Chapter 13
AGift
Trevor
I sitin my truck staring down at the documents dropped off at my work site today. I was prepared to open it and find some more bullshit from Donna and her attorneys.
Instead, I found a divorce decree. I’ll have to remember never to piss Tasha off. She didn’t like Donna before meeting her. Whatever happened while I took my walk with Sammy made her loathe the woman enough to have Paige promise me I would have a divorce within the week.
I had no idea she could make that promise come true. After my dinner with Paige and Bobby, I figured two to three weeks tops. Yet here I sit staring down at my freedom.
I thought this would feel different. However, I feel hollow. The broken pieces of my heart are scattered, and I’m not sure I have it in me to put them back together.
For so long, I thought I was the problem. I never gave it my all or tried hard enough. Every time Donna hurled those accusations at me, I took them to heart and believed it was me.
Our failed marriage was my fault. Some part of me still feels she may have been right, but I didn’t turn her into the person she is. A person I could never love, even if there wasn’t someone else out there who’s always had my heart.
I shake my head and dial the first person who comes to mind. I need to talk to someone who knows me, who knows the man I hope I am.
“Hello, son. How are you?” Daddy answers.
“Hey, Daddy. It’s done. I’m finally divorced,” I say for the first time aloud.
“Congratulations. It’s about damn time. I hope now we can all be rid of her,” he mumbles the last part.
“I’m sorry I ever brought her into our lives.”
“I wish you would have listened to my advice in the first place,” he mutters.
“I did. You said to do the right thing.”
He sighs on the other end. “Trev, I didn’t mean to marry that girl. Oh God, is that what you thought I meant?”
“Well, yeah. If you didn’t, what did you mean?”
“I wanted you to go after Cakes. I thought you would make sure you weren’t the father and then you’d go talk to Cakes and mend things between you. I always thought something was off with Donna. Then Jess was born, and I sort of felt guilty.
“I tried to give her the benefit of doubt after that, but she just kept proving her character to be what I initially thought. She’s mean-spirted, a bigot, and doesn’t have a motherly bone in her body. The woman would eat her own children if it served her.”
“Well, damn, Daddy. I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“I’ve thought it for a long time. She solidified it with all that crap she pulled with Tam and Brad. Enough about her. It’s time everyone heals from the situation. What do you have planned, son?”
“That’s the thing. I’ve been wanting this for so long. Now I have it, and I don’t know what to do. There’s a part of me that doesn’t know if I deserve this.”
“Trevor Paul Monroe, I’m going to stop you right there. You’re a good son, and one hell of a father. I’m proud of you.
“You don’t have a selfish bone in your body, and it shows in how you raise those kids. Any other man would have walked out with Jess and left Donna years ago. You stepped up and took care of Jess, then figured out how to be a father to twins and a six-year-old with no help from their mother.
“I was certain you were going to call it quits when Bam was born. You made me proud taking those children with you when you left. Son, you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer you.
“I have hopes for your future, but I’m confident what’s for you will make its way to you. You’re right. You’ve waited a long time for this. Scoot and Bam are here with us.
“Go out, have a few beers, and do some dancing. Celebrate. You deserve it,” he finishes.
“Thanks, Daddy. I needed to hear that. Maybe I’ll continue going to those sessions. Dr. Winsor has helped me see the pieces that are broken. Maybe if I stick around, she’ll help me figure out how to fix what’s come undone,” I muse.
“Maybe you already know, but you’re allowing fear to creep in to steal your joy.”
I chuckle. “You always know how to stick the cold hard truth in there, don’t you?”
“The best fathers do. Speaking of which. Maybe now I can ask you something.”
“What’s that?”
“What did you say to Cakes to make her order everyone never to mention you to her. I’ve wanted to ask for years, but … Well, you were married, and it didn’t seem right.”
I sit with a frown on me face. This is news to me. I have no idea what he’s talking about. The last time we spoke was right before my truck was smashed into and flipped over.
“Daddy, I have no idea.”
* * *
Lynn
“Nanna, it’s me,”I call into the house.
She called me this morning and asked me to come by. I wasn’t about to tell her no. Besides, I’ve been meaning to stop by.
“It better be you walking up in my house, hollering like you’re in a barn. I got my frying pan ready if it ain’t you. I’m in the kitchen, girl. I made lunch for them big fellas you always have with you,” she calls back.
“Hey, Mrs. Agatha,” Elise sings as we step into the kitchen and find Nanna taking pies from the oven.
Nanna gives her a tight hug before doing the same with Maggie. She runs a hand over the side of both their faces, looking between the two with a smile.
“Should’ve known you two would be with her too. Pook was a lucky girl to have such good friends. You two take such good care of my stubborn little girl.
“It would make me happy to see you all settle down. Such smart and pretty girls. You can’t run behind Babycakes for forever,” Nanna says.
“I’ve tried. It didn’t work out for me,” Maggie says.
“Same,” Elise mutters.
Nanna sighs. “If only you girls would take a chance on looking at the bigger picture. Oh, what do I know? I’m old, I’ve only lived this life and learned a thing or two,” she says with so much sarcasm I can’t help but smile.
“Get over here 007 and Tyler Rake,” she says to Matthew and Wilson.
This time I do burst into laughter. Matt and Wilson laugh too as they go and embrace her. Nanna smiles as she inhales Matthew, then peeks over at Maggie.
“Mm-hm,” she murmurs.
“Nanna, what do you know about Tyler Rake?”
“It was between Tyler Rake and Jake Bauer. Girl, I’ve seen Extraction 1, 2, and 3. I’m on my second turn watching all seasons of 24. What else is there to do when I’m not cooking, baking, and don’t have company.”
