Chapter 15
Alex
I can help her prepare.
It almost slips out before I stop myself. It feels like she’s baiting me. Laying traps specifically made for me to fall into with this. I’m trying so hard not to push her. I wanted tonight to just be the two of us getting used to each other because if this is going to work, she’s going to have to not think the worst of me. Then she says things like this and fuck me, is it hard not to say anything.
She looks at me then, studying my face and shaking her head.
“Right. I don’t know why I’m asking you. Of course you don’t get nervous. You’re you. You never have to worry about being out of practice or anything. You’re used to having someone new all the time so that’s probably just normal to you, right? What’s it like anyway? Always being alone and not settling down? Do you ever get lonely, or are you really happy like this? Just get to do what you want all the time?”
Well, fuck. Now she’s hitting me with the hard stuff.
“I’m thinking I might be done with it.”
“Done with what?”
“Being alone. Not settling down.”
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes go soft when she looks at me. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“No, you’re right. It’s fair. There have been a lot of different people in and out of my life. And yeah, it’s not great sometimes, and the older I get the less appealing it is honestly. I’m not lonely exactly, but it’s empty sometimes. Seeing some of the guys like Ben and Waylon… makes me wish I had that.”
“Yeah, well I think we all wish we had the kind of relationships they have. For the record most relationships… they’re not all that great either. It’s not necessarily greener on the other side. Not all marriages are created equal after all.” She sighs.
“I’m really sorry he fucked you over like that. You didn’t deserve it, and he didn’t deserve you.”
Her eyes flick up to mine for a second and then hit the floor again. “Thanks.”
“Maybe we can help each other while we do this whole fake dating thing,” I offer.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m good at the whole being single and dating thing. You were good at the whole domesticated and married thing even if he wasn’t. We can help each other figure it out.” I raise a brow in question.
A small smile flits over her lips. “Maybe. Like I said, I pity any woman that has to domesticate you for real.”
“Harsh. I worry for whatever man has to be the first to fuck you.” I tease in return.
“Wow, extra harsh.”
“I just mean if it’s as bad as you say it was with the faking, you’re gonna wear him fucking out.”
“He should be so lucky.”
“Speaking of… we should practice.”
“What?” Her voice is breathy and her eyes snap to mine, and if I didn’t know this woman better, I’d say she was picturing me half-naked already.
“Touching. Kissing. This whole chaste distance thing isn’t going to work in public. I know you said no private PDA, but this is just a trial run to make sure you can handle it.”
I expect her to push back on the idea, but instead, she smiles and her eyes rake over me.
“Yeah, I guess with your reputation I might have to work on it.”
“It would give you practice.”
“Silver lining, I suppose.”
“So kiss me.”
“Now?”
“You waiting for a special moment?”
“No but…” She looks at me flustered, and I smile at her.
“Just do it. It’s a practice run. If it sucks, we’ll work on your technique. Get it right for the cameras.”
“Alex…” She shakes her head.
“All right. If you’re too scared right now that’s fine.”
“I am not scared,” she huffs and then a moment later she turns, and her lips are on mine.
It’s been a long time—too long, since the last time she kissed me. I’ve been waiting years to have her this close again, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get another shot. I can feel her frustration with my teasing at first, the way she kisses me hard and absent like she’s trying to prove a point. But then once she gets her first taste she slows, her lips move against mine in more tentative strokes. I answer her with equally soft measures, kissing her back and slowly running my hand around her side and up her spine.
She tastes sweet like the candy she’s been eating, and she’s so close now that the smell of her perfume engulfs me. The one that’s always taunted me whenever she was around. Anytime I was at her house and she’d lean over to hand me something or walk past me. It reminded me of the night I couldn’t forget.
She leans into me then, this time more like she’s dedicated to the task of exploring whether or not she likes it than simply just trying to prove me wrong. Her palms rest against my shoulders, and I pull her into my lap. She takes my lead and follows, her hands fisting into my shirt and pulling me toward her in the same motion.
Her kiss turns then, from a soft exploration to a pleading sort of pace, like she’s forgotten this is practice. That somewhere deep underneath her reservations and hesitancy, she wants—me.
I answer it in equal measure. Everywhere she touches me feels like fire, like she’s lighting every inch of my skin until the desire consumes me and pulls me down with it. Her hands slide over the back of my neck and down over my shoulder blades and she rocks forward, dangerously close to letting our bodies collide. I almost pull her down onto me. Almost break the kiss to tell her how much I want her.
But then she stops.
It’s abrupt like she’s just remembered where she is. The person she’s kissing. She breaks away from me turning her head to catch her breath, trying to take in the oxygen she’d been denying us both. She doesn’t open her eyes yet though, like she’s still trying to process. I can barely keep my mouth shut, forcing myself to pull my hands away from her. I can see her brow furrow and practically hear the gears shifting for her. I need to say something, anything to get her to take a breath and not overanalyze it.
“If that’s you without practice, Saint. Fuck… use me any time,” I mutter, trying hard to make a joke and lighten the mood because I can tell she’s starting to tense up.
She stands then, carefully so she doesn’t trip over me in the process and reaches for her phone that’s fallen out of her lap on the couch. The bag of candy abandoned next to it.
“I should get home.” She glances down at the phone in her hand. “I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“Okay. Just give me a sec to get my keys,” I say. I just need my keys and a second to fucking compose myself because I’m shellshocked from how fucking good that was, how easily we could pick up something we left off on years ago.
“No. It’s fine. I’ll just get a car. You’re already home for the night. Don’t worry.”
“I can take you home, Saint,” I protest but she’s already grabbing her purse and heading for the door.
I jump up to follow her, but she holds her hand out to stop me.
“I’ll text you about the gala. I’ll see if I can find a dress tomorrow.”
“Okay, but I’m serious about paying for it. I’m asking you to go as part of this whole thing. I don’t mind.”
This is the first time in a long fucking time a woman has made me feel awkward like I don’t have the right words. Like I’m out of practice and running on adrenaline instead of charm. I’m also really not used to them running out the door after they kiss me. So it’s new experiences all around.
“It’s fine. Maybe I’ll find something cheap anyway. I’ll text you,” she repeats and then her hand is on the door. She looks as flustered and confused as I feel right now. A moment later she’s gone, and I’m standing in my living room wondering what the hell just happened.