we became us wasn’t usual, but then again, I wasn’t missing out because there weren’t formal dates as we got to know each other.
We melded our lives together with little fuss.
Burton and Luka showed me every day how integral I’d become in their lives, despite my self-destructive tendencies and thinking the worst. But if they wanted a night out with me, I would not say no.
I jumped in the shower, needing to be clean for the night ahead, and by the time I dried off and dressed, that’s when excitement fluttered in my belly. There was nothing I wanted more than to spend the entire night without distractions, only the three of us.
Halfway down the stairs, a wolf whistle broke the silence and, without my permission, my cheeks heated. They flared into an inferno as Luka growled, circling around me in a predatory way and Burton stepped closer to finger my tie.
“Wow, Petal. Just… wow.”
“You look devastating, Sunshine. Are you ready?”
On the drive to the restaurant, the car was silent as my mind wondered, thinking about what was to come. I settled in my seat as I thought back on my reaction to seeing both of them decked out for a special night they planned with me, maybe even for me. Guilt swamped me, but also a determination to move past my damaging childhood.
When I purchased Phoenix Rising, I didn’t immediately quit my job as a realtor. I worked for a few months, selling nothing, but putting in the appearance so my father wouldn’t get suspicious. Arthur oversaw the renovation; who was I kidding? I gave him detailed instructions and sketches, and by the end, it looked how I wanted it.
Until the moment these two men walked in and captured my attention, I thought my life was complete. A whole man who ran his own business, happy with his place in the world.
Burton and Luka had both shown me how happiness had nothing to do with sacrifice or pain. I wasn’t selfish when I pursued my dreams by opening my bakery. I did not tie my dreams to my father, and that was more than fine. At that moment, I realized I needed to come to terms with my past, once and for all.
When we sat on the patio, Burton asked, “What are you thinking about?”
A smile lifted the side of my mouth. Not wanting to ruin the rest of the night, I paused, hoping we could have this conversation later. But I should have known better. My men wouldn’t let my reaction to our date pass without comment.
So when Luka cleared his throat, I admitted the truth.
“About my act of rebellion, which turned out to be more than I could’ve ever hoped. And how happy I am, despite the occasional fainting spell.”
Rather than lightening the mood, Burton’s brow furrowed and Luka frowned.
Ever the insightful man, Luka said, “You took one look at us, despite the romantic music in the background and how we waited in anticipation for you to come home so we could surprise you, and thought we were going to break up with you.”
It wasn’t a question.
“Yes,” I choked out, clearing my throat before continuing, “both of you, standing side-by-side, the image of perfection and?—”
Thankful for the rise in volume which cut off my hurtful words; the loud voices, clanging cutlery, a corner table with a group of people laughing, and the pianist hitting a crescendo on a piece I haven’t heard before.
It also drowned out Burton’s loud curse. The nearest table noticed his outburst, but they went back to their food with a passing look at the easy-going man. Luka squeezed his shoulder and as Burton closed his eyes and breathed deep, my entire being froze.
I’ve seen Burton tired, hungry, and angry on my behalf, but it gutted me that my insecurities caused him torment.
“Sorry—”
My words died in my throat as Burton’s green eyes flashed. My teeth clicked shut, and I swallowed at the serious expression on his face.
“Do you want to know the truth, Petal?”
A shaky breath sighed out of me at his usual endearment, and I nodded.
Burton reached for my hand and linked our fingers together while Luka rubbed a hand along my shoulders.
“The suits, the date, and everything we planned tonight came about because I realized not too long ago that I can’t keep my emotions locked away any longer. I’m thrilled about how open we are in our relationship and that others can see how happy we are together. But I also realized that I’ve held myself back, all because I hadn’t yet told you two what was in my heart.”
Luka nodded. “I’m nothing but practical, and I realized holding back was detrimental to all three of us. But this is no way a signal or pressure for you to fall for us at the same time. B and I talked about it, and we realized it was time to let you know.”
My next question rushed out on a breath. “What?”
“I’m in love with you, Phoenix,” Burton’s voice was steady, unflinching.
Luka nodded, his eyes welling with unshed tears. “Yes, Sunshine, I love you, too, and I can’t believe I kept it inside this long.”
For the rest of my life, I can never describe the sheer joy rushing through me at their words. But instead of beaming at them like I wanted, tears poured from my eyes and I launched myself at Burton’s chest and held on as the emotions washed over me.
Luka covered both of us with his bigger form. I felt his warmth surrounding us, and for several minutes, I poured out my happiness through tears.
“Ah, Sunshine.”
“I…” I hoped I wasn’t ruining Burton’s suit as I cried into it.
I opened my mouth, hoping words formed, but as I tried to express them, I hiccuped.
Luka pressed a napkin into my hand and as I tried to catch my breath, I wiped my face and disregarded how blotchy and red it would be from my outburst.
“Happy…” I hiccuped again. “Happy tears, I promise.”
“Oh, okay,” Burton said.
“You’re okay with this?” I asked in disbelief.
“No! You’re crying and that’s never okay. Even if you try to justify it.”
Inhaling a deep breath, I relaxed into Burton’s hold, giving both of my men a watery smile.
“If I were being honest, I fell a little in love with you both when you walked into my bakery. Although what I feel for both of you now is incandescent compared to those days, when you two were a fantasy to me. It’s because I love both of you, with everything I am.”
There was a sniffle next to the table and the three of us turned to see a cute auburn-haired woman in a crisp, white shirt, a maroon apron, and black pants holding a notepad in one hand and a napkin in the other, wiping her eyes.
“You three are so sweet. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Burton buried his face against my neck and hugged me as Luka pressed close to my side.
I huffed out a tearful laugh and said, “It’s for the best. The last thing I need is to get dehydrated from crying.”
“Perfect timing. I brought water. Would you like anything else to drink?”
Luka asked, “How’s the sangria? I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“Ingrid, and if you enjoy tart cherries and apples with an undertone of citrus, I’d recommend it.”
“Perfect.”
She gave us a warm smile and said, “I’ll give you a few more minutes to decide what’s for dinner.”
“Thank you,” Burton spoke up.
When we were alone, I asked, “Not that I’m complaining, because this date has been lovely so far, but why did you guys go to elaborate lengths to confess your love?”
“Because you’re worth all of this and more.”
Luka added, “We spend most of our time at home or at work. Tonight, we wanted to make a memory together.”
Nodding, I agreed, but I gasped with a realization.
“What about you two? Do you?—”
The softness in their gazes told me everything as I trailed off.
“Yes, we love each other. But it wasn’t until we realized how much we were holding back, both with our feelings and how we lived our lives. We were pretending to live, but you were our missing piece, our purpose, and the happiness we’d been searching for,” Luka said.
Burton cleared his throat until I turned my attention toward him. He reached for my hand and squeezed.
“It might take us the rest of our lives and beyond, but we will show you every day, with every gesture, word, and caress, how much we need you, Petal.”
I’ve been a bit of a closet romantic, loving the run-of-the-mill gestures of affection as much as the HEAs. But as much as I watched and read about love, I never pictured myself in the character’s place.
It wasn’t until the morning I woke up, enveloped between the two sleeping men, that a spark of hope ignited in my chest. Hope that one day I would be free to express my love and sense it in return.
“I’d know without the words. You take care of me, worry if I get enough sleep, and pay attention when a panic attack is inevitable, but you two also get angry on my behalf. On top of all that, your touch sets me alight, and I know I’m safe and wanted. There is nothing in this world that would make me stop feeling this supernova of emotions inside whenever you both are near.”