Chapter 27 Reyna #2
“Like you, I’ve had a couple of days to think about it, and I’ve decided you’re just a student. We couldn’t possibly have anything to talk about.” His voice is distracted. Detached. Bored.
My heart cracks in two. There must be something I’m missing. I probably misunderstood him. There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for his reaction.
This must be a joke. It has to be. I can’t—I choke. I am not being put last again.
Clearing my throat, I raise my chin. “I don’t under—”
Maddox sighs like this is a complete waste of his time, and he’s at the very end of his patience. “Perhaps I need to say it more plainly; nothing will ever happen between us because you’re you, and I’m me.”
My stomach sinks. It’s like I’m being skinned alive. He… No, he doesn’t mean that. He can’t mean that.
I quickly blink away the tears pricking my eyes. “What the hell does that mean?”
Maddox doesn’t look at me when he says, “That it was fun while it lasted.”
Oh.
It’s happening again.
I was right. This was all a game to him. Some fun to pass the time. I was never going to be the one he chose.
For a minute there, I believed that I was worthy of being put first. He really had me fooled. He—I rake my fingers through my hair. I don’t… Just the other day he was saying—
This can’t be happening. The pain is visceral.
He… He was playing me. He played me. And I believed all the stupid words he said. I fell for it. I fell for him. I can’t believe I was so blind. So stupid.
“You’re a fucking piece of shit,” I hiss. My body is vibrating. Why does this keep happening to me? Was Abi in on this too? Is that why she approached me?
He’s the worst person I’ve ever met. As bad as every other monster out there. I was wrong before. He would hurt me. Only he doesn’t need to lay a hand on me to do it.
He stares blankly at me as if this is the most inconsequential conversation he’s ever had. As if he hasn’t ripped my fucking heart out. “You’ve never been very creative with your insults. I suppose that’s why you’ve always had to work off of someone else’s idea.”
I rear back like I’ve been slapped. “No. No. You don’t get to lead me on like that then throw me aside like I’m nothing.” Not after you got inside my head. Made me think that you cared about me, and that I was special, and the only girl in the world that you wanted.
What was the point of gifting me the painting? Or revealing his identity? None of this makes sense.
He shrugs, sorting through the paperwork on his desk like I’m not there.
“Look at me, you asshole.” I seethe, slamming my trembling hand on the desk when he doesn’t. Just look at me. Why can’t you fucking look at me? “Fuck you and your Jekyll-and-Hyde bullshit.”
He just told Abi that he wants to be with me, for fuck’s sake.
Finally, finally, he looks at me. But it hurts more because he doesn’t spare me more than a sideways glance. “Careful, Miss Sinaga. I do not tolerate abuse from my students.”
He throws the words out like he couldn’t care less if he spoke or not. Like I’m not worth his time or energy. Like I’m forgettable.
Mom would forget that I was there, too busy thinking about Dad. My own father didn’t even remember that he had a daughter.
“After everything we’ve been through. Everything you’ve told me. The secrets you’ve shared… you want to… You’re walking away?” I sputter.
Why does everyone keep leaving me? I can’t do this again. I can’t keep caring for people only for them to be ripped away from me.
Every aspect of me is flawed. Lacking. Pathetic.
I’ll never be a director like I wanted. My father was never going to love me.
Mom was never going to pick me over her soulmate.
I’ll never amount to anything more than a passing phase—a backup—to anyone.
I’m wasted space. The blank wall between paintings at a museum.
Maddox’s jaw feathers as he flicks through the pages of a book. “I do believe I’ve made that obvious.”
There’s no inflection in his tone. Nothing that would suggest how he’s feeling. His walls are up, and the mask he wears like a second skin is on tight. Our progress was a lie. Everything was a lie.
Red tints my vision. I can’t stand looking at him. He’s so put together while I’m crumbling apart. I want to throw things, scream, ask him how he can be such a vile human being.
“I risked my reputation for you. My career. My safety. My dignity. I was going to move past your relationship status. I was going to talk to you and figure out how to move forward. How we can move forward. I don’t understand. Why are you doing this? I thought… I thought we—”
I cut myself off. I won’t keep pouring my heart out when he doesn’t care. He doesn’t deserve any part of me. I said my piece as he leafed through his book.
“God, I believed you. I trusted you. How could I be so stupid? How many other people have you screwed over like this? Huh? Is this how you get your kicks when killing doesn’t cut it?” I growl, fighting the hot, angry tears. I just want to know why?
He shrugs as if to say, Get over it. “Are you done?”
I swallow down a shuddering breath.
Pull yourself together.
Taking a deep breath, I straighten my spine and look him dead in the eyes. “Yes. Yes, we are.”
Fine.
So be it.
Fuck him. Fuck his art. And fuck everything to do with Maddox Fucking Shaw.
I turn as calmly as I can and walk away. My vision blurs the more distance I put between us. It feels like the building rattles when I slam the door behind me. The final nail in the coffin.
The sound of furniture crashing echoes through the hall, coming from his room. Followed by a loud, guttural “Fuck.”
Yes.
I agree.
Fuck Maddox Shaw.