“Speaking of which, where’s your little buddy?”
“Spending time with her daddy. She’ll be back before supper.”
“Oh,” I say, feeling a little disappointed.
The little girl has a welcoming smile. She’s taken on so many of my nanna’s mannerisms, it makes her a pleasure to be around. I start to wonder what Trevor’s boys are like.
I learned from Jess that Snacks is a twin, and they have another brother who’s the youngest. I shake the thought off. I’ve learned more than I should know about Trev.
“You four fix yourselves a plate and take a slice of pie. Then get. I need to talk to my granddaughter for a bit,” Nanna says to my crew.
Everyone here knows what Nanna’s cooking tastes like. You don’t have to tell them twice to get it while it’s hot. Matt and Wilson pile their plate high then each take a slice of two different pies before hurrying off out of the kitchen.
Elise dances while singing and getting her serving. Maggie gets food on her plate then turns to look sheepishly at Nanna before turning to add more before cutting her pie and finding the ice cream in the freezer.
Nanna chuckles while watching them. I begin to laugh when I see Matt and Wilson hovering outside the kitchen not sure where to go. Meanwhile, Elise has found a tray for drinks as Maggie balances plates to follow her.
It dawns on me that I’ve never brought my little family home to experience this place of love. Nanna has always come to us. As I look at her now, I can see that’s not going to be able to continue much longer.
Nor should it. I’m being selfish making my family come to me for the holidays. In the beginning, I was so happy to be able to afford to do so that I didn’t much think about the inconvenience it’s been.
Now as I think of the people here who love my family, I can’t see asking them to continue to make those trips. I should be the one to come home. Elise may run from her family, but Maggie has folks here she wants to see more often and some years my tours don’t allow her enough time.
“Am I a terrible person?” I blurt out.
“What makes you ask that?” Nanna says turning her gaze toward me.
“I have my reasons for not wanting to be in Texas, but I shouldn’t be punishing everyone else for those.”
She reaches to cover my hand with her warm one and gives it a gentle pat. I drop my gaze into my lap. Shame and guilt consume me.
“Stop being so hard on yourself. I believe you’ve done what you felt would protect you. Trust me, I wouldn’t have gone along with it if not for that belief,” she says.
“Yeah, but I’m starting to feel like I took the coward’s way out. Even Daddy has taken to Trevor and his family. Maybe I shouldn’t have thrown everything out with the bath water.”
“We’ve taken to Trev’s children, not his family. Although Collen is a sweet boy and I feel terrible for him.”
“Collen? Who’s that?”
“Trevor’s brother-in-law. He’s only two years older than Jess. Poor thing just wants to be loved, but that witch uses that to manipulate him like she does everyone else,” Nanna says.
Her anger is rising with each word. I’m starting not to like this woman and I’ve never met her. Good thing I don’t ever plan on meeting her.
“Anyway, that’s not what I called you here for. I think your father is going about this the wrong way. You need access to those books.
“If he waits on you to forgive Trevor, that ranch will be lost to us all.” She reaches into her apron. “Here, you take this. The safe is in his office. You might not like what you find.”
“Nanna, is the ranch in trouble?”
“Nothing that can’t be fixed with a fresh pair of eyes. Moses has been trying to do everything on his own for so long, I don’t think he sees what can be done.
“To be honest, I think he’s trying to let it go because there’s no one to leave it to. I won’t have it. Our family has fought for every acre of that land. It belongs to our family.”
My heart aches. We always thought Pook would step in. This guilt is only growing by the minute.
“Don’t you go blaming yourself for this. You’ve been doing what we’ve all wanted for you. That ranch will survive us all. I know in my spirit you’ll find the right solutions.”
“I’ll do my best. Thank you, Nanna.”
“You’re welcome. Now, about my young friend Trevor. I know you don’t want to know about him, but you need to know that’s a good man.
“Nanna,” I drag out.
She sighs. “Lynn, I know you’re a grown woman now. You have a right to do what you want. However, I know this ain’t what you want.
“Something has happened while you’ve been away. You don’t have to tell me what, but I know something other than Trevor has turned you off men and love.
“You think I don’t see? I know Trevor hurt you, but something closed that door not long after. My God, you haven’t dated anyone in years. You’re a gorgeous woman.
“You can’t tell me not one man has been drawn into that light that spills from you. No matter how much you love Trevor or how handsome those Monroe men are, if you didn’t close yourself off, you would have others to entertain,” she says while searching my face.
My chin wobbles as her words hit their mark. After Walter, I shut down completely. I don’t feel safe with men. Not in an intimate way. Matthew is my closest male relationship.
Even Wilson gets most of his directives through Matthew, as that’s who I’m most comfortable with. I will forever be grateful to Cody for seeing how much I needed a male person in my life I could trust.
Cody has his own life and couldn’t be there twenty-four seven. He, Elise, and Maggie did all they could to help me after that incident. Elise and Cody were the ones who talked to my aunt and then my aunt called whoever she did to handle the situation.
However, men aren’t a safe space for me. I don’t even know if I could allow Trevor back in. It took Matthew a while to gain my trust. If not for Melody, I don’t know if I ever would have trusted him.
“Nanna, I’m trying,” I say on the verge of tears.
She stands and pulls me into her arms, kissing the top of my head. “I know you are. I see things y’all don’t tell me.
“You’re going to be just fine. Once you stop running, it’s all gonna fall into place. The truth will always set you free, Babycakes. Truth is, your healing is right here in Texas.”
Maybe she’s right. It feels like something is holding me here. I don’t think it’s Trevor or has anything to do with him, but something is calling me home.