28. Aubrey
Ihated to leave Clint last night, but it was easy to convince Brodie to stay at my place. Not just for the night, but until he could make long term plans to stay in Haddarville.
And waking up next to him was wonderful. Joking through breakfast… Getting a goodbye kiss when he left for the day… It was all positively domestic and I loved it.
I headed downstairs to my shop, and was surprised to find Deacon waiting outside. There was a part of me, an old mental habit, that made me wonder where the heart skip was, or where the resentment had gone. But mostly, I was surprised. He rarely visited anymore. After a lifetime of friendship, I’d barely seen him in the last year and a half.
That wasn’t his fault, though. I pushed away hard when he fell for Brooke and Adam—rather, when he admitted it. I couldn’t handle?—
I shook the thoughts aside and let him in. As he walked into the store and I locked the door behind him, I pretended to look past him. I poked him in the arm. “Nope, it’s you. Not a hallucination.”
“Ha ha. You were expecting someone else?”
“Adam, usually.” And even then, only if he had to come over. It was clear Adam didn’t like being our messenger.
Deacon shrugged. “I can go get him if you want. He can stand between us and repeat everything we say so you don’t have to talk directly to me.”
Had I been that bad?
I really had. “I suppose I should re-learn to have conversations with you directly.”
“It never used to be a problem.” There was no accusation in Deacon’s retort. Instead, he almost sounded sad.
“You know how it is. Friendzone sucks and all that.”
“I hear that’s not really a thing.” Deacon looked as good as ever, but that shine was gone. The glow that always made me think no one else will do.
Was it because I was in love with Clint and Brodie? I raised my eyebrows in challenge. “From who?”
No. The draw to him faded before then.
“Alys.”
Ah. I rarely took exception with the things Alys said. Besides, she was right. “I’m sorry. About the way I’ve been.”
“I forgive you.”
My flat laugh slipped out. “You’re not going to assure me that I didn’t do anything wrong?”
“If it had been me, I probably would have acted a lot the same, but not been so cool about it.”
I pursed my lips. “Considering the way you threw yourself at Brooke for years, but kept insisting you weren’t? Probably.” How did I miss that when it was happening?
I didn’t. I asked him about it again and again, and he promised he didn’t like Brooke that way. I wanted to believe him, so I did.
“Ouch.” Deacon sucked his teeth. “Okay, so neither of us is perfect.”
I studied him. Would we have had this conversation back then? Before we drifted apart?
“Is my fly down?” Deacon patted the front of his pants.
Some of him was still the same. “No. You’re just… different.”
“I’m really not.”
“You are. You’re more mature.” I bit my bottom lip. “It’s kind of sexy.” Okay, that was way less playful and way more awkward than I intended.
The way he took a step back said he agreed.
I laughed at the reaction. “I’m teasing. About the sexy— Let’s just forget I said that. You are different, but so am I.”
“Heh.” He was uncomfortable talking about feelings after all this time. Go figure. “I miss our friendship.”
Were we ever really friends, or was I always pursuing the fantasy of us being more?
I liked Deacon as a person. I enjoyed his company. His weird sense of humor. His ideas. “Can people like us be friends again?”
“How’s it working out for you and Alys after all this time?”
That was a fair question. “You probably shouldn’t sit in my lap.” Which was something Alys still did with me.
“No. Fuck no. Clint scares me.”
I shook my head. “It’s Brodie you have to worry about. He knows people, if you know what I mean.” Did that sound threatening?
“Like… scary people?”
“Corporate executives.”
Deacon shuddered. “Terrifying.”
I had missed this. The easy fun. “And I haven’t even told you about the certification and standards people.”
“No. Please no.” Deacon fluttered his hand to his chest. “I’ll never sleep again at the thought of so much terror.” He was grinning.
As much fun as I was having, “It’s almost ten. Did you come by to tease the princess now that I’m taken, or…?”
“Is it official? You’re taken?”
I had to remember that even if my friends were assuming, I hadn’t actually told anyone yet. “I am engaged.”
“Yeah. Adam heard from Maddox that it was fake.”
So much for don’t tell anyone. I couldn’t be mad at Alys or Evie though, because I didn’t blame them for not wanting to keep secrets from their guys. “It’s not publicly official, but yes. I’m taken twice over. I’d like to think you and I could go back to being friends even if that weren’t the case.”
“Me too.” Deacon gave me a rueful grin. “And I did come over here for another reason, but making things right between us was most important.”
I was glad. “So what’s up?”
“I’m doing work in the basement next month, and I don’t want to disrupt your work.”
