Chapter Eighteen #3
“Ugh!” She groaned, still trying to get him to come clean without having to rip it out of him.
“Not just Sapphire, but yes, that, too. You could have told me. Me,” she repeated for emphasis.
“About your relationship situation. Situations,” she said, emphasizing the plural, “if you were going to outright hit on me. You act like you don’t even know how your behavior affects other people.
How it affects me! How hard is this? I just need some validation! ”
“No validation without purchase.”
She glared at him with unrestrained vehemence. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You can’t even be serious. Not for one second.” She turned toward the exit.
“Lu!” And of course the plea in his voice stopped her. “I’m sorry.” He lifted his hands, contrite. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you? Because what are you sorry about, Tyler?”
“Can we”—he formed a T with his hands—“just pause a sec?” His eyes scanned the urinals. “Am I the only one breathing through my mouth?”
She rolled her eyes at the ceiling tiles. Ugh. He was right. The overpowering disinfectant smelled worse than whatever it was disinfecting.
“Come on,” he said, holding the door open for her. “Let’s go find another place to fight.”
They stumbled down the trailer steps past the courts, where a number of players suddenly took up dinking practice and pretended very hard that they had not heard every word through the paper-thin trailer walls.
Reeling, Lulu made an instant decision and staggered over to the parking lot.
She opened the sliding door to the van and climbed into the back seat.
He followed, slid the door until it clanged shut, and made a move to scoot in beside her.
Her icy glare stopped him cold. Taking a cue, he slid into the seat in the front and turned to face her.
“I’m sorry I upset you. And I’m sorry you had to find out about my divorce the way you did. Okay? I wanted to tell you earlier, but I’d made a promise to her—”
“Oh! You made a promise! Your promises, Tyler. I just…can’t.” After all this time. All this time! Here was the vendetta she had nurtured for fifteen years, stored in the airtight container of her heart, taken out for review on a semi-regular basis, and magnified with great attention to detail.
And he wanted to know what the problem was. Okay, she thought. Okay. Fine.
“Do you remember when my parents died?”
His eyes bugged open. “God, Lu. Is that what this is about?!”
Salt stung her eyes and she sucked air through her nostrils.
Lulu bit down on her lip, distracting herself from the rush of emotion.
“Yes. This is what this is about.” And then she thought about his monster-sized ego, and this Olivia person, and the way that regardless, to her shame, she still wanted to throw him down in the back of the van and climb on top of him.
“And a whole bunch of other stuff. But yes.”
Something like realization dawned on Tyler’s face, and she wondered how, really, how could he not know the depth of the effect of his actions…or lack thereof.
“Aw, Lu,” he said. And seeing her distress, he hung his head. “Shit.” She could hear his breath catch in his throat. “I know. I know I should have been there for you.” He looked up at her and the tenderness in his expression almost looked like apology. Almost opened the door to forgiveness.
But then he continued. “I know I shoulda been there. But you’ve got to understand.
There was stuff going on back then, Lu. Things that were not my call.
” And let the excuses begin, she thought.
“You have to believe me when I tell you I made other…commitments. A guy can’t just go back on his word, you know? ”
“Commitments?” Was he serious right now? “Like promising you’d be there for me? You gave your word to me, too, or don’t you remember?” she asked just as the van door slid open and Alejandro peeked his head inside.
“Oh good,” Alejandro said as if he had just heard Lulu wish him a pleasant day. “You two are already in here. So we’re all accounted for.”
And with that, Gwendy and Ariana loaded into the van and Bill belted himself into the driver’s seat, everybody exaggerating their efforts to go about their normal business. Lulu, clenching her guts into a ball of impatience, gritted her teeth at the interruption.
Alejandro said, “We have a long drive ahead of us back to Blue Seas, and a big evening planned when we arrive, so feel free to close your eyes, take a nap, and rest up.”
A nap! Ha! She felt as coiled as a bedspring beneath a sleeping elephant. Lulu gave Tyler one more long, simmering glare. Visibly, he withered a little and it gave her great satisfaction. Fuming, she shifted her gaze to the window.
Lulu stared out at the fog-laden mist that hung low over the trees, and she seethed.
Her eyes swept the vista that reached all the way to the wind turbines dotting the distant hillsides.
She took in the roadside stands selling spiky red fruits and papaya and mango.
Her gaze flitted past the farms and the cows and the goats and the calla lilies and the orange flame trees and the occasional sloth.
And despite Alejandro’s suggestion, she intensified her resolve. No. She would not close her eyes. She would not rest up as instructed. She would seethe and fume and smolder like a dormant volcano—one that might erupt at any moment.