Chapter 13
Henry and I walked out towards the crop fields. The breeze was strong but I liked the coolness of it. It helped to keep my head clear.
‘This feels like the last place you belong,’ Henry said once we were alone.
It was the opposite to how I’d been feeling. It made me stumble a little in my step. Was he right?
‘And you changed your hair,’ he continued, giving me an appraising look. ‘Why?’
I glanced across at him. Henry was handsome.
I couldn’t deny that. He was polished to perfection with dark hair, clean-shaven, smelling incredible thanks to the expensive aftershave he wore; he even had manicured hands.
His outfit was expensive as well as his sunglasses.
He was trim but he was only a bit taller than me, something that I knew bugged the hell out of him.
I’d never pick a man based on height but sometimes, his hang-up about it had made me worry.
He was quite judgemental about other people’s appearances and I thought maybe it was to cover his own insecurities, but sometimes, he could be mean.
‘Yeah, it was kind of an impulsive decision but I really like it,’ I said, touching my new hair. I knew I never would have had the nerve to do it with him around. He always said he liked women with long hair. ‘Henry, I said I came here for space. Why did you follow me?’
‘Are you serious?’ He looked out at the crop fields and shook his head.
‘We really are in the back of beyond. Daisy, I came so we could talk. You ran away from our wedding. Out of nowhere! You never said you were unhappy before then. Suddenly, you’re telling me the wedding is off.
I’ve been going out of my mind,’ he cried, with more passion that I thought him capable of, to be honest.
‘I’m sorry that I left it so late to say anything.’
‘Why did you?’
We walked past the sunflowers. I glanced at Henry, who was watching me intently.
‘It had all been getting out of my control. I’d had no say in my own wedding!
And you didn’t seem to notice. And then your mum started talking about what was going to happen after the wedding…
’ I said. ‘That I would give up my job and have babies immediately. We’d never even discussed that, Henry.
You were all planning your future without me having any say in it!
That’s not what I want from a life partner. ’
‘You’re right.’ Henry paused and I stopped too, shocked at his statement.
We faced each other. He took off his sunglasses, his dark eyes meeting mine.
‘My parents took over; I can see that now. I should have seen it, and put a stop to it. I was just so busy with work and I thought you were fine with it. But I really regret it. I should have asked how you were feeling more. And what you wanted. I just thought we were on the same page. You usually agreed with me about everything. I thought we were both happy and excited. You really shocked me when you said you couldn’t go through with it,’ he said, and he did look genuinely upset about that.
‘I feel really guilty for calling it off on the day. And I know your parents went to a lot of trouble and expense, but it’s worrying that you thought I was fine about everything.
When I really wasn’t. I know that’s partly my fault.
And that’s why I knew I couldn’t marry you. It wasn’t fair to either of us.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I never let you in!’ I cried. ‘You don’t know the real me.
I was so scared to be alone that I became your perfect girlfriend.
I did what you wanted. I grasped at the security and family you were offering me, Henry.
I hadn’t had either for so long. But I couldn’t let you see the real me.
I couldn’t lower my walls. I couldn’t open up to you.
Because I am so scared to lose people I love.
And you didn’t notice. That’s why I don’t think what we had was real…
at all,’ I confessed in a rush, finally being honest with him.
I hadn’t wanted to be alone but I realised now that I’d been lonely with Henry.
‘No,’ Henry said, stopping. He turned to me and grabbed hold of my hand, forcing me to stop and face him.
‘That’s not true. Daisy, you’re mine. You belong with me.
We belong together. And we will get married.
We’ll just do it right next time – we’ll plan it, not my parents.
And then everything will be okay,’ he said firmly.
I raised my eyebrow. He wasn’t listening to me. How could I argue with this man? So, I clutched at a straw. ‘What about Blake? We’re here together; we might have something,’ I said. ‘Why would you still want to be with me if that’s the case?’
‘You and Blake?’ he scoffed. ‘Have you slept with him?’ he demanded.
That would have been one lie too far. I shook my head once.
‘Good. I don’t see the two of you together. I don’t see this.’ He let go of my hand to gesture around the farm. ‘None of this is you. You are my fiancée.’ He pointed to my hand. ‘You still wear my ring, darling. You don’t have really feelings for that man.’
I stared at the sparkling diamond ring. Why hadn’t I taken it off yet? I was scared of facing the future alone, I knew that. But I also didn’t want to be with someone and still feel lonely. I shivered at the thought.
‘You’re cold. That Sarah was right; the wind out here is freezing. Let’s walk back and get you into the warm,’ Henry said, taking off again without waiting for my reply.
I trailed after him. I had been enjoying the fresh air. I liked being outside. It was freeing. But once again, he’d decided for me.
‘I know you’re confused right now,’ Henry continued.
‘But you love me. You love our life together. We live in an amazing house, you have everything you want, we have everything we want. I’m sorry about the wedding stuff.
My parents got carried away. I should have said something; that’s on me.
I apologise. Daisy, darling, we can work this out, can’t we?
Don’t throw away five years because of one day. ’
I hesitated, feeling trapped. Then Willow came out of the farmhouse and waved us over. ‘Who’s hungry? My dad has made loads of food. Want to join us?’
I clung to the idea of a group situation instantly. ‘I’m starving,’ I said, quickly throwing her a grateful smile. She had saved me from having to answer Henry, thank God.
‘Can we talk more afterwards?’ Henry asked me.
‘Sure,’ I mumbled, hurrying after Willow into the safety of the farmhouse. Henry sighed but he followed me. I was relieved Willow had bought me some time. I walked into the kitchen and paused to see Blake and Sarah already at the table with Dylan and my uncle.
‘Oh, great,’ Sarah said, loud enough for everyone to hear.
Blake gave me an apologetic smile. They were seated next to each other. It felt wrong to sit down with Henry but I did it anyway. I longed to know what had happened with Blake and Sarah once they were alone. Had it been as difficult as talking to Henry was for me?
‘It’s been a long day all round,’ Willow as she joined us at the table. ‘Some food and drink is just what we need,’ she added, her cheerfulness for once sounding forced.
I wondered if there had ever been a more awkward foursome in history than this.
I seriously doubted it.