Chapter 10
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” REAGAN’S voice is incredulous over the phone.
I can’t suppress my grin. “Absolutely. He said we can tag along. I’m so stinking excited.”
“Vegas,” she breathes. “With those band members? Oh, my vagina will never forgive me.”
I laugh softly. “Girl!”
“What? As if I’m not going to try and bring one of them home with me.”
“I can’t say I blame you!”
I hear her clapping. “I can’t wait.”
“Same! I have to run—I’m heading into the deli now.”
Her laughter ripples. “Fueling up for all the...action?”
I allow a quiet chuckle. “Something like that.”
I end the call and get out of my car, locking it before heading inside. Travis is at work a few blocks away, so I thought I’d take him something for lunch. I wander the aisles, selecting subs, greens, and cold drinks. As I tuck a bottle into my cart, a familiar voice halts me.
“Violet?”
I turn. My eyes widen, and it takes me a moment to realize it’s Dan, my ex-boyfriend. He hasn’t aged a day—tall, blond, striking. He never had a problem in the looks department, that’s for sure. His problem is that he liked the attention from other girls a little too much.
“Dan?” I say, shaking my head in disbelief.
“It is you! How are you?”
“I’m good. How are you? What brings you here?”
He shrugs, tucking a hand into his pocket. “I moved here for a job.”
“Oh, good for you.”
He studies me. “You look incredible.”
I press my lips together in a forced smile. “How is Lila?”
The girl he decided he loved more than me.
His expression changes. “She broke up with me.”
Oh. How sad.
I smother my snort.
“Shame...”
He steps closer. “I tried to add you on Instagram...”
“I know,” I say, crossing my arms, hoping it’s a hint that I don’t want him closer. “I didn’t accept.”
“I wanted to talk to you. I made a mistake doing what I did. I should have stayed with you. I should have never let you go. I regret my decision...”
“Don’t, Dan. Not now.”
“Please, just let me talk to you.”
I shake my head. “I’m with someone.”
“Correct, she is.”
Travis’s voice comes from behind me, stern and unwavering.
I don’t turn, but I can feel him behind me, his presence so intense that I know he isn’t happy.
Dan’s face changes slightly, and I know that he is fully aware of who he is looking at.
Unfortunately, Dan saw the worst of me when I was heartbroken over Travis.
But he goes on, undeterred.
“Violet, just a word—”
Travis’s growl behind me is a warning. “She’s taken. What part of that don’t you understand?”
“You’re seeing him,” Dan spits, unbothered by Travis. “After everything he put you through.”
“Yes. And I don’t regret it.”
He shakes his head. “After what he did, I never thought you’d stoop so low, but you always were weak when it came to him.”
“He’s changed, not that I owe you an explanation. Besides, you’re hardly one to throw around judgment. After all, you’re the one who cheated on me.”
He flinches. “I was a fool. I know that now. If you’ll give me a chance...”
“She said no,” Travis barks, his voice firm.
People all around us have stopped. Another one for social media.
Dan glares at him, then looks to me. “I hope I’ll run into you again, alone.”
“I don’t,” I mutter.
He turns and leaves, and Travis and I get the hell out. When we’re back at my car, away from everyone, I turn to him. “What were you doing in there?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Was getting lunch.”
“I’m sorry that’s what you walked in on,” I say, shrugging. “I didn’t know he lived here.”
His eyes are flashing, a storm brewing behind his gaze. “Will you see him again?”
I shake my head. “No.”
He leans close, curling his hand around the back of my neck. “Good, because you’re mine, Violet.”
He doesn’t say another word—not in public, not in the car, not all the way back to his work. He keeps a hand on my thigh the entire drive, holding so tight I’m sure his fingerprints will rise in my skin by morning. He turns to me when we arrive at the record label, his eyes searching my face.
“You ever think about him?”
I shake my head. “Not since we ended.” Lie, but only by omission; I don’t think of Dan as Dan, I think of him as something I never want to be again. I think of that part of my life as over, and I’m grateful for it.
“He’s not going to be a problem, is he?” Travis’s thumb draws slow circles on my knee.
I shake my head. “No one’s ever going to be a problem for you.”
He gets out of the car after a hot, long kiss, and goes back to work. I make my way home, needing to unload everything on the one person I know I can turn to. My mom. As soon as I am inside Travis’s house, where I have been spending far too much time, I dial her number.
“Hi sweetheart.”
“Hi Momma. Sorry, I know you’re probably busy. I just needed to hear your voice.”
Her sigh is warm and full. “Honey, you never need to apologize for calling. Are you alright?”
I want to lie, but all my lies have dried up.
“I guess, things with Travis are intense. I mean, they always are, but they feel even more so now.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know, it feels like we’re in this crazy spiral, now that he is so famous and I am just the girl he wants to be with. There is always so much drama. So many things happening.”
I tell her everything, from him leaping off the stage at his show, to seeing Dan today. When I’m done, I exhale and my shoulders slump.
“I get it, it sounds intense, but I think the real question you have to ask yourself is, does he make you happy?”
“Yes,” I breathe. “But I’m scared. What if it goes bad again? What if this time I don’t get over it?”
My mom laughs, not unkind. “The girl I raised could row a tiny boat through a hurricane. Nothing in this world could ever bring you down, sweetheart. You can’t live your life scared about how things might turn out. If it is what you want, and it feels right, then you have to go for it.”
I flop onto my back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “I still haven’t told Dad. He will flip.”
“Maybe,” she says. “But you’re not a kid anymore. He’ll need to deal with it. Just be honest with yourself—and with them. The longer you keep this a secret, the worse it will be.”
I pick at a loose thread on the blanket. “I haven’t told Travis about Lillian. I know I should, because it feels like I’m hiding such a big part of myself from him.”
