Chapter 35
—Reed—
My forehead met Kasey’s instead of my lips landing on hers. Conflicting urges took hold and pulled me in two directions: one of restraint and the other of giving in to my craving. I squeezed my eyes closed hard as I grappled with disappointment and frustration in equal measures.
“Fuck,” I whispered, hoping the singular word didn’t sound as broken as it did to my own ears.
Opening my eyes to see Kasey’s eyelids still closed made me feel extra shitty. I was trying my hardest not to toy with her. To ease her into getting used to me again, but it was fucking hard when I knew her so well, and she couldn’t remember ever meeting me.
I saw the moment her expression squeezed with pain—the moment she realized I wouldn’t be kissing her. Not in here. Not in this moment.
She abruptly pulled away, gaze flashing with anger. “Quit playing with me.”
I scrubbed a hand across the back of my neck, mindful that I’d spent a chunk of time doing my hair earlier. Looking directly into her eyes, I tried to explain some of the uncertainty that tore at me on the inside.
“I’m sorry, Kase. I’m not doing it on purpose. When you look at me sometimes, you get this look that makes me think you remember me. Remember us. Instead of being in pieces at that moment, we’re whole like before. We’re us.”
Unintended guilt swept through her expression, and I rallied to explain before she got upset.
I gently grazed my fingers against hers. “At least for me, anyway. I understand, and I get that this is all new for you. Being around me, around my family. In this house and in my room. It’s a lot to process in itself, let alone add our previous plans and a baby to the mix.”
Tears shimmered in her eyes. “I want to remember,” she whispered. “I feel like I’m missing out on so much…”
I squeezed her hand in reassurance. “I know, babe. And I’m not blaming you. I’m sorry I overstepped the line. I’m trying to be patient. Go slowly. Let you acclimatize to everything before pushing you that next step further.”
“I’m surprised you’re not sick of me.”
I shook my head adamantly. “Never.”
“What happens if I never remember?” Kase murmured.
It was a valid worry—one I also shared.
I shrugged like it was no big deal when in fact it was mammoth. “Then we create new memories and a brighter future without dwelling on what the old one might have been.”
Her hesitation created a pang of uncertainty in my chest. For what felt like the longest time, we stared at each other, neither of us knowing what to say or willing to voice the thoughts we held the deepest.
“I can’t make promises, Reed.”
I nodded despite the rejection cutting deep. “I will.”
Kasey’s chin tucked back. “About?”
“Not giving up on us.”
The swallow she forced was thick and loud, and she took a quick swig from her wine glass to re-moisten her mouth. If it was anything like mine, it was fucking dry. I mimicked her movements by taking a long sip of beer while eyeing her.
Goddamn, she was pretty. From her long, brunette hair and high cheekbones to the dark plum nail polish on her slender fingers, every part of her was stunning. Even the swirling trouble and unreadable thoughts in her eyes had a way of drawing me in.
My fingertips danced against hers, wanting to touch more but holding back. Breath tight and heart pounding, I took another sip of my beer, then fully captured her hand in mine.
“Come downstairs?”
Kasey’s eyes darted around the room one last time before she smiled. While small and unsure, it filled my chest with hope.
“It is almost time for more wine.”
I snickered. “It’s almost time for dinner.”
As we reached the hallway, Kasey tugged me to a stop.
“Reed?”
“Yeah, babe?” From the tortured look on her face, I wasn’t sure I was going to like her question, so I braced for impact.
“Did I tell you that I loved you back? Last time, I mean?”
I smiled and nodded. “You always did, darlin’.”