Chapter 60
—Kasey—
Stumbling under his sudden weight, I braced myself to stop us from collapsing to the floor.
Reed nestled his face in the juncture of my neck, and his deep inhale paused for a long moment before releasing as a controlled exhale. Each brimmed with internal agony, sending it washing over my collarbone and down the neck of my shirt.
“You’re here,” he murmured, shaking his head a little as if he couldn’t believe it.
Cupping my hand over the back of his head, I anchored him to me. My heart beat out of my chest with despair. I’d never seen him so disconnected and defeated. So… broken.
I rubbed circles over the expanse of his back in one never-ending loop while Posie kicked around under her baby gym. I didn’t think Reed could hold me tighter, but on an exhale that deflated his entire body, his squeeze increased.
We stayed locked together as the minutes ticked away. Silent and still. As one.
Somewhere between one blink and the next, Reed lifted his head and pressed his cheek to mine. Warmth spread across my skin, cooled only by the traces of his tears that hadn’t yet dried.
“Thank you for coming, darlin’,” came his soft whisper.
“You don’t need to thank me. It’s what we do for the people we love.”
His face shifted, bringing our lips together. The kiss physically sealed our connection where our souls couldn’t.
When I opened my eyes, I found his already searching mine. I pulled back enough to bring him into focus, then smiled gently.
“I can look after Posie if you wanna get some rest?” I offered, hoping it would be a help not a burden.
He let out a deep sigh and scrubbed a hand through his hair. “You know what? I might take a shower. I haven’t had an uninterrupted one for weeks.” He paused mid hair scrub and glanced from Posie to me.
“Are you sure you’re okay with her? Because I can call Connie back—”
I set a hand on his forearm. “I’m sure. Go.”
Despite my assurance, he hesitated. Normally, it would have caused a little surge of frustration, but I cooled it before it rose.
“I’ll come get you if I run into trouble,” I promised.
Reed’s shoulders sagged with visible relief. “Thanks, babe.”
I held his gaze, seeing the unvoiced questions play like ghosts within his dark irises, and I put him out of his misery.
“We can talk later, okay?”
He nodded. “Yeah, darlin’. I won’t be long.”
With that, he gave Posie a glance as he walked past, then disappeared down the hallway.
I watched Posie kick for a few seconds before slowly moving toward her as if she’d startle. Instead, she let out a high-pitched “Cooooo” that surprised herself as much as it surprised me.
Laughing quietly, I lowered onto the plush rug and swung the toys hanging off the play gym. Posie was fucking cute, I had to give her that, and it didn’t take long for the same tendrils of dormant maternal instinct to resurface like it did in Denver. Only this time I welcomed it.
I gently moved the play gym aside, then lifted Posie into my arms. Even in the last couple of weeks she’d grown bigger and stronger. She studied me at close range with large brown eyes, then smiled a toothless grin that lassoed my heart and tugged hard on the strings.
“That’s a big smile,” I said in a soft voice.
Her little lips formed an O shape, then she let out another loud “Coooooo”.
Oh my heart. It melted as I closed my eyes and hugged her to me. Tucking her little head carefully under my chin, I held her as tightly as I dared. I didn’t want to let her go. Warmth from her little body emanated throughout my chest and innate senses somehow recognized her smell.
And just like that, my lingering maternity denial slid from place, leaving me with nothing to doubt and everything to embrace.
I kissed her warm head, then carefully picked my way down the hallway to her nursery. Connie had given me instructions on when she was due for bed, and I hoped it didn’t matter that I was a little behind schedule.
I lowered Posie into her crib and tried my hardest to swaddle her. I was still battling with keeping her arms and legs still minutes later when Reed filled the open doorway. He’d swapped his uniform for baggy trackpants, a tight T-shirt, and towel-dried hair that stuck out all ways. My already tender heart tripped and tumbled at the sight, and goddamn my lungs refused to inflate fully as he came across the room.
“Everything okay?” he murmured.
“I need help with swaddling her. She won’t lie still.”
He chuckled under his breath, and I moved half a step to the side but stayed close enough that Reed’s arm brushed mine as he showed me how to fold our daughter into the large square of fabric.
I should have been focusing on the instructions; instead, I couldn’t stop looking at his naturally tanned arms and hands.
“Just like that,” he whispered, tucking the last corner under Posie, then anchoring her in place with a sheet.
“You make it look easy.”
He leaned into the crib and kissed Posie’s forehead, then offered me his hand. While being led wordlessly from her nursery, my body lit up with both good and bad anticipation. There was so much to talk about. So many questions to be asked and answered. And ultimately, decisions and all the outcomes hung in the balance.
It didn’t start how I expected: with questions and words. No. Instead, Reed pulled me into his arms as soon as we reached the living room and hugged me to his chest so tight it left me with no illusions. While our history was nothing but a blank memory for me, I was back where I undoubtedly belonged.