This time she does sound surprised. “Oh, honey. You didn’t tell him yet?”
I shake my head, throat tight. “I don’t even know how to say it. I’m scared that he will never look at me the same.”
“Maybe before you go any farther with him, you should,” she whispers. “Secrets have a way of digging under everything when you least expect it. He deserves the truth. You might be surprised at how he takes it.”
She’s right, of course. She always is.
“What if he doesn’t accept it though? I don’t think I can handle that,” I say, staring at my own hands, and thinking I need to do something with my nails.
“I think you might be surprised. He has survived a lot, Violet, and so have you. Just be honest with him.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Anytime you need me, baby. I’m always here.”
I hang up and set the phone down. Then, I text Travis.
V - I think I want to talk about what happened with Lillian. Tonight?
T - Of course. See you when I get home x
I put the phone down and exhale slowly, the ghosts of the past lingering before me.
It’s time to banish them.
TRAVIS SITS IN FRONT of me, his eyes careful and guarded as he rakes them over my face.
I am fumbling my hands around, clenching and unclenching them, as I try to prepare myself to tell him a story that I haven’t spoken about since it happened.
It’s like a nightmare I keep reliving, and yet as time goes on, it feels like it drifts into the clouds, only coming out when it rains.
I need to get this off my chest, and I know now is the time to do it.
“You talk when you’re ready to talk,” he says carefully. “I won’t say a word.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Lillian and I loved the lake, I’m sure you remember.
We spent every waking moment there. We were out there in the afternoon that day, and there was a storm rumbling about, but I honestly didn’t think it was that close.
She didn’t want to go in. I kept pushing, telling her to stop being a baby, the storm wasn’t even close.
I was wrong, Travis. So fucking wrong. She dove straight into the water to prove me wrong, coming up and laughing, telling me see, she wasn’t a damn baby and I better get in before she started taunting me, too. ”
I close my eyes, taking a deep shaky breath for the part that comes next.
“It was as if it came out of nowhere, this crack of lightning so loud it was almost deafening. It hit the water, sending a current across it. It took me a moment to realize it had hit the water, it was only when I looked for her, and I couldn’t find her.
I started to scream, running up and down the dock, calling her name, but she wasn’t anywhere.
I called for help, and before I knew it, there were police and paramedics.
They pulled her body from the water. She had suffered cardiac arrest when the lightning hit the water and drowned. ”
Tears flow down my cheeks, heavy and unwavering. My entire body shudders as a pained sound rips from my throat. Travis is there in a second, his arms circling around me as he pulls me to him, soft whispers of soothing comfort. “It wasn’t your fault, baby.”
“It was,” I cry. “I teased her, repeatedly until she got in. If I hadn’t done that, she would still be here. She didn’t want to go in, Travis. Don’t you get it? She didn’t fucking want to go in.”
The last word comes out as a shriek, and Travis holds me tighter. “Baby, no amount of teasing can make someone do something they don’t want to do. Lillian was strong, and she wasn’t easily pushed around. You made a mistake, and you’re living with that mistake, but it wasn’t your fault.”
“Nothing you can ever say will make me believe that,” I whisper. “I will never forgive myself for what happened to her, and now her brother...”
My voice trails off.
“What about her brother?”
Travis releases me, pushing me back so he can see my face. He reaches up, swiping away tears with his thumb as he studies me, his expression a little firmer now.
I open my mouth, then close it and shake my head.
“Violet, talk to me. What about her brother?”
I close my eyes. “He blames me for what happened to Lillian. He came into my work a few weeks ago. I guess he waited until he had enough money to fight it because I haven’t heard from him until now. He told me he is going to charge me with manslaughter and put me away.”
Travis’s face is pale beneath the flush of rage. “When the fuck did you plan to mention that?” His words are flat, clipped, ice slicing the air.
“I didn’t want...I don’t...God, I don’t know. I was scared. But, I have a lawyer. A good one. She’s a partner where I work, she’s helping quietly. I’m not helpless.”
He leans in, so close I can smell his cologne. “You’re not helpless, but you’re not alone, either. You might have a good lawyer, but I have better ones. I’ll pay for the best. I’ll make sure that motherfucker never tries you on again. Do you understand?”
I try to protest, but he’s already shaking his head. “Don’t give me that look, Vi. You know I can do it. And if he comes near you again—”
“What are you going to do?” I ask, my voice tight.
“I’ll handle him.” He’s up, pacing the room, vibrating with this dangerous, protect-me energy. “Nobody threatens what’s mine.”
I shiver a little, because it’s insane, but it’s also exactly what I wanted, someone to save me, even if I didn’t ask for it.
He plants himself back down in front of me after a few minutes, hands on my face, so gentle it’s almost apologetic.
“I let you down once, I won’t do it again.
You’re safe now, got it? I’m putting security on you. ”
“Travis—”
“No arguments,” he says, fierce and low. “And you’re going to tell me every time that fuckhead even breathes in your direction. I’m not playing.”
The words hit me hard. For a second I think about arguing more, about my precious independence, about how I’ve been surviving all this time without him. But none of those things matter right now. All that matters right now is that he’s here, and he wants to protect me. I have to let him.
I nod. “Okay.”
He sighs, pressing his forehead to mine, the air between us crackling. “Good. Now, we never speak his name in this house again unless it is to say we won and he’s gone forever, deal?”
“Deal,” I whisper, sinking into him, letting my past dissolve against the hard certainty of his chest. “Do you hate me for what happened to Lillian?”
“Not a single thing in this world could ever make me hate you, Mischief. Not a single fucking thing.”
Neither of us moves for a long time, and when we do it’s only to breathe together, heartbeat to heartbeat, in the center of our disaster.
There will never be anything else in this world for me but him.
Only him.