Chapter 28 #2
I nod. I know they want more of an explanation, but really that’s the only part that matters.
I did a bad thing, and I’m going to be punished for it.
Which I deserve. No matter where my head was or what my excuses were, I did it.
If I’m being very honest, it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time.
“Who is Pierce Jamison and what did he do to deserve getting punched?” Leo asks, sounding almost amused.
“Yes, because I know you, Brody, and he must have done something bad to warrant a teddy bear like you flying off the handle like that,” Eric says.
“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” I say.
I can tell by the way his shoulders slump that his feelings are hurt by that, but it’s the truth. After all, as close of friends as the three of us were when I went to school here, I never told them anything about my life back home.
“You’re Broderick Wesley Miller from Colson Creek, South Carolina.
Your first name is your grandma’s maiden name on your dad’s side because your older brother Davis was named after your mom’s family.
Your favorite color is burgundy. Your favorite food is any kind of pasta with cheese on it even though it makes you constipated. You’re allergic to cats but love them…”
“None of that makes me a good person, Eric.”
Eric ignores me and keeps going. “Your favorite color is burgundy because it’s your mother’s favorite color.
You like pasta because it’s the only thing your mom had the time or money to prepare very often, and it’s the first thing you learned to cook yourself so you could help.
You call or text your mama every other day because you don’t want her to worry about you.
You didn’t drink on your own twenty-first birthday so I wouldn’t be the only sober one, even though you snuck me into a dive bar and I could have totally gotten away with it,” he says pointedly, making both me and Leo chuckle because it’s been a long-standing argument.
“Remember the time you fireman-carried my heavy ass across campus when I twisted my ankle?” Leo asks.
“Didn’t you twist your ankle because I tripped you?”
“Maybe. But you warned me that if I kept staring at that girl's butt, I’d pay the price for being ‘the bear’.”
I shrug. “You already look like one, you should take extra care not to act like one.”
His lips quirk. “See? Helping humanity one sorry cis straight guy at a time.”
“You helped me get switched to an easier ACE-credit math course, then rearranged your busy schedule to tutor me so I wouldn’t fail my first semester,” says Eric. “And I actually ended up getting an A in that class. I still think you should be a teacher, by the way.”
“I saw you apologize to the door frame once when you walked into it.”
I snort and swipe a hand over my face.
“Oh! You walked Leo’s date home that night he got too drunk to get it up, after you’d been sitting in the lobby for almost an hour to give them privacy.”
“You never kicked my clingy baby brother out of our room even though he was annoyingly in love with you, and you still let him latch onto you like a koala even though you spent all day making heart eyes at the Disney prince looking motherfucker that put me on my ass yesterday.”
The glare Eric gives Leo would be impressive if he wasn’t bundled up in my blanket with only his face sticking out.
Eric sighs and looks up at me. “You moved all the way home, even though it was clear you didn’t want to, because your brother got sick.”
“You’re a good dude, Brody. Whatever happened yesterday doesn’t change that.”
I laugh to keep from crying, but it doesn’t work. My eyes sting and water, and my laughter just sounds cruel, like I’m revealing some kind of deception, nearly three years in the making.
“Brody—”
“If I were a better person, I wouldn’t have left Colson Creek in the first place.
I wanted out because I hated it there and I wanted to start over somewhere that people didn’t know me, so I could pretend to be somebody else.
I didn’t drink on my twenty-first birthday because I’ve never had a drop of alcohol and I never will, because addiction runs in my family.
It killed my dad and almost killed my brother.
My brother is sick because he overdosed.
I call or text my mom every day to make sure they’re both still alive. ”
I take a shaky breath and swallow, trying to soothe my sore throat so I can finish.
“I punched a guy that I went to high school with because he keeps reminding me of what I am, and that Disney prince I was making heart eyes at is a closeted pretentious asshole who betrayed me because I was using your clingy baby brother to make him jealous.”
I barely have enough voice to make it to the end of my rant, but I push through, forcing sound through my abused vocal cords because I have so much more to say.
Much like the tears, now that the words are flowing, they don’t want to stop.
I told Beck, and he told Pierce, and now everyone might as well know everything because I can’t hide from who or what I am.
“I’m a piece of shit loser from trash town, USA.
My parents bought the cheapest home they could find on the edge of a decent school district so we could get a good education.
Davis barely got his GED because he was too fucked up to care about going to a place that reminded us we didn’t belong every single day.
Where rich assholes like Pierce Jamison tormented us and used our last name as an excuse to pour beer in our lockers and report it to the principal.
Or crack open my mom’s car window to fill her seats with empty cans so she’d get in trouble with whatever job she’d managed to hold down for more than a week.
And you know what I did about it?” I swallow painfully again.
“I laughed. They told jokes about my dad, about how I’d grow up to be just like him, and I laughed.
I laughed at my brother when the stories about his wild antics got back to my high school.
I laughed with them at how haggard my mom always looked, because she worked however many jobs it took to keep us in a house that was falling down, and barely slept because the last time she came home and fell right to sleep, her husband ran off the road and hit a tree that cost more than just my father’s life, because a person who thought they were better than us wanted more and didn’t mind stepping on us to get it. ”
“Brody—”
“And when I left home to pursue my dreams, I pretended it was so I could help my family and give them a better life, when what I really wanted was to run away from it all. And then I proved everyone right, and I failed. I threw it away. I threw away a priceless education at a school that could actually make things happen for me, and I did it because a pretty boy hurt my feelings and reminded me that I’m just as worthless as they all said I was. ”
I stand, grab the coffee I turned down earlier, and chug the tepid liquid. Then I steal Leo’s towel and walk down the hall to take a shower and wash away the feelings that keep pouring out of my face. I don’t look back to see Eric or Leo gaping at me or to give them a chance to say anything.