Deacon used to own my property as well as his. My shop had been part of his space, but he’d partitioned it off and sold it to me years ago, when he needed the money more than the space. About a year and a half ago, he found a basement that ran under the entire building, that he hadn’t known was there.
The space had been filled with some gorgeous classic clothing, and antique sex furniture.
“You could’ve sent Adam to ask me that.” Not that I was complaining about seeing Deacon. “But I’m glad you’re here yourself.”
“Me too.”
“I’ll send you my current calendar, when I have clients coming in and such, and if I need to move any appointments, more notice is better than less. Otherwise, give me a list of days I can’t schedule, and I’ll be good.”
Deacon grinned. “You’re awesome.”
After he left, and the longer I thought about the exchange, the better it felt. That old voice lingered, saying you know you want him to notice you, but it was easy to ignore that ghost. I adored Brooke, I liked Adam, they were good with Deacon, and I missed his friendship.
The rest of the morning and early afternoon went well. From talking to a seller in another state about swapping some clothing pieces, to working with a place that did modern quality recreations of classic styles. They’d sent me some samples, and I was happy to sell their clothing.
As the clock ticked toward school letting out, I shifted gears to what I was going to do with Dee when she came over. I had plans for an All Hallows Eve display, but I’d need a few supplies first.
I made sure my afternoon employee was set, and I walked down the street to Granny’s Yarn Shop. We all called her Granny, despite her only being related to Camden, because she treated us all like grandchildren she loved.
Which was a nice contrast to my actual grandmother.
When I walked into Granny’s, no one was in the main shop. I wasn’t surprised—Granny had a dedicated customer base, but not a huge one. She owned the property, she’d been here for decades, and she kept the store open to hang out as much as anything.
Voices drifted out from the other room, and my blood ran cold. Was that Grandma—Donna—talking to Granny?
I followed the sound, but stopped before I reached the doorway to the back room.
Sure enough, my grandma—I was going to have to think of her as Donna or confuse myself—was talking to Granny.
“I just want what’s best for her,” Donna said.
I hated that she was talking this way about Sylvie.
“Aubrey’s doing well for herself,” Granny’s words stopped me in my tracks. “It’s difficult to believe she’s on a bad path.”
They were talking about me? My feet froze to the ground. I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help myself. I’d stick up for Sylvie all day, but when it came to me?
“She could be on a better one,” Donna said.
Sometimes I forgot that the generational friendships in Haddarville were as old as the town itself. Donna and Granny went to school together, and were friends back in their day.
That was a far more pleasant thought than focusing on what they were saying about me.
“Better by whose rules?” Granny asked.
“This isn’t subjective.” Donna’s voice was cool.
It absolutely was subjective. She didn’t get to say what made my life good. But the protest was stuck in my throat.
“It is subjective,” Granny said. “Aubrey’s doing remarkably well. She’s happy, she’s got a successful business and she’s got wonderful friends.”
Bless her.
Donna sighed, and I held my breath for a snide comment. Instead, she said. “She truly does.”
This was ridiculous. “Then why are you trying so hard to make me give it up?” I interrupted.
Donna looked surprised to see me. Granny didn’t.
Which was the perfect opening for me to keep talking. “Why do you spend so much time tearing me down and telling me how disappointing I am?” I didn’t mean to be that blunt, but I was sick of dancing around the way she treated me. “Why do you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you.” Donna’s reply didn’t convince me.
“Are you sure?”
Her mask cracked, and the corners of her eyes tugged down. “I envy you.”
Bullshit. “Bullshit.”
“You do what you want. You’re a beautiful woman with a beautiful life.” Donna met my gaze.
Uh-huh. “Why do you keep telling me it’s wrong, in that case?”
She scowled, and her sadness vanished.
“Donna…” Granny’s voice was kind and coaxing rather than chiding.
How much did they discuss before I showed up?
“I’m old,” Donna said. “I’ll be eighty next year, and it’s not easy for me to change.”
Was that her response to me or to Granny? It sounded mechanical regardless, like she was reading a script.
I wanted this conversation, this weird concession, to be real, but I couldn’t buy in. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll come back later.”
Donna pursed her lips so hard they almost vanished.
“Aubrey. Hear her out? We come from a different era, with different expectations,” Granny said. “As I watch you kids playing the way you want, selling what you want, and loving who you want, it’s beautiful, but it’s foreign. It’s not the kind of open life we were allowed to have.”
Great. But I knew Granny tried to understand, but I needed to hear it from my own grandmother for it to be news.
