Chapter 2 #2
Pip winked at the Queen of Feravael. “Only in bed, Your Majesty.”
Delsynarea gave a polite cough that I would have suspected was hiding a laugh if the Queen was the sort of person who laughed. “And where are you from?”
“San Jose, which is in California. Well, technically I’m from Kansas, but we don’t talk about Kansas. Anyway, I haven’t been to the far side of the world, but I know enough to know that this isn’t it.”
“Fascinating. And what are a twink’s powers?”
Pip blinked. “Beauty? A cute ass?”
“Do not wiggle your ass.” My command came too late. The ass was already shaking.
“It is nice to meet you, my lady. Your royalness? And to be clear, because I think we may have gotten off track somewhere, I’m human. The twink thing is just a… sub-category.”
“Like wizards?” The Queen frowned. “We are quite intrigued. You may step forward. We must examine the disturbance.”
Pip beamed and bounced forward, sticking out his hand, inches from the Queen’s face. A guard lunged to protect her, only to freeze under her glare.
“It’s a handshake. Is that not a greeting here?”
The Queen looked at Pip’s outstretched hand and his sparkly shorts, then reached out and shook his hand as if they were two merchants meeting at market.
“I can’t believe I’m meeting a queen. This is the wildest dream-slash-hallucination I’ve ever had. Your room is incredible. And your gown. The stitching is exquisite. May I touch?”
A small sound came from the ladies-in-waiting. The blonde covered her mouth with her lace fan. I could not tell if she was horrified or biting back a laugh. Possibly both.
“You do seem to be human.”
“Yeah. Thank you. Aren’t you?”
“Of course not. Imagine.” She shuddered. “Now stop bouncing and sit.”
Pip sat beside her instead of across from her, which was technically an offense worthy of death.
The Queen merely studied him, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.
A maid appeared with a tray of honey cakes.
Pip took one before she’d fully extended the tray, stuffed one in his mouth, and spoke around it.
“It has been forever since I’ve had food.
Like at least four hours. These are incredible.
These taste like someone put a hug in pastry form.
Do you like hugs, Your royal majestic highness?
I am a hugger, myself.” He snatched another honey cake, and the maid flinched back, her eyes wide.
Frost stepped forward. “Your Majesty. The stranger arrived through unknown means, speaks an unheard-of language, and is currently nearly naked in your presence. I would suggest we consider the possibility that he is dangerous.”
Pip laughed. “Dangerous on the dance floor.”
Frost ignored him. “What if he is a spy?”
The Queen raised one eyebrow. “Frost, do you genuinely believe a spy would arrive dressed like that?”
Frost’s mouth thinned. “Misdirection is a recognized tactic.”
“Really, though,” Pip said, through a mouthful of cake. “Spying seems stressful. I’m terrible with secrets. Everything I think just comes flying out of my mouth.”
That tracked.
Though, it was an interesting thought. The most effective operatives were disarming, trained to make you lower your guard.
I’d used the same tactic myself, once or twice.
Well, maybe not this tactic precisely. I didn’t even know trousers could be that short.
If he uncrossed his legs, I feared I might be able to tell exactly how well-endowed he was.
Not that I wanted that information.
Pip licked honey off his thumb, and turned to Frost. “You have amazing cheekbones, by the way. Do you moisturize? Your skin is unreal.”
Frost went motionless. His ice-blue eyes widened fractionally and he was, for one extraordinary moment, speechless.
The Queen raised a hand, silencing whatever Frost was about to say. “Tell me how you arrived here, Pippin Crane. From the beginning.”
Pip swallowed his cake and sat up straighter, which somehow made him look less serious rather than more. “Okay, so. I was at Club Vortex and my friend Sky and I were practicing for the opening night. We’re cage dancers.”
I understood maybe one word in ten. The Queen’s expression suggested she was faring no better, but it also looked like she was enjoying herself immensely.
“We were twerking,” Pip said. “I don’t know if you have twerking here, do you need me to show you?
” Without waiting for her to reply, he stood up, bent forward, shaking his ass in a tight, rhythmic motion that was both a flagrant breach of court protocol and utterly mesmerizing.
The ladies-in-waiting made twin sounds of distress.
“And the next thing I know, I’ve got a mouthful of grass and I’m lying in a field while an old lady yells at me. ”
He sat back down and looked at the Queen as if he’d recounted something perfectly ordinary.
“So you are a dancer. Is that a costume?” the Queen said.
“The shorts are, but not the shirt. No one wants to see a cage dancer in a shirt. Can you imagine?” Pip looked up at the ceiling with a frown.
“I can’t decide if this is a dream or if I’m hallucinating, what do you guys think?
Can you ask dream people if they’re dream people, or is that some sort of paradox? ”
“We can assure you that this is most real,” the Queen said.
Pip laughed, with a dismissive flick of his wrist. “Yeah, sure, I’m in a magical land meeting with a queen. Not likely.”
Frost turned to me. His expression had sharpened, the professional mask back in place, and something cold moved behind his eyes. “Commander. You’re aware that sending agents disguised as innocents is a known infiltration technique.”
I was aware. A human who appeared from thin air with no explanation beyond a story so absurd it almost had to be either truth or masterful deception. Still, there was one point I couldn’t shake. “Agents from where? We are at peace.”
“The Farewild. Dark magic.”
The Queen’s eyes moved between Frost and me. She was still smiling, but the smile had sharpened. Delsynarea had not held her throne for several thousand years by missing details.
I frowned. “If he believes he’s in a dream, it might be to our advantage to let him acclimate before questioning.”
“Acclimate?” Frost eyed Pip. “Your Majesty, I strongly recommend a formal interrogation. Perhaps some torture.”
Pip, now on his fifth honey cake, was studying a tapestry with his head tilted. He looked carefree, his head tilted as he studied the tapestry. He was either genuinely oblivious to the rising tension, or so skilled at feigning it that I couldn’t spot the seams.
The Queen turned to me. The amusement was still there, but underneath it was the iron that had kept her on the throne through wars and betrayals and centuries of politics. “Aeldryc. You will interrogate him. Thoroughly.” She paused. “We want to know everything.”
Frost caught my eye across the room, and nodded. We were, for once, in complete agreement.
Pip paused mid-chew. He glanced at me, not a flicker of concern in those blue eyes.
He turned back to the Queen, leaned in, and said: “How thoroughly?”