Chapter 9
—Reed—
The rhythmic beeping of the machines monitoring her and the nurses working nearby filled the background as Simone and I silently kept vigil over Kasey.
I took her hand in mine and pressed my lips to her knuckles as tears trickled freely down my cheeks. With my eyes squeezed closed, I held my breath to stop the chest-shuddering sob from breaking free.
“I love you, baby. Please wake up.” With the gentlest touch I could manage, I slowly shifted the neckline of her hospital gown to the side and exposed more of the bruising that marred her collarbone. The seatbelt had left its mark; a deep purple line ran diagonally across her upper torso and disappeared between her breasts. I ran my fingers over the discoloration and wished I could take this away from her. To bear these injuries so she didn’t have to.
I lowered heavily into the chair beside her bed while keeping hold of her hand, utterly devastated to be in this position. Kase had started out as a bit of fun while she visited Simone, but she’d quickly become a huge part of my life. Now, she was my entire life.
“You look beat,” Simone murmured from the opposite side of the bed, making me hastily palm my eyes and cheeks. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m fucking wrecked. How about you?”
With pain etched into her expression, her words mirrored mine. “Worried, but glad I can be here for her.”
“Same darlin’. And thank you. I know being in this place isn’t easy for you.”
She gnawed on her lower lip, then looked toward the door when movement caught the corner of her eye.
My brother Banks inched into the room still in his EMT uniform. He flashed the nurses a quick grin and held up one forefinger, indicating that he would only be here for a minute. That guy could get away with murder by flashing his smile, and he goddamn knew it.
“Hey, bro.” He hugged me, then wrapped Simone in his arms. “How’s she doing?”
“We’re really not sure,” murmured Simone.
He hummed as he studied the machines for a minute but kept his assessment to himself. Good or bad, he didn’t say, just turned to me with renewed purpose and dug in his pocket.
“Here’s your new phone. Sidenote: you owe me two grand. Don’t go tossing this one around, eh.”
I scoffed at the brand-new phone box. “Don’t plan on it. But I need to set it up now—I need make sure I haven’t missed other calls.”
Banks rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you just put your sim card in Simone’s phone?”
Simone and I looked at each other.
“Why didn’t we think of that?” she hissed.
My brother puffed his chest. “Because I’m an ideas man, that’s why. Now, g’me your mangled phone, and I’ll put the card in my phone.”
If we weren’t in the ICU—not to mention him being here “illegally”—I would have slugged his arm.
But gratitude rained when he quickly did the swap then handed me his phone. The small victory was short-lived. Now I had the task of wading through many missed calls from my family.
Suddenly, everything was too much. Too overwhelming. As the weight of our reality bore down, I quietly excused myself and stepped out of the room, pulling on the invisible mask I wore at work, while I rushed for the bathrooms.
~
I wouldn’t admit that I’d bawled my fucking eyes out in the bathroom before returning to Kasey’s side to say a teary goodnight.
She needed to rest. Simone needed to reset, and I needed to shower. But caring for Kase was only half my duty. I had my baby to check on before allowing myself a minute to breathe.
Banks and Simone visited the baby while I spent a little extra time with Kase. After stroking her hand for the longest time and whispering countless I love yous into her hair, I left her for the night.
When I arrived at the neonatal ward, Banks and Simone exited, hugged me tight, then said they’d wait for me.
With my hands and arms scrubbed and dried, I forced an exhausted smile and accepted Mom’s hard hug. “How is she?”
“She’s doing good again, hon. What about you? I’ve been trying to call you all afternoon because I couldn’t leave the ward but wanted to give you an update.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I threw my phone against the wall after being removed from here, and it smashed.”
Mom’s eyes widened, then her lips pursed hard in an obvious attempt to withhold her thoughts regarding my behavior.
“I was terrified, Mom.” A burning ball rose up my chest. I rubbed at the spot, trying to ease the discomfort.
Her expression softened into compassion. “I know, honey. And I’m sorry you had to leave like that, but we remove parents from the room when we have an incident. It stops them from getting in our way or us being distracted by questions when we’re working our hardest.”