Donna nodded at Granny. “I’d like to use her words.”
“So you know this is the case.” I wasn’t feeling the warm fuzzies. “But you still told Sylvie to go back to an abusive asshole of a fiancé. What the actual fuck?”
The growl that Donna let out was startling and rumbled up from her chest. Her nostrils flared. “It’s not easy to break that indoctrination, especially when my first instinct is to double down. I’m where I am because I insist on being right even when I’m wrong, and you are an infuriating child when it comes to that.”
“Thanks.” I gave her a sickly-sweet smile.
She dragged in a deep breath. “I hear myself talk, and I know the words are wrong, but there are decades of external voices telling me there’s only one way the world works.”
Fuck. I understood that. I’d heard those same things. I still heard one of those voices when it came to Deacon. When it came to how I lived my life. One of those voices was Grandma’s. “You really envy me?” I was trying to meet her halfway, but she’d have to do the same.
“If I’d had the kind of freedom you have…” Donna trailed off.
Now I was thinking about the conversation with Clint and Brodie last night. About how we couldn’t—shouldn’t—change the past. “You wouldn’t have the insurance company. Possibly not this whole family. You wouldn’t be an icon.”
“No. And I might not have a frustrating granddaughter like you.”
I clenched my jaw.
“I might still live here,” Donna said.
I thought she meant Haddarville, but I realized she was looking around the yarn store, as if she meant this building specifically.
“I still would have kicked you out decades ago, you infuriating heifer.” Granny’s playful retort caught me off-guard.
What was I watching?
“And I would have made you take me back.” Donna’s voice had taken on an affectionate tilt.
Was my grandma flirting with Granny?
I kind of hated myself for thinking that was adorable.
“I might have done just that,” Granny said. “I guess we’ll never know.”
Donna frowned. “I guess not.”
Holy shit. Were they… together at one point?
Donna focused on me again. “I’m proud of you, Aubrey. Not that you need my permission or praise, you’ve never needed that from anyone, but I want to see you keep…” She let out a soft sigh.
“I believe the kids say you do you.” Granny offered.
Donna shook her head. “Yes. You do you.”
I loved the words. They meant more than I dared let on, but they were also hard to believe after a lifetime of Donna—Grandma—telling me otherwise. “Okay.”
“I know that it will take a while to see that I mean this,” Donna said. “And I will probably make a lot of missteps, but I will try to be kinder. You deserve that.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it. But I do hope to see it.”
Donna almost smiled.
“Bree.” Dee’s shout cut through the air, and she ran into the back room. “Hi, Granny. Who are you?” She looked at my grandma.
“I’m Donna. Aubrey’s grandmother. Who are you?”
“I’m Addison, but everyone calls me Dee.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Dee. How do you know Aubrey?” Grandma asked.
I should be grateful she didn’t ask if Dee was my daughter.
“She’s my weekend mom.”
Damn it, Dee.
Granny smiled, and Donna raised her eyebrows.
“My real mom moved away and abandoned me.” Bitterness tinged Dee’s voice. “Aubrey is my dad’s girlfriend.”
Well, fuck. This was about to get out. She was calling me Clint’s girlfriend?
I couldn’t really find fault with that.
“Brodie?” Donna asked.
Dee shook her head. “No, he’s not my dad. He doesn’t even look like me. Clint’s my dad.”
Donna gave me a questioning look.
I gifted her a sweet smile in return. “I do me.” I wouldn’t explain more now, but I wanted to see if Donna meant what she said about trying to understand. “Granny, do you have any orange and black beads? The bigger macrame ones?”
“I’m sure I do.” Granny stood and held out her hand. “Dee, come help me look.”
Dee followed her into the back room.
Donna was still staring at me.
“One apology doesn’t make things all better,” I said. “I wish it could. I’m willing to try as long as you are, but this is my life, and you don’t get to have input in it. Not for me. Not for Sylvie.”
Donna worked her jaw. “I understand.”
Another thought popped into my head—the threat from my aunt. Blackmail with an unspecified favor attached to it. I didn’t give a fuck now if that came out. It wasn’t as if she could cancel my policy, and she could tell the world I loved two men, if that got her off. “One more thing—you can tell Aunt Neva to take her self-righteous blackmail bullshit and shove up her sand-filled twat.”
Donna looked furious, but she didn’t have a chance to reply before Dee came back with the beads I’d asked for, and dragged me back to my store to make Halloween ornaments.
The conversation with Grandma rang in my thoughts. It wasn’t a conclusion, but it was a good start, and I was grateful for that.