Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
brIAR
T eagan had decided to go for a walk the next morning as I tried to find the energy to move around. She was still working long distance, and I knew taking so much time off to help me through the pregnancy had to be draining on her. I hadn’t wanted to go back to Ashford Creek and while she hadn’t truly understood, she’d dropped everything to help me. I’d never be able to repay her.
The night before, Ava and Aurora had walked me up to my room and made sure I got room service. Soon after Teagan had opened the door, eyes narrowed at the situation, the three women had somehow bonded.
For some reason in my head Teagan would have yelled at them and been annoyed because they were Wilders, but perhaps maybe the solidarity of wanting to make sure I didn’t lose my mind made them best friends. So now the three of them were on a walk on the property to go see the vines.
All because I was supposed to be sleeping after having a large breakfast.
I had a feeling that the Wilder women orchestrated this so I could have a moment alone, perhaps to collect my thoughts, and I was grateful. My sister had spent the past few months only taking care of me. And not taking care of herself in the slightest.
Teagan needed to keep busy and worried about other things, instead of thinking about Mal, and part of me had understood the feeling.
The rest of me needed to figure out what I was supposed to do about Gabriel Wilder.
Sun slid through the curtains, and I stared at the light playing on the wall. This wasn’t how I’d expected the trip to go, then again, I wasn’t sure I’d had any expectations at all. In fact, I’d done my best not to make them. And perhaps that had been a disservice to each of us.
Knowing I needed to get ready for the day, I levered myself out of bed and headed to the bathroom to shower. I’d take a walk, get some decaf tea, and overthink as usual. Maybe I’d work on the song that had been bugging me for weeks now. The music always played in my head. It might have been slightly quieter than before, but it still sung.
I knew that some artists could write through the pain and use their agony to write. Yet I hadn’t been able to put the past few months into words, let alone lyrics that were supposed to soothe the soul—or tear it into pieces.
I showered quickly and dressed in one of the random comfort wear pieces I’d packed. I’d ended up packing far too much, but I hadn’t known how long this was going to take or what I wanted to wear. Everything felt blah anyway.
I dried my hair only so it would last longer and I wouldn’t have to wash it the next day. Then, with a touch of mascara and lip balm, I was ready for the day.
And by ready, I meant awake.
With a sigh, I headed down to the breakfast area, grateful they had a few scones out for an easy breakfast, and used the ready-made tea service to make a cup of decaf tea. I could have gone to the restaurant for a full breakfast or got room service like the others had planned, but I was too nervous to do anything more.
People milled about, getting ready for their days, and from what I overheard, there would be a wedding on the grounds later. Gabriel had always said the Wilders knew how to do weddings and one day I wanted to see that.
I knew I couldn’t watch people promise forevers right now, however. Not when I didn’t know what my future would be. Not with Baby Girl kicking at my ribs as she was. I’d had months to come to terms with the idea of motherhood and a new life. Yet all along, I knew I wouldn’t truly be prepared for anything.
Not without Gabriel.
And that worried me more than I thought possible.
I finished my scone and tea, then used the restroom again since Baby Girl wanted to play soccer with my bladder. Then, not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to bombard Gabriel’s little cabin, I figured I’d see if I could catch up with my sister on her walk.
As I made my way outside, I finally felt like I could breathe again. The Wilder Retreat honestly took my breath away. The main building was two stories tall, with a villa-like architecture. The front pavers were square and gorgeous and moved along into a path to go toward the wedding venue. There was a huge fountain in the front, though it didn’t have water right now. This was Texas, after all, and they were in a drought.
But they had added lights to it to still make it look like an art piece. I knew there were other buildings on the property, a couple of restaurants, a distillery and bar, and even a whole winery that I knew that my sister was at right now.
And while a glass of wine sounded like perfection, it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
“It’s okay, Baby Girl. We’re going to get through this.” I patted my stomach, knowing that I probably needed to think of a name.
Only thinking of a name in this moment meant I would have to do it by myself. And that meant making a claim without Gabriel. Even though I wanted to hate him right then—and there were so many reasons for me to do so in this moment—I couldn’t take that choice away until I knew what he was thinking.
We all went through grief in different ways, and while I was so damn angry with him for how he had ignored me, I couldn’t blame him either. I’d wanted to ignore the world. Except Baby Girl and I couldn’t ignore each other. Especially not when she was kicking at my bladder.
“Come on, I just peed. Can’t you kick something else?” I muttered and let out a sigh.
“Do you think the baby can hear you?”
I froze at that deep and familiar voice, my heart doing that twisting motion it always did when he was near. I looked up into the eyes that I had done my best to forget. I had failed in that endeavor, but I had always tried.
That voice made millions. That voice drew people in like moths to a flame. It had done so to me, even though I had done my best to ignore it. And now that voice was asking about my baby.
Our baby.
“I’d like to think so. Sometimes she’ll stop kicking when I ask gently.”
“ She .”
Gabriel’s voice cracked at the word, and I swallowed hard. Then I pulled my gaze away from those blue eyes that drew me in far too often before taking a good look at the man who’d changed my life. He had worn jeans, work boots, and a gray, long-sleeve shirt on. His hair was wet and pushed back from his face, but he hadn’t shaved. That beard going strong.
The dark circles under his eyes matched mine, and I wanted to wrap my arms around him and try to find a way to breathe again. Yet at the same time, I wanted to scream at him for ignoring me and the world for so long.
Instead, I answered his unasked question. “Yes, it’s a girl. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to find out at first. Only then I realized nothing else in my life was certain and at some point, I needed to hold on to something real.”
“I’m sorry, Briar. I’m so fucking sorry.”