“So, what exactly happened?”
“It sounded worse than it was. The alarms you heard were from the ventilator telling us that the baby’s breathing needed to be checked, and in this case, her airways needed a little suctioning to clear a small build-up of fluid. It’s completely normal but concerning if you don’t understand why it’s happening.”
“Well, I didn’t,” I mumbled, folding my arms and feeling a bit foolish about overreacting.
Mom touched my bicep. “I’m sorry I didn’t get time to explain, but it was imperative we got her airways cleared.”
The worry that had been twisting in my chest eased, and I rubbed a hand over my face. Christ, I felt rough.
“How about you head home for the night?” Mom suggested. “I’m about to finish, so I can drop you off. Or come home and I’ll make us a meal?”
“Thanks, though Banks and Simone are giving me a ride home. I just wanted to stop in and check on her first...”
I turned my attention to the incubator sitting silent and warm. My baby girl lay on her back with a CPAP machine covering most of her face. I longed to touch her, so I undid the side catch and slowly reached into her safe bubble. I stroked her little bare chest with my forefinger—her skin so soft and barely able to be felt under my fingerprint that had hardened to the outside world.
“Hey, bubba. I guess we need to think of a name for you sometime, eh?”
I gently covered her chest with my hand and marveled at the feel of her little heart rhythmically beating under my palm. So fragile. So precious.
Mom murmured at my side, “We’re tube-feeding her at the moment, but in the next few days, you’ll be able to get her out for cuddles and bottle-feeding.”
Instant fear filled me. I had so much to learn. There was so much I didn’t know.
She smiled warmly. “Don’t look so terrified. We’re here to help. And if I’m not here, one of the team will be.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Mom. I’m so far out of my comfort zone it’s not even funny.”
“To be honest, most of the families that end up in NICU are completely out of their comfort zone. It’s normal, trust me. But when you get to hold your little girl, it will all be worth it.”
Instead of a reply, I yawned hard, then checked my watch.
Ten PM. Christ.
“I should get going. Can you tell the overnight nurse to call me if she needs anything?”
I hated that I had to leave both my girls here overnight.
“Of course, hon. I’ll highlight that in my handover notes.”
“Thanks, Mom. For everything.”
I stroked my baby’s chest one last time, then closed her incubator.
“Goodnight, Ma.”
“Goodnight, honey. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The trek to the door was hardly arduous, but exhaustion hit as soon as I stepped out of NICU. Banks and Simone were on me within seconds. Simone linked her arm around my waist and Banks slung his arm around my shoulders, and without an uttered word between us, we made our way to the parking lot. We walked Simone to her car, then as soon as I slid into the passenger seat of Banks’s, my eyes refused to stay open.
The ride home to Gatlin Falls was short, and Banks unceremoniously dumped me on my bed, then tugged at my bootlaces.
“I’ll take off your boots, but I draw the line at showering your ass.”
I barely managed a cynical laugh. “I’d be incapacitated before the day I let you touch my balls.”
Banks’s loud laughter filled my room. “Bro, you won’t ever find me willingly touching your balls!”
“Eww, guys!” Simone cried, hovering at my bedroom doorway. She sobered as I kicked away Banks and sat on the edge of my bed.
“Are you sure we can’t help with anything else?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No, darlin’. Thank you. I’mma shower, eat, then crash. Then rinse and repeat it all tomorrow, I guess.”
And hope like fuck to have some response from Kasey in the morning.
“She’ll come back to you, bro,” Banks stated as if reading my thoughts. “Induced comas are totally common for head injuries. She’s in there, dude.”
“I know,” I muttered.
“Now, get your ass in the shower—you stink. And while you’re doing that, I’m gonna go pick us up something for dinner. No arguments.”
Hell, I didn’t even have it in me to acknowledge his announcement let alone fight it. I was dead on my feet with no idea how I was going to face going to bed knowing that my girls were all alone in the next town over; close enough, but completely out of reach.
And the worst part? I couldn’t even tell Kasey that she grew my baby inside her.