Chapter 19
Haddy
The words have just left my mouth when a streak of white jumps in front of me, and I fall back with a yelp, landing slap in the large California lilac bush behind me.
Gavin dives forward, grabbing my upper arms and catching me before my butt hits the ground.
I’m surrounded by purple flowers, and Spanky stands in front of me wagging his stumpy tail. I swear he’s smiling.
“Are you okay?” Gavin lifts me out of the bush like I weigh no more than a doll.
“That’s not how I pictured it going.” I pluck broken twigs off my sweater, out of my hair.
Gavin holds me around the waist, touching my chin so I’ll look up at him. “You’re… pregnant?”
The sun is setting, casting both of us and everything around us in a shimmering hue. It’s what movie makers like to call the “golden hour,” but my heart is beating out of my chest.
This moment is not golden. It’s more like panic stations.
“It wasn’t a virus.” Or bad chicken salad, thanks, God.
I blink briefly at his eyes, but it’s too intense.
I took three pregnancy tests in the small, unisex bathroom at the science lab, and every single one came back positive in less than thirty seconds. Since then, I’ve been sort-of wandering around in a state of shock.
“Shit.” He exhales the word, then he looks past me at the bush where I fell.
Clearing my throat, I hold his forearms and step out of his embrace, doing my best to get my bearings. This is no time for panic. We have to be logical, scientific.
“I was using the birth control patch, but I guess I was kind of sloppy before Halloween. I wasn’t having sex, and I didn’t keep track of how long I’d wear one.” Swallowing my nerves, I straighten my shoulders. “It’s my fault.”
My neck is hot, and I don’t know why my silly eyes heat. I am not going to cry. I’ll accept whatever shock or outburst he might have with strength and dignity…
“No way!” He steps forward quickly, covering my clasped hands with his large one. “It’s as much my fault as yours. I didn’t use a condom.”
“But I told you it was okay.”
He looks down at the pavement before lifting his blue eyes to mine. “What do you want to do?” His brows pull together, and he almost seems in pain.
I swallow air, and my chest trembles. Chewing my lip, I inhale slowly before I say it. “I…” exhale a terrified breath. “I want to keep it. I figure…”
“Oh, man, okay. That’s good.” His words come out in a rush, and he scoops me into his arms before I can finish my sentence. “I was so scared to ask that question.”
Now my eyes really are burning, and my stomach twists.
Gripping his arms, I step out of his hug once more.
“Yes… well…” My throat is thick. No crying, Haddy. “I figure I won’t start showing until late next semester, I hope. I’m almost finished with my degree. If I can just graduate before anyone notices—”
“What do you mean?” He’s frowning again. “Why does that matter?”
“My scholarship.” Besides telling Gavin, losing my scholarship is my next biggest fear. “I can’t be pregnant and be an International Princess Woman. I’ll be stripped of my title if they find out.”
“What the fuck, why?”
“We have a code, Gavin. I can’t be pregnant.”
“Why not? You’re a woman. It’s in the title.”
“An unmarried woman. We’re supposed to set an example to little girls, other pageant participants. IPW has standards—”
“You have the highest standards of anyone I know. Hell, you don’t even swear.”
“I can’t change the way the program works. My only choice is to hope they don’t find out before next semester ends.”
His jaw tightens, and he blusters with protective rage. I kind of fall in love with him a little bit for it. Not that I could actually be in love with him. We’ve only really known each other a few months.
“Would it change anything if I proposed?” His brow is lowered. “They couldn’t kick you out if you were getting married, could they?”
Shaking my head, I exhale a laugh. “We can’t get married to save my title. I mean, I appreciate the offer, but I’ll just lie low and hope for the best.”
His eyes hold mine, and I see all the thoughts going on there. We have a lot to discuss, logistics, how this would even work, how much he wants to be involved.
I know it’s a risky decision to stay pregnant when I don’t even have a job and I’m not even finished with college. I know it’s because I have the privilege of rich parents who love me, a big family that loves babies, security…
Even with all of that, I want to do this myself. My independent streak is fierce, and I’ve never liked people taking care of me. It makes me itchy and restless to think I owe someone or I’m dependent on someone to live.
At the same time, I want this little baby so much. I don’t even know why, but it already feels like this little person is meant to be.
Gavin steps closer, taking my hand again. “What if we got married because we wanted to?”
“What?” My eyes snap to his.
“We could try it. If it doesn’t work out, no harm, no foul. Your title is safe, the baby is covered…”
“We can’t get married because I’m pregnant. We hardly know each other.”
“That’s not true. I know a lot about you. You’re incredibly smart, you’re doing this study to save babies.”
“That’s not exactly what it’s about…”
“You love Hannah Montana and axolotls and tater tots. You make cute little snorty noises in your sleep…”
“I do?” My cheeks heat with embarrassment.
“You’re a super pooper—”
“You are never allowed to say that.” I cut him off quickly.
“Haddy.” He slides his thumb over the back of my palm. “Couldn’t we try?”
“No.” I shake my head, scooping up Patsy and walking in the direction of the house. “This isn’t a science experiment. We’re not being reckless. We’ve been reckless enough as it is.”
“Slow down.” He’s behind me holding Spanky’s leash. “Why are you mad?”
“I’m not mad. I’m taking this seriously.”
“I am, too.”
We stop at the front steps, and I turn to face him in the growing dark.
“We need to think about what this means, what we want. We both have a lot going on right now. You’re in the middle of your season.
I’m on the verge of graduating, defending my thesis…
” He reaches for me again, but I hold up my free hand.
“I’m going to have doctor’s appointments.
I’ve got to get through Christmas… We need a plan. ”
“I plan to go with you to those doctor’s appointments.”
Inhaling slowly, I nod. “Okay. But we can’t tell anyone—not Maverick, not Gina. Until I graduate, this is top secret.”
His lips tighten, and again he frowns. I know he’s angry about that part, but he doesn’t understand. I can’t lose this scholarship.
“Please, Gavin.” My voice is quiet, and when he looks at me again, the anger melts from his expression.
He steps forward, pulling me into a hug. “I’d never do anything to hurt you, Princess. I catch you when you fall. Right?”
“I’m not falling anymore. Starting now.” Now too much is at stake.
“Hey, Hayden.” Timothy’s voice on the porch makes both of us jump. “Did you fall? You do have some twigs stuck to your sweater here.”
“Timothy—how long have you been standing there?” My voice trembles, and I take the dried twigs from his fingers. “Spanky jumped at me, and I fell into a lilac bush. It’s no big deal.”
My lab partner nods, his smile tight. Then he glances up at my escort briefly. “I’m just taking off. Final grades are due next week, and I’ve got a stack of papers.”
“Of course. Thanks so much for coming.” I hold out my hand to shake, blocking his attempt at a hug. “Sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together.”
“Yeah.” His annoyance is plain. “I’ll see you in the lab.”
We hesitate, watching as he walks up the sidewalk to the car. I do a little wave as he gets in and drives away.
“That guy.” Gavin grumbles watching him leave.
I scrub my fingers over Pat’s little head before going into the house. “He’s the least of my concerns.”
“Happy Ho-ho-ho to you!” Harry Connick, Jr., blasts through Cooters & Shooters, my family’s restaurant on the coast, and everyone dances and sings along.
Gigi’s dad, my uncle Garrett, and our honorary uncle Craig are dressed in red-velvet shorts, red velvet Santa jackets and hats, and they’re on the bar with a few of the wait staff—also dressed in skimpy Santa costumes—shaking their butts to the jazzy Christmas song.
Christmas Eve is on a Thursday this year, and everyone’s at the restaurant having spiced egg nog, habanero-ginger hard apple cider, cayenne pepper-dusted brownies, and cheese balls covered in jalapeno pepper jelly. It’s a Christmas-themed Dare Night, and even the candy canes are spicy.
Our whole family is in town. Mav is dancing with his mom, and Gigi is across the room sitting with Miss Gina, the sweet old blind lady she’s named after, who is basically our honorary grandmother.
“Hey, Super P.” My cousin Kim walks up and hands me a glass of hard cider. “Why do you look like you’re trying to disarm a nuclear weapon?”
“Thanks.” I take the tumbler from her hands, unsure what to do with it. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?”
Like Gavin Knight. He’s been on my mind since he pulled me out of that lilac bush, threatened the entire International Princess Woman program, then proposed to me. Twice.
The next day, the guys left for an out-of-town game, and the whole time they were gone he checked in via text to ask if I still had nausea, if I had any spotting… How would he even know that could happen?
I sent him the date of my first ultrasound in January, and he put it on his calendar. Then our last night in town, he sneaked into my bedroom. It was the first time he’d done it in almost a month, and my chest ached at his closeness. My body longed for his…
It’s impossible to know how much of my reaction is pregnancy hormones and how much is real. Our past hasn’t changed. We’ve just been hit with a really tricky plot twist.