Chapter 30
Gracie
The back door creaks open, and Nolan immediately mutters under his breath about hinges and oil. I don’t look at him as his feet thump over the wooden deck, closing the distance between us, my head tilted back and eyes fixed on the darkening sky.
No stars yet, but won’t be long now. It’s not as cold as it was at Christmas, but I still shiver when the chilly breeze brushes against my skin.
He silently drops onto the step beside me, resting his shoulder against the short railing. I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, watching as he tips the beer bottle to his lips, his throat working as he swallows.
“Your bedroom is finished,” Nolan says as he lowers his beer, dangling it between his knees. “What’s next?” He keeps his eyes fixed on the backyard, a slight furrow between his brows.
“The living room. The off-white walls have no personality, so I was thinking…a soft pastel green maybe. Not too bright.”
“I can see it.” He hums thoughtfully. “You order the paint, and I’ll get it started.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I protest, but I might as well be wasting my breath. “You’ve done enough.”
“It’s nothing.” He lifts a shoulder, his eyes glinting with stubbornness as he looks at me. “I would rather get it done before I need to head back home.”
I scrunch my nose up. “I thought we had more time.” Nolan watches me for a long moment, but then he turns away, lifting his beer to his lips again. “Elyse called. She’s wondering when you’re coming back to paint her house.”
He hides the smile behind his bottle. “About the same time, she proves that her boyfriend is real.”
A laugh escapes me. “So, not any time soon then.” I sigh softly. “I feel like none of us got through childhood unscathed.”
Nolan makes a low sound. “Show me a kid who doesn’t have some kind of childhood trauma, and I’ll show you a turtle riding a bike.”
I snort, chiding, “That’s a pretty cynical outlook. But some trauma is significantly worse than others.” I shoot him a pointed look, but he ignores me.
“How come you’re renting this place?” he asks abruptly.
I frown, offended. “I’m not. Well, I am. But it’s my home.”
He waves me off. “I know, I know, but why aren’t you buying it outright?”
I freeze, my shoulders tensing as memories flood in of the time I first decided to move to Sterling Creek.
When my relationship ended with Nolan, neither of us had been heartbroken by it, so I knew it was the right move.
And yet, something had been shaken loose, telling me that I was never going to find the happiness I wanted if I stayed where I was.
My parents were a constant shadow over my life, weighing me down with their expectations and my disappointment that things couldn’t be different.
“Gracie?”
I blink Nolan back into focus, shaking my shoulders out. “When I told them I was leaving, they gave me an ultimatum couched as a deal. If I stayed where I was and pursued a more suitable career, the status quo wouldn’t change.”
Nolan lifts a brow. “What did they do?”
My smile is small. “Disinherited me.” The words sting, but not as much as when they first happened.
I didn’t care about their money, but for the longest time, showering me with things had been the only way they ever acknowledged that I existed.
When they yanked that away, it was as if they’d finally severed a tie between us, telling me once and for all that I wasn’t part of their family.
Nolan’s eyes darken with fury, his mouth twisted into a scowl. “Why the hell do you still talk to them? See them?”
I look out over the dark yard, realizing dusk has completely fallen without me noticing.
The light from the window casts a muted glow over us, but not enough to chase away the deepening shadows.
“It seemed drastic to cut them out completely,” I murmur, hating how weak I sound.
“It was like cutting away the final hope that one day, they’d be different. It felt like giving up.”
Nolan reaches over to nudge my side with his elbow.
“Sometimes giving up is the right thing to do, especially with people who only drag you down.” He finishes his beer, setting the glass bottle on the deck beside his hip.
“I haven’t been to see my father since he was arrested.
He wrote us all a letter in the months it first happened—me, Declan, and Darcy.
” His smile is humorless, sharp. “I set the fucking thing on fire and threw it off a bridge.”
A surprised sound of amusement leaves my lips. “That’s dramatic of you.”
Nolan glances at me, his eyes solemn. “Sometimes you need to be dramatic. Purge yourself of the demons, and never look back.”
He’s right. I know he is, but I look away, not ready to admit it out loud.
“I met your Braxton tonight.”
“My Braxton,” I mutter before his words register. “You did? At Hal’s?”
Nolan dips his chin. “Ran into him outside the bathroom. He said he didn’t mind if I told you, but he’s not done yet, Gracie. He’s not giving up.” His expression turns reproachful. “You can’t keep leaving him in limbo like this, though. You need to talk to him.”
“I know—”
“This isn’t healthy,” he interjects. “And it’s not fair to either of you. One of your problems was that he wasn’t talking to you, and now you’re doing the same thing to him. So, either cut him loose or—”
“I know!”
“—shit and get off the pot.”
We speak at the same time, and I laugh, rolling my eyes. “Seriously?”
Nolan’s lips curve minutely. “Seriously.”
“I’ll talk to him,” I promise. “I just…I don’t know what to do, and I wanted to have my emotions reined in before I went into that conversation, you know?
When he came to the shop a couple of weeks ago, I thought I was good, but then…
” I squeeze my eyes shut. “It felt like…like I buried every single negative emotion into this tightly shut box. And as soon as I saw him…” My hands mime an explosion.
“It didn’t help that the old bitch came at you at the same time,” Nolan adds, and I smile.
“Esther was being a right old bitch, wasn’t she?” I agree. The words don’t feel natural on my tongue, but if the shoe fits…
He doesn’t respond straight away, his expression contemplative. “Do you feel like you betrayed Braxton?”
The question is unexpected enough that my breath hitches in my chest, a bitter taste coating my tongue. The quiet of the world around us presses in, like we’re in a bubble where nothing can touch us, and I know this isn’t the time or place to lie—not to Nolan, and not to myself.
“Yes,” I whisper. “And no. Depends on when you ask me. Should I have jumped into bed with you? Maybe not, but I just needed…” I drag air into my lungs, my ribs pinching sharply. “I needed to feel wanted, and I needed to feel safe.”
“Not many people would call me safe,” Nolan murmurs, his eyes twinkling.
“That’s because you’re emotionally detached with some serious daddy issues,” I say dryly.
“I felt so alone, Nolan. The rug had been firmly pulled out from under me, and I was…adrift. Raewyn told me about the kiss on New Year’s, and I thought about it for weeks.
I thought, over and over again, does this change anything for me?
And it didn’t. He still shut me out, and he did it so quickly.
One day, we were us, talking about our future, and two days later, he was… ”
“Gone?” Nolan supplies when I trail off.
I nod jerkily, my eyes feeling hot. “I spent my whole life with people who kept me locked in this tiny little box, only pulling me out when it suited them. Maybe I should have tried harder, or done something different, but—”
“You shut down as much as he did.” I press my mouth into a tight line, not agreeing, even though we both know the truth.
Nolan doesn’t press me any further, probably sensing he’s pushed me as far as he can.
“Come on. It’s cold, and I need another beer.
” He stands up, holding his hand out to me.
I let him pull me up, giving the sky one last look before we head inside.
It’s not until we’ve settled on the couch, some action movie playing quietly on the television, that he speaks again. “My mother wants me to get married. That’s why I need to go home soon.”
I whip around to face him so fast that I feel my neck crack. “What?”
Nolan chuckles at my expression. “Declan married Lily Foster, which went a long way to salvaging our reputation after my father was arrested…but Declan’s actually changed his last name to Foster, so, for all intents and purposes”—he flings his arms out—“I’m the last male heir to the Masters name.
Mom wants to ensure our social standing doesn’t slip any further, and she’s decided that my making a good match will help. ”
“A good match,” I mouth silently before demanding, “What is this? The 1800s? Is she going to chaperone you at the balls and pay a large dowry? Maybe trade some goats and pigs for a woman to take your hand?”
Nolan flicks a dark look at me. “Ha. Ha.”
“When will you go back?”
“Soon,” he answers vaguely, and I stare at him suspiciously.
“You’re not staying for me, right? Because I’m fine.”
He gives me a droll look, his eyes full of disbelief. “If this is you fine, I’d hate to see you broken.”
“Shut up,” I mutter. “I said I’d talk to him.”
Nolan rolls his eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it. Anyway, I’ve got a realtor looking for an apartment for me in the city because there’s no way I’m living with Mom and Darcy again.” He taps his fingers against his beer bottle, mouth twitching. “I’m picky, so it might be a couple more months.”
I shake my head. “Is this your last-ditch attempt to irritate your mother before you subject yourself to unholy matrimony?”
He doesn’t answer, asking instead, “You think you’ll be okay without me?”
“I survived the last two years without you, so I think I’ll manage.”