Chapter 35 #2
Bronte smiled. ‘We can definitely do that. I think my dad told you that the shop hasn’t been doing great lately and our riding school has also been tough so I really appreciate you thinking of us,’ she said.
‘We really could have done with Blake around to help out. It’s a lot for the three of us managing two businesses and having two kids plus animals to look after.
I really thought Blake might come back; isn’t that crazy? ’ She looked sheepish.
‘It’s not crazy,’ I assured her. ‘I thought coming here had made him realise he wasn’t happy in the city, and he seemed to enjoy being on the farm…
’ I trailed off, not wanting to add with me.
But I thought it. I thought he had been happy with me.
That night we slept outside together, and in his cottage, we had felt so close.
Now, I had no idea where he was or what he was doing.
Was he thinking about me at all? Did he think about his family and his home?
I looked around, amazed if he didn’t miss it.
I missed my childhood home so much sometimes.
I could never go back to mine. It didn’t belong to me any more.
But all this was still here for him. At that thought, I felt a bit pissed off all over again.
‘You know what? If he wants to live a life he doesn’t enjoy and shut himself off then it’s up to him.
I can’t see him enjoying that AI app or working with Sarah or marrying her and living in the city for the rest of his life but I don’t know him well.
Maybe I was mistaken all along. Maybe I just wanted to see what I wanted to see, I don’t know. ’
‘No,’ Bronte said firmly. ‘He lit up here with you. You’re only the second woman he’s ever brought home. And the difference to that visit with Sarah was so marked. I saw the way he looked at you…’
‘It’s okay,’ I told her. ‘I’m not broken-hearted or anything.
I just thought maybe we were starting something, that was all.
And I did think he was happy to be back here.
But, look, let’s make sure us meeting wasn’t for nothing.
Why don’t you come to the farm and meet Willow and see how you two could work together?
I mean, if you want to deal with two mischievous Shetland ponies, that is. ’
We both laughed at that. Bronte nodded. ‘I live with two men and two kids; I can handle two ponies,’ she said with a wink.
We finished our coffee and a slice of cheesecake then Bronte followed me out to my car.
She needed to collect her kids from a party but said she could come to the farm tomorrow morning to talk to Willow.
As I was leaving, she mentioned that Bill would love to see me so I decided to stop in at his antiques shop on my way home.
I was intrigued to look around again anyway.
‘Daisy, it’s lovely to see you again,’ he said when I walked into the shop.
Like the first time I’d come in, there were no customers.
I thought about Birchbrook’s busy High Street and I felt sad for Bill.
As Bronte had, he too looked behind me for Blake and I had to tell him he’d gone home.
‘That’s a shame but I’m not surprised. I think maybe Bronte got her hopes up that he might stick around this summer.
’ He sighed. ‘She’ll be upset with him.’
‘I wish he had stayed too,’ I admitted as I looked around the shop. ‘You have some beautiful things in here. I’ll tell everyone in Birchbrook they need to pay you a visit.’
‘That’s kind of you. I think it might be time to face facts that things aren’t really working here, though. And we don’t have the money to fix it.’
I felt another wave of anger towards Blake. His family were struggling and he was about to make money with this app and didn’t seem to care about them back here. ‘I’m sorry, Bill. Oh…’ My attention was caught by a cuckoo clock propped up on a table. It was a pretty baby blue. ‘Does this work?’
‘Sure does.’ Bill came over and moved the clock on so it struck the hour and a cuckoo slid out to announce it. It was painted white, matching the flowers on top.
‘My mum had a cuckoo clock in her flower shop. This one reminds me of it. It’s so pretty.
’ I stared at it, picturing it on the wall in the shop.
‘I’ll take it,’ I said, knowing I couldn’t leave without it.
‘I keep saying I don’t believe in signs but I don’t know, this summer, I keep seeing so many that remind me of my mum and her shop, of flowers and new beginnings, like my name…
’ I realised I was half-speaking to myself but Bill was nodding along anyway.
‘I once woke up and my ex-wife wasn’t next to me in bed. I went downstairs and saw she was out in the garden looking up at the stars in the sky. I think I knew in that moment, she was going to leave. She was searching for something that she just couldn’t find here with us.’
‘How can you leave your children?’ I wondered aloud as Bill carried the clock to the till and went behind the counter to start wrapping it for me.
My gaze travelled to the other parts of the shop I hadn’t looked at yet.
The whole place was full of treasures. There surely were people who would want to come and unearth them.
‘I think she found family life just too hard,’ Bill replied. ‘I think her going left my kids with two very different feelings. Bronte had always been keen to have a family of her own. And to settle down here. But Blake was different; he was always looking up at the stars like his mother had done.’
I thought back to the moment when I’d been star-gazing with Blake.
‘I think maybe he thinks he should dream big, and that has taken him away from here. But all dreams are big. All dreams are important. We all want different things in life, and that’s okay.
There are people who explore the world and people who stay at home.
It doesn’t mean that one is happier than the other, does it?
’ I wondered if Blake thought his mum had felt happier by leaving.
I wondered if the opposite might actually be true.
‘And sometimes, people are scared to be happy.’
She might have run because she had too much here, she was too happy, she had too much to lose. I understood that feeling. I had spent half my life worried about losing things that made me happy, or worried about losing people I loved, so I hadn’t let myself have either.
‘You’re wise beyond your years,’ Bill said as he put the bubble-wrapped clock into a tote bag with the shop name written on it.
‘You know what it’s like to be scared of being happy, but don’t let that stop you.
You have too much to offer the world. And your parents wouldn’t want you to be scared of anything.
They would want you to be fearless, and happy too. ’
My eyes welled up. ‘Thank you.’ I pulled out my credit card but he shook his head.
‘No charge today, Daisy. You brought back Blake to us, and that meant everything.’
I protested but he wouldn’t budge so I left the shop promising I would come back again over the summer, hoping that he wouldn’t let the shop go before then.
My anger at Blake rose up again then as I replayed the conversation I’d had with his dad and sister.
They needed him, but he’d gone back to Sarah like they didn’t matter.
Didn’t he realise how lucky he was to have them?
So when I got back into Willow’s car, after placing my new clock carefully on the seat beside me, I pulled out my phone and wrote a text message to Blake.
I’ve just come from visiting your family.
Your dad is suffering. Your sister was upset you left without telling them.
She hoped you would come home. They both did.
They need you, Blake. I know we don’t know each other well but I saw your face when you came back here.
You’ve missed it here, and them. Whatever is going on in the city, and with Sarah, don’t forget about your home here. They need you and you need them.
I would give anything to be able to go home. I wish I could turn back the clock and see my parents again. Don’t wake up one day and regret not being there for them. You’ll never forgive yourself. Your mum walked away. Don’t do the same thing.
You worry about failing. But the only way you will fail is if you live a life that doesn’t make you happy. Are you happy? I don’t know. I hope you are but something tells me you’re not.
People walk away, people dream big, people do all kinds of things but they also regret them.
Maybe your mum regrets leaving you all. She will probably never admit it.
But you’re a better person than that. You can admit if you’re wrong and you are capable of following your heart.
Just like you told me I was. You encouraged me to live the life I wanted, to let myself really live again – why don’t you take your own advice?
I wish you well whichever path you choose to take.
Just make sure it’s your choice.
Before I could chicken out, I sent the long and impassioned message. It was the first text I’d sent him. We’d been together almost every day so we hadn’t needed to message each other. But now he was far away.
I had no idea how he would take it but I felt so much better for sharing my thoughts. I hated to think he might have regrets like mine one day.
Driving back to the farm, I let Blake go.