35. Must Have Been Really Hard
MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY HARD
WILL
In all my thirty-two years, I don’t recall ever being this nervous before a date.
After realising we’d never actually been on a date before, I’m determined to do things the right way with Annie. And that includes taking her on a first date of epic proportions.
But I think I severely miscalculated my ability to plan an epic date.
“Seriously, Bug, help me,” I plead with Kylie on Tuesday afternoon as we sit on my parents’ back deck.
I’ve been scrolling through various blogs all outlining the best date places in Brisbane, and now my brain is fried.
Seth has taken the boys to the park to try to work off some excess energy, and Mum went with them.
I have no idea where Dad is, but that just leaves my not-so-helpful little sister to try to bounce ideas off of.
“Why is this so difficult for you? It’s Annelisa! You know what she likes and doesn’t like,” Kylie replies, inspecting her nails closely.
She pulls a nail kit out of her handbag and starts filing, and the casualness of her actions almost tips me over the edge. It’s possible that I’m incredibly stressed right now.
I toss my phone down on the table between us.
“Things with Annie were always just easy… Until they weren’t.
We kind of skipped over the dating part.
Hard to date when you’re sixteen and you need your parents to drive you around, so most of our initial time together was at school and at one or the other’s house afterwards.
When we were old enough to drive, dates were always a group activity…
And then we moved in together and domesticity truly set in… ”
She finally takes pity on me and puts the nail file down. “Why does it need to be something fancy? She hasn’t suddenly turned into this high maintenance person who expects red carpet treatment. Just take her for fish and chips on the beach or something.”
I glare at her for a moment. “That is lame, and you know it. Where did Seth take you on your first date?”
She smirks. “Rome.”
“Well, that won’t fucking work,” I grumble, and she laughs.
She finally seems to give it some thought and is quiet for a moment.
“What about like a picnic at Kangaroo Point Cliffs, or something like that? You guys always went there, for your walks, right? I remember last time I was there, I saw these fancy picnic set ups overlooking the city. I think a company sets them up and you just show up and eat the food, drink the wine… That could be good?”
I consider her suggestion. It could be good… And it’s also something I’ve not done before, so no risk of accidentally repeating a date I’ve had with someone else.
Ugh, modern dating is hard.
I’d told Annie to leave all the arrangements up to me, and to wear something nice, so I should be able to make this work. And if it fails, at least we’ll have something to laugh about together .
By the time Friday evening rolls around, the nerves I’ve barely been able to keep a lid on all week have taken up residence in my stomach and are doing a little dance when I pull up in front of the address Annie gave me.
After walking up several flights of stairs, I press the doorbell outside the gate that is attached to a large balcony and admire the little garden set up while I wait for her.
While I know this is her Mum’s place, it’s obvious that Annie spends a lot of time out here, and I can see little stamps of her personality all over it.
She was always the sort of person who liked little knick-knacks, and the quirkier, the better.
There’s a shelf against the far wall, full of little plants, and each pot is a different shape and colour.
The one on the middle shelf is shaped like a typewriter, and it’s all just so quintessentially Annie that I can feel the nerves dissipate a little.
Kylie was right, she’s still the same Annie. We might have had seven years apart, but she’s still the woman who collects book pins and all things book related.
“Hey.” Annie appears on the other side of the metal gate and smiles as she unlocks it. “Come in.”
I’m mute for a moment, drinking in her appearance while I run my eyes over her.
She’s wearing a blue dress that shows more than a little cleavage and floats down to skim her thighs.
She’s got a denim jacket over the top, and white high heels that look very difficult to walk in.
In short, she looks fucking stunning, and my mouth has gone dry.
Her smile falters a little before she looks down at her dress.
Eventually, I step through the gate, shutting it behind me before turning back to cup her face in my hands. “You look amazing.”
She pauses for a moment before smiling again, and I can’t resist brushing my lips to hers.
“I just need to grab my handbag,” she whispers after I pull away slightly.
“Okay. ”
I stay where I am, prepared to wait for her outside, but she turns to look at me over her shoulder as she steps through the front door. “Aren’t you coming in?”
I nod and follow her inside. The same sense of nostalgia I’d felt when I saw her things on the balcony hits me when I look around.
Annie’s Mum has set the lounge room up the same way it was at her old house, and it’s hard not to be transported back to the past as I take it all in.
I can also see the places where Annie has left her mark.
Bookshelves line all three walls, and I recognise a few of the books as ones I’d packed myself after she’d left.
Refusing to let thoughts of that time ruin the night, I force myself to look away, and my gaze finds hers while she watches me from the hallway. She’s fidgeting with her hands, and I see the nerves playing across her face. Guess I’m not the only one worried about how this is going to go between us.
“I like what you’ve done with the place,” I tell her, sliding my hands into my pockets.
“It’s mostly Mum’s stuff, obviously. But I was going through a few boxes of my stuff the other day, and the bookshelves were empty, so…”
I nod, understanding the sentiment. “I know. I recognise a few things,” I say, nodding towards the shelf of photos and figurines above the TV.
The photo in the middle makes me pause, and I step closer to inspect it. It’s a photo from our first group camping trip, and we’re all laughing.
“God, I haven’t seen this photo in…” My words trail off while the memories flood back.
We’d been trying to get the timer working for a group photo, and Kylie had sprinted back after setting her phone up, skidding into place to lie at the front before the flash went off.
It had been so funny to watch that the rest of us cracked up laughing just as the photo was taken.
It perfectly embodied how much fun we all had together, and my eyes are drawn to where Annie and I are standing in the middle with our heads touching.
She has her hand over her mouth, and her eyes twinkle while she looks down at Kylie, who is the only one grinning at the camera. Everyone else is looking at Kylie.
Except for me.
I’m looking at Annie with the biggest, dopiest grin on my face. Like she hung the moon.
“It was always one of my favourites…” Annie steps up beside me, her tone wistful
“Mine too.”
She’s quiet for a moment, and I can feel the nervous energy rolling off her.
“I’m sorry I left you to pack up all my stuff… That must have been really hard.”
I draw in a breath, not sure I’m ready to go there. But maybe we should get these last little moments out before we try and move forward…
“Yeah… It sucked. Morgan offered to do it for me, but I didn’t want anyone touching your stuff.
I knew how much every little thing meant to you…
It took me a few months before I could face it though.
And then, when I took everything to your mum’s place…
I came home and the house felt so empty.
I moved out a few weeks later. I couldn’t handle being there without you,” I say, swallowing hard.
She reaches out and touches my arm, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry, Will.”
I think this is the first time that she’s actually apologised for how she left.
She’s told me how much she regretted it, but hearing the actual words is something I hadn’t realised I needed until this moment.
The last vestiges of resentment I’d been ignoring float away, and I turn to face her, reaching up to stroke her cheek.
“Thank you. I appreciate you saying that. It was hard without you, but I got through it. And I understand why you left… But I’m gl ad you’re back and we’re doing this,” I say, waving my other hand between us.
She smiles, her expression a little sad, and I can tell she’s still feeling the guilt, despite my words. But that is something she needs to work through on her own. Like the guys said, I can’t protect her from everything, and that includes protecting her from herself.
“I’m glad we’re doing this, too. I’ll just grab my handbag, and then we can go.”
I watch her walk out of the room before turning back to look at the photo once more. The fact that she had this here, on display, gives me hope that maybe, this time, we can work this all out together. And she won’t run away again.