Chapter 37 Annalise
Annalise
“Ready or not, here I come!”
I flick my fingers open, peeking through the crack. Sunlight stings my eyes. I wonder where he could be.
Blinking away the glow, I whip my head in every direction, the playground bustling with children in rompers and moms with strollers and coffee cups.
I pop up from a crouch and step away from the tree. “Where are you, Alex?” I call out, cupping my hands around my mouth. I know he won’t answer. That’s the whole point.
My jelly sandals crunch against dry grass and wood chips as I poke my head into tunnel slides and peer around fat trees.
Nothing. No Alex.
Five minutes rush by, and all I’ve done is run in circles. Then my gaze sweeps to the tree line behind the park. The woods.
Surely he wouldn’t hide there. Way too spooky.
My heart skips as I think about the witches and warlocks hiding in the woods. Alex told me all about them. They’re ugly and mean and eat plump children just for fun.
A shiver rolls through me. But my feet start moving, headed toward the woods.
“Alex!” I yell at the top of my lungs. The wind picks up and the sun dips behind a swirl of gray clouds. “Alex, come on! I’m done playing!”
I trek through the opening of the forest, thicket and branches tangling around my ankles. Leaves smack me in the face. Rocks and pebbles poke my bare toes, making me wince. Minutes roll by. Then a few more. I wrap my arms around my body as fear ripples through me.
A branch snaps in the distance.
I freeze.
A witch!
Terrifying images tunnel through my mind. Bubbling cauldrons and cackling voices. A green face covered in warts and a knobby finger pointing at me.
And the moment I spin around with my hands over my eyes, something tackles me.
“Gotcha!”
I topple backward, landing in a mound of moss and weeds as the air whooshes out of me. My head thunks against the earth, sending a jolt of pain through me.
Then my hands are yanked apart until I’m staring up into two twinkling green eyes.
“You jerkhead!” I smack his shoulder, rubbing the back of my head. “That hurt!”
Alex rolls off me, laughing until he can’t breathe. “You should have seen your face.”
“You scared me. I thought you were a witch!”
“There’s no such thing, Annalise. Monsters aren’t real.”
“You said they were.”
“That’s because your nose gets all scrunchy when you’re scared.” He bops my nose with a dirty finger. “It’s kind of cute.”
I huff, propping up on my elbow.
“I guess I win,” he declares. “You never would have found me.”
“You shouldn’t hide in the woods. What if a bear ate you?”
“You’d protect me.”
“I’m too small. Only nine years old.”
“Yeah, but you’re brave. And I always feel safe when you’re around.”
A smile forms, goofy and crooked. “That’s true. You’re my best friend.”
Alex sits up, his knees bent, as he reaches for a stick and draws pictures in the dirt. “Do you think we’ll get married one day?”
“Duh. That’s what best friends do.”
He draws a heart, then adds our initials in the center.
AA + AA.
Annalise Adams and Alex Anderson.
I beam.
“We can have a wedding by the ocean,” he says, brushing inky black bangs out of his eyes.
Nodding brightly, I sit up straight and cross my legs. “Right at sunset. With mermaids and dolphins and colorful fish.”
“Definitely.”
“Monkeys too.”
“Monkeys?” He snorts a laugh. “That’s stupid. Besides, I don’t think they like the ocean.”
“We can bring one. As a pet.”
Alex draws a monkey in the dirt, but it looks more like a disfigured dog. He looks up at me then, the smile fading. “You’ll never leave me, right?”
I frown, confused. “Why would I leave you?”
“I dunno. People leave when they don’t love you enough. Sometimes I think my mom and dad might leave.”
“They wouldn’t leave. They love you.”
He nods, but his grip tightens on the stick, carving lines in the dirt like he’s trying to dig a hole deep enough to jump into. His voice drops, almost too soft to hear. “Promise you won’t ever leave.”
A trickling of raindrops break through the clouds. I tip my face to the sky, watching as the treetops shimmy when a sharp breeze rolls through. Rain pelts my cheeks and eyes, and I blink away the droplets, a chill settling in my bones.
Letting out a shaky breath, I reach for Alex’s hand and squeeze.
“I promise,” I whisper.
And I meant it.
God, I meant it.
***
Silence greets me as I enter the condo.
The same silence from the woods, right before the snap of a branch. Right before Alex tackled me. But this time, there’s no laugh at the end. No hands pulling mine apart. No twinkling eyes or promises steeped in childhood innocence.
Just the sound of my heart giving out.
I drop my purse in the entryway and slip out of my wet shoes. My face is streaked with rain and tears, my body shivering with regret.
“Annalise?” Alex’s voice seeps from the main bedroom, followed by the sound of footsteps. He pokes his head out from the hallway, his eyes raking over me. “Hey.”
I can’t find words. Can’t smile. Can’t move.
Alex knows me well enough to know something is off.
Irreparably wrong.
The condo still lingers with the scent of salmon and veggies after I gulped down dinner, moments before running out the door and into the arms of another man.
The smell congeals in my gut.
Cautiously, he steps forward, meeting me in the center of the living room. His eyes slant with suspicion. “You’re soaking wet.”
A clipped nod.
“You’ve been crying.”
Another nod.
His nostrils flare. A long pause.
And then: “What did you do?”
The question slices through me. Everything inside me stumbles, my pulse thudding in my ears. The air between us stretches thin, as if the walls themselves are holding their breath.
We stare at each other.
The silence grows heavier, unbearable.
Then the words burst out of me. “I kissed him.”
While I planned to confess, I hadn’t wanted to like this. This is an ambush. But I can’t hold it in, can’t go another second with this secret locked inside me, hollowing out my heart.
“I kissed him, Alex.”
He blinks like he didn’t hear me correctly. But he did. The way the color drains from his face tells me he registered every word.
“I’m so sorry.” Nausea wobbles in the pit of my stomach, a boat fighting storm-charged waves. This guilt is no less than a death sentence. “I’m sorry. So sorry. I just…” My voice grows small.
He gapes at me, mouth ajar, eyes dull and lifeless. Then he ducks his head, stares down at the floor.
I step forward, my hands linked together, nails biting into my skin. “Alex…”
“Don’t.” Hardly a whisper. A broken breath. He swipes a hand over his face and cups his chin. “I can’t hear this.”
“You have to. Please. I need to get this off my chest before it buries me.”
“Buries you?” Head snapping up, he glares at me with heat and fire and rage. “You just cheated on me.”
I nod because it’s true. Because I did. Because I hate myself for it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for—”
“Fuck that. Fuck you.” He stomps forward until we’re inches apart and he’s practically spitting in my face. “Fuck you, Annalise.”
His voice fractures into smithereens.
I cower.
Tears slip down my cheeks, an endless flood. But I have to get the words out. “I know it was wrong,” I say, the truth shaking out of me. “I know. I own it. But…I’m not happy. I haven’t been for a long time.”
His laugh is bitter and sharp. “So that was your fix? Running off to screw another guy?”
“No, it… It was just a kiss.”
“Is that supposed to help? Will you sleep better at night knowing it was just a kiss?”
My gaze locks onto him. Older. Stronger. Shoulders broader, face harder. But still Alex. Still the boy with the green eyes who used to walk me home and hold my hand like it was a secret. But now those eyes are rimmed red, darker than the sky that day in the woods. “No,” I whisper.
“Good.” His lips twist into something cruel.
“I hope it eats you alive, knowing you betrayed the one person who gave you everything. Who loved you more than life. Who stood by you through every storm, every loss, since we were kids. I carried you, Annalise.” A finger jabs at my face. “I fucking carried you.”
“And that’s exactly where we went wrong!
” I shout, voice rupturing, a shot of strength overpowering the guilt.
“You carried me. You built this whole life around me. The condo, the job, everything. I have one friend, and you don’t even like her.
I feel isolated. Lost. God, I haven’t even cooked a meal for myself in years!
” My face crumples, grief seeping out of me.
“And I let you. I let you bleed into every piece of me because I didn’t know how to be without you.
Because I thought a ring could fix us. Because I thought love meant loyalty, no matter the cost. Even when I couldn’t hear my own voice over yours. ”
Darkness washes over his face. “Right,” he rasps. “I forgot. You’re famous now. Out with the old, in with the new.”
“No. It’s not like that.” Shaking my head, I reach for him. “I’ve always wanted that life. Writing, music. And I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve tried to hold space for your pain, your anger, for everything you’ve been through, but somewhere along the way…I started disappearing.”
He jerks his arm out of reach.
“I didn’t kiss him because I stopped caring about you,” I continue, barely holding myself together. “I kissed him because, for just a few minutes, I felt like myself again. Real. Seen.”
“That’s a bullshit, cowardly excuse,” he throws back. “I’ve never cheated, never even looked at another woman. All. I. See. Is. You.”
“Do you?”
A heavy silence stretches between us.
Slowly, I lift my arm and show him my wrist. “Did you see this?”
His gaze latches onto the coiled bruise, glowing green and gray.
“Do you even realize you did it?”
Alex swallows.
I watch the fight drain out of him, the fury melting into something else.
Horror. Fear.
He shakes his head. “I didn’t do that.”
“You did.” My voice unravels into threads of sadness. “